[deedee69]

I have noticed that my support system is fading. I have been in a relationship for 4 years. Now that I have decided to have to surgery. All I hear is your fat, or you’re going to leave me when you loose all this weight, just so many negative things. It’s like a slap in the face. People just don’t seem to understand the emotional strain this surgery can have.

Why do people’s relationships seem to end after they have surgery?

[gail1011]

Take care of you--there is lots of support here. Relationships are complicated an when we change it forces those we are in relationships with to change as well. I used to say I was the designated "fat one" for my family. It seemd my role was to remain obese so others felt better about themselves.

feeling with you,

gail

[amymarie7905]

My marriage has not changed but a good friend/relative of mine's did. Her husband got really insecure and jealous and very controlling after she lost her weight. It was nnot the healthiest marriage to begin with either though he had addiction problems as well. Everybody is different and you have to find what is best for you!
Take care!
Amy

[Gee-ma 47]

It is a strain, but the bottom line has to be about what's best for you..Take care, and know that we support you.

[Perfesser]

We have noticed that as a general rule, strong relationships come out of this experience stronger. Flawed relationships may not come out at all. Often there is a measure of control involved. The one having WLS is starting to get away from victimhood and take control of his or her life.

What greater defeat have we all known than years of failed diets, personal rejection and the physical inabilities of obesity? What greater confidence builder can there be than to defeat obesity and emerge into health and a new vigor? If the relationship is built on the control of one over another, the new confidence puts a severe strain on it. It may shatter.

We have seen husbands walk out on shrinking wives pre-emptively to avoid the rejections they think are sure to follow. We have seen a wife get all skinny and sexy, revel in her newfound confidence and let "innocent" flirting go too far and tear her husband's heart out. We have seen couples' personal dynamics so changed that separation is the only viable option.

We have seen couples where one has the surgery, they work together as a team and emerge stronger. In my case, my wife did admit to a twinge or two of that evil green emotion, even though she is confident in the strength of our marriage. After watching me, she went under the knife herself to get in on the good health action, and life is so much better for us both.

Every relationship is different. This journey will give you ample opportunity to evaluate what it has at its core. It could be the strength of personal love or commitment, it could be opportunistic control. One will last. The other won't. A few years ago I started a thread that may be of interest to you. It touches on this issue a bit.

If he doesn't have the staying power to get you through this, he doesn't have a whole lot of commitment. His loss, not yours. Send him a picture of the new you at goal with the caption "see what you threw away?"

CT