[mangomelon]

I am single, which is how I have been for the VAST majority of my life. The good part of it is that I don't keep creeps around just so I can have a boyfriend. The bad part of it is that I don't attract many suitors, even though I am not crazy picky in the areas of looks, money or career. Before surgery, I always blamed my weight, feeling that men just were not attracted because I was fat. I'm not fat anymore. I haven't been for a few months.
I went on a super fun date with a guy from work a couple months ago, I had a great time and I'm sure he did, too. He talks to me at work still and we're great friends, but he has not asked me out again and has made an excuse for why he couldn't go when I suggested something. I've heard that he thinks dating someone you work with is a bad idea. I also went on 2 eHarmony dates. Both lovely dates, the fireworks were not flying, but really good for a first date. Neither of them ever called again.
When I can't blame my lack of progress with men on my weight anymore, it makes me wonder what else is wrong. I am very nice, I am a little quiet in person, but its not like I don't talk to my dates! I'm educated, independent, etc.
I am 37. I don't feel that's old, but my biological clock is ticking. More than anything in the world, I want to be a parent. Ideally, I would want to have the whole family, but if my husband doesn't show up in the next year - I'm going to go ahead and have a baby with my gay best friend.

[MsVickie]

Awee honey. Bless your heart. Now im from the south so when I ever say that I do mean it ok. Its not just a thing I throw in. I to was like yourself. Except I did have a son at 19. He was born out of wedlock yes. Many reasons I did not marry his father to which I was engaged to at the time.... but I did think about it.... hard and knew deep in my heart I couldnt bring a child into this world and have him involved as a married person to his father for names sake. Other things happened around that time to top things off.

I never married honey until I was a great old age of 40. True I did have a son with me this whole time but the family thing was missing. How I met my husband? Though a chat room. 13 years ago. Just as passing names.... then hellos...... then as friends.... etc........ go on and I just celebrated my 5th anniversery this past Thursday with the love of my life. He married me as a very large woman. He was what we define as normal size mabye 10lbs in th overweight side of things medically. 11 years my senior but I knew I loved him when I first met him face to face. We had talked for years on the computer then by phone then he asked if he could come out on his spring break and visit.... GI Bill not a young 20 year old. LOL. So I allowed it.

Im gonna stop going on about me but wanted to show you how it can be nowdays. And you know what if you do have a baby buy your best friend whom is gay so be it. There is no one to Judge you or should ever Judge you for that. You bilolgical clock is ticking. As for your friend you had a great date with ..... honey I was always one I wouldnt date a coworker also . It can get ugly if it goes that way. I was never a bar person and what I did see in a bar I wouldnt take home to the worst dog in the world ok?

Now I do have one friend whom put out a add on a match making site I dont know which one..... and she stated exactly what she was looking for and was not gonna settle for less. She was married a year later.

If Mike had a younger brother that wasnt married I would send him your way. If he was half the man I married he would be tereffic!

I will be thinking of you sweetie. Being lonley is very hard. My hardest day was always sundays. For some reason I didnt like sundays I was always down and really lonley.

[MyTurn2009]

I know exactly how you feel. I have been alone for the majority of my life, although I did have a son out of wedlock at age 31. My "significant other" and I had been on and off for a couple of years (mostly on), and after I was pregnant he was there to support me. However, he left the day my son was born. He couldn't handle the commitment, and never has since then. Alcohol was a fundamental contributing problem for him. I raised my son by myself (and believe me, it was not an easy thing to do), held down a full time job, etc. Despite everything, I would not have changed anything. Turns out that the father not being involved was a good thing, considering the circumstances. My son is an adult now, off doing his own thing (as he should be) and now I am beginning to realize just how lonely I am. I have a lot more confidence and want to start dating again, but honestly have no idea where to start. I too used to blame it on my weight. I am afraid to try the dating web sites, it seems so impersonal to me. While I don't want any more children (I think those days are long gone now - and hopefully, grandchildren will be in the future), it would be nice to find someone to share the rest of my life with. In addition to staying focused on my health, my resolution for this year was to figure out how to break through this and begin dating again. I wish you the best of luck your quest.
Nancy

[DocSanae]

Neither of you sell yourselves short. Give yourselves time, and give God time. I'm sure there is someone out there in the whole wide world. Just that things will work out, but not the way we think it should, nor in the timing it should. I know it's a cliche, but it's ooooh so true.
It's when you stop stressing about whatever that BAM, things start to happen, and sparks fly.

[MsVickie]

Doc is a very wise woman...... see..

[Perfesser]

Originally Posted by DocSanae

Neither of you sell yourselves short.

Okay, speaking from the other side of the Great Divide here, let me just say that Doc said a whole lot in those six little words!!! Any guy who requires you to lower your standards 1) doesn't respect you (you can't love someone you don't respect) 2) won't appreciate your sacrifice (okay, she was easy, let's move on ...) and 3) isn't worth the bus fare it'd take to get rid of him.

From where I stand, I think it's far preferable to not get hooked up with the wrong person than it is to have to get lawyers involved to erase the mistake.

As for kids, I can understand the desire. Peanut and I both wanted them, but all we ever had were a dozen miscarriages and a tubal. I am the last of my line for at least four generations back. My name dies with me.

Even though it's not the way we believe, if you can find an acceptable solution, one that'll make you happy and provide a secure, safe home for a new life, there's no way I could ever say you were wrong.

The demographics are, frankly, in favor of the guys. There is a surplus of available women. Throw out the self-focussed "me first and always" popular macho culture, and the odds get worse. Toss out those who can't handle a bright independent, educated woman, and the pool of acceptable, available options gets pretty shallow. Too many full-grown male children and not enough men.

Don't sell your selves short. Ever!! Never settle!! You can always work out details, but if the principles aren't aligned, it ain't gonna make it!!

Good luck, sisters!!



CT

[mangomelon]

No worries there - I will not sell myself short and whenever I am feeling down about being single I can just look at 75% of the marriages I know and I say "I want to be married, but I wouldn't want that marriage, and I wouldn't want that marriage, and I wouldn't want that marriage" I would rather do it alone. But alone is a scary thought. I have a very small family, no neices and nephews, no siblings. Just me and my parents. I need my own family.

[mangomelon]

No worries there - I will not sell myself short and whenever I am feeling down about being single I can just look at 75% of the marriages I know and I say "I want to be married, but I wouldn't want that marriage, and I wouldn't want that marriage, and I wouldn't want that marriage" I would rather do it alone. But alone is a scary thought. I have a very small family, no neices and nephews, no siblings. Just me and my parents. I need my own family.

[laughingpainter]

Same thing here, I kind of actively search but I am not gonna get crushed if I don't find it. Have had two kids out of wedlock, married twice to two emotionally abusive men. I won't do either one again. I may be loney but I am not desperate! I too thought that my weight was the reason for the lack of interest, honestly I can say that I don't care anymore, If you don't like me, for what ever reason, that is your problem. My kids and I come first. I have recently started wearing makeup, I thought at first I thought it was to catch some one but the longer I wear it, I am finding that I like to look good for my self. I am doing things for myself that I haven't done in a long time. It is my time, every one else, who dosn't like it, just look the other way, cause I really don't need your imput on me. Thank you!!!

[gailsiz]

I hear you too !! All of you - Doc, Perf and Viciki you are all wise. I understand loneliness – even though I have been divorced for a while. I have had 4 children – I know I am blessed there, and it must be hard to want a child like that. The first divorce was because he cheated – that is unacceptable. But when I got married the 2nd time – I thought it would work, but it didn't and I knew it within a couple of years. Those years were lonelier for me then before the divorce, because I knew then it was not going to work. I had my doubts before we got married but didn't listen. Don't settle – it will come back on you worse then before. Now I am scared of trying again – or not trying at all………. What are ya going to do……….