[JulieD0814]

So my husband and I got into quite a doosey today ..... He thinks I'm being secretive and sneaky by not telling people about my surgery. I just don't want to tell everyone right now.

Let me back up to how it started..... He has 2 children that are with their mother right now, but come home to us tonight. I'm on the 2 week pre-op liquid diet, so I asked him what we should tell the kids about why I'm not eating with them. I never miss a meal LOL!!!

He says we should just tell them the truth, (They are 11 and 8 and I don't think they will quite understand) I want to tell them I'm having surgery, I just don't want to get into all the details with them. We have them every other week so we won't have them when I go in for my surgery. I'm not even sure how to handle it when they come home after my surgery.

There are only a handful of people that know (my husband, my parents and my sisters), and that's how I want to keep it for now. My job doesn't even know what I'm having surgery for they just assumed that it stemmed from a previous surgery I had early last year.

I'm just curious to who you all told before and after. Any suggestions how to handle it with the kids this week would be helpful too.

Thanks!

[SummerBreeze]

I never hid my surgery, it is what it is in my eyes...true somewtimes people may seem a lil offish at first when you tell them but overall people are getting more and more educated on WLS....as for the kids,if you choose not to tell them,just say your on a new diet and have to fast with liquids for several days..and act as if its no biggie...good luck, its your body and you should have your wishes met in how to handle this,..


annie~

[kaytijo]

I hear you there, I didn't tell anyone other than Hubby of course that I was even considering surgery until I got the final approval and everything. I have about 4 really close BFF's that know about the surgery and THAT IS ALL!! My own mother and sisters do not know (yet), because in the past they are very negative and jealous quite honestly if I get further than them in the weight loss area. I really tried to talk to my Mom about it because she is like a best friend, but she didn't want to hear it so I didn't tell her.

I didn't tell anyone at work either, just that i was having stomach surgery and nobody really asked. Of course I had been dieting all along so when I was donig better and better at dieting and actually loosing weight people notice and really don't as many more questions.

To me it is a private journey and my kids 5, 7, & 10 would have freaked out if I would told them about surgery... So my husband and I decided that we would just not tell them the exact details just that I had to have surgery and that I would be home in a few days and everything would be alright. THey were a little scared but really didn't question it too much, I mean DH and I weren't freaking out so why should they? When I got home I showed them my incisions and explained about not jumping on me and that I couldn't move much...they were totally supportive and never once cared or asked why I really had surgery...they were just glad I was home.

So really as you can see it is all up to you, it is YOUR journey. But without the support of your Hubby things could get difficult. I would just tell DH right now that you will let people know within time. For now the kids just need to know that Mommy is watching what she eats, trying to be healthier, and hopefully will lose some excess weight. They are kids and really they don't care as much. You can eat with them still just have what you are allowed and explain the importantness of eating healthy (if that is even a word)?

I personally feel really strongly about this because I have had a ton of failure at the weight loss thing in the past...loosing/gaining it back...loosing a few or none at alll...I got tired of explaining this to people to see their reactions just broke my heart. I felt like a disappointment...so this time THIS is for ME and NOBODY else unless I feel like including them. Someday maybe everyone will know? But for now only who needs to know.

GOOD LUCK and you will do well!!

[amymarie7905]

I was very open about it! It is a personal choice who you tell and when you tell them! If people ask me how I lost the weight I tell them but I have encountered some negativity and it wasn't the people who where really close to me it was more my sister in law who is extremely jealous! Good luck!
Amy

[tollivers2]

I only told my parents, a handful of my closest friends, the girl I share an office with and that was it. Hubby and I told our daughter and she was fine with it. We let her ask any questions and were totally honest and age appropriate. Now that I've had it, I'll tell whomever. I just didn't want any negative energy beforehand of someone's sister's wife's brother's cousin's father who had it and didn't do well or gained it back, or whatever! haha! Good luck in your decision whether to tell his kids.

[chantelc]

I told everyone and anyone, as long as I was able to bring it up naturally in conversation...if I couldn't find a way to do it naturally, then I just didn't bother to do it at all....I didn't want it to be a stressor for me....I knew it was the best decision for me so what their opinion was wasn't the issue.... good luck...

[MsVickie]

Well I can kinda see your situation. The kids mom is what your saying and letting her know about it along with the others. Tough one unless you have a really good relationship with the woman honestly. Its up to you honey and your wishes in the end.

[JulieD0814]

MsVickie their mother is the last person on earth that I want to tell! We do NOT get along at all!

I actually told them tonight about the liquid diet. I had an endoscopy a couple of weeks ago, so I just told them that the dr. found something in my stomach that shouldn't be there (an extra 140 lbs LOL ) and I had to have surgery next week, but that I would be fine. I told them that when I came home from work, I wouldn't be sitting with them to eat dinner, (my 8 yr old was bummed as he loves family dinner time) but that we could have our "dinner talks" after dinner. They handled it ok. I just reminded them that we don't discuss our private stuff with other people, and they said "we know". My 11 year old said "Oh my God, you're gonna be sooooooo skinny if you don't eat!"

On a different note, my hubby is very supportive, he just wants me to be happy. He has been so good this week, only eating foods that I don't like (even though I've been sooooo hungry that I would've eaten ANYTHING!)

Thanks for all your advice!

[MsVickie]

Well there you go then! Im happy you got that out of the way. I figured that was alot of what was in your post. Whew I know you have to be relived now that you have gotten that out of the way. You know honey your not even fibbing to the kids honestly. And you dont have to though out any of this. CT has a great way of saying it to people. Im sure he will be on here shortly to state how he says it. It sounds like you have great kids honey and are very fournate to have them.

Remember we are here as you need us honey. Always!

[Perfesser]

We've been kicking this one around for years. Check this thread.

http://www.renewedreflections.com/fo...-you-tell.html

CT