[country_strong]

Tonight I went to my daughters homes to give valentines gifts. The oldest one started in on me about wls and when I said yes, I was still having the surgery, she starts again with all the old crap, "Its not necessary, "you're taking the easy way out', you could do it by yourself if you werent so lazy, and the one I just love to hate,"You're gonna starve to death so sooner or later you will eat so much you'll blow your stomach out. Do you want to die?" I told her (again) that she is misinformed and that there is nothing easy about losing weight this way. I was hurt, angry and in tears, and by the time I got to my other daughters house, I didnt answer her when she heard Im going ahead with surgery. I just kept my mouth shut. I was crying by the time I got home because I do not understand why they will not come to an informational meeting with me and get the real facts. I supported then since theywere toddlers thru all the way to going to college and whatever they asked my approval for, I said if it made them happy, that's all I could ask for. My husband said to not talk about it anymore, and when I get my surgery date, he'll take me and it will be done, even though they work on the same floor, so they'll know. My second appointment with my nut is tomorrow, my psych eval is Thursdayand then only 1 more nut visit to go and Ill be ready to be approved. But I just feel so sad and hurt that they have tunnel vision about wls, and the worst part is that they make fun of me , like I will have boobs hanging down to me knees, and turkeyskin neck that I could throw over my shoulder, etc. etc. Yet not one word about how it would be great because I will become healthier and have a chance at a longer life. I have never hit my girls in my life, but tonight I just wanted to deck them, because they were treating my like a mother trying to talk a little girl out of something she wants. Sorry to vent, I probably will talkwith my nut tomorrow, but for now, this will have to do. Thankss for putting up with my hystrionics! I don't know what I'd do without you guys.

[kiwi-leelee77]

Heya. Ok, I will try not to get mad....trying hard....very...hard......
I want to say cut them out of your will and tell them to go somewhere... BUT they are your "kids" and you love them, and that great.
They should have more respect for you. They should NOT be making fun of you in any way, shape or form.
I would prob suggest sitting them both down and telling them that you have very serious health issues, which the WLS will get rid of, and no amount of dieting has worked nor will it stop the issues you are currently facing. They can either support you as you have supported them, or they can keep their mouths shut and not mention it again, nada, nothing, not one word to you unless it is to support your decision. Suggest they have a look on here perhaps?
But yes, support you or never mention it to you again. Im so glad your hubby is right there with you. Get your date, dont tell a soul except those who support you 100% and let that be the end of it. They will see you a couple of months post op and will wonder...just smile.
Its horrid you are feeling so bad now. You know whats right for you. Stick to your guns and just maintain a silence if they opt to carry on being horrible to their mother.



(I might have a bit of a 'thing' when it comes to adult "kids" being horrid to their parents and making unreasonable demands on them as if they were still teens....Im trying to work on it, dont think im being successful though. Respect is Respect and you respect your elders, esp parents REGARDLESS of issues...kind of...*sigh*)

[laughingpainter]

I am so sorry about all of that. I can only imagine how you must have felt. I don't know what to say either but that this for you. It could be that they are very frightened for you and have no other way to express it than to make you feel terrible. I can't begin to know. You have to make your decision though. You have to live with all of the things that come with being obese not them.
I don't deal well with these types of situations; I tend to walk away, do what I need to do, expect no help because of the disagreement and then come back after the situation is taken care of. That is how I deal. If there is nothing to gain from the remarks, walk away and do what you need to do. We will be here, we know what you are going through and you've got this family to lean on.

[kiwi-leelee77]

Ditto, we are always here to lean on. Its might be through your computer screen, but we are real, and we do care. I was prob a little harsh in my first message, and I dont want to make you feel worse, I do think that if its just that they are scared, then letting them look on here or other wls sites should ease their minds, esp knowing that you have all of us to support you and help you, day or night, there is usually someone floating around on here.
You dont need to have this added stress from your family. This is a hard enough road to travel without all that added on, so hopefully they will calm down and see wls for what it is, a Lifesaving operation that will aid you in having a longer, healthier, happier Life. Sure you need to take vits etc everyday, but surely thats better than insulin and blood pressure and pain relief etc meds that usually mean you will have a shorter life, or at least a miserable one, watching from the sidelines. And not being able to play with the grandbabies, or enjoy life with your hubby.
I say go for it, its your choice, and family or not, they should respect that.

I really do hope that they ease off you. You are doing a brave thing, and no, its not an easy road to take, but the longterm benefits are worth every bump in the road you may or may not come across.

I wish you nothing but the best for your journey.

[Dr. Mel]

Wow. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Usually when someone has such a strong reaction, there is a hidden cause behind it, unless they are just insensitive. I did not have any problems with my family...was more at work. The medical director told me I needed the lapband, others asking near daily, "aren't you scared you'll die?" My sister is prejudiced toward "fat" people. Always has been. So, there was no opposition from her. My mother was more concerned about how this would affect me long term....so loads of education to be done to her, but she was willing to listen (she is 80 years old). My husband was more concerned about the immediate problems...although I've educated him, I don't think he totally grasps the *forever* part of this. Anyway, your husband may be right. There was another post on the boards about did you tell or not. A couple had run into problems from family members, so they just didn't tell anyone and got the procedure done. Perhaps they'll check in and be able to give sound advice.
Best wishes...
Mel

[DocSanae]

Aw (((HUGS))) Unfortunately, you can't win 'em all, and from time to time, it's the people you think are the closest to you who are the hardest to win, plus hurting a ton.
I hope by the this time next year, when you are showing off the results of your efforts, they will be able to come atound.

[minnie want to be]

i am so sorry for all that you go thur i can not beleive that your kids talk to you that way if they were scared for you they could tell you and then you could educate them but making fun of you that is outrageous i am glad that you husband is behind you you go ahead and get your date and have the surgery so that you fell great and no health problems just do it for your self tell anyone else to kiss it it is your body and you will do what you want with it you are a grown woman

[NCGirl]

I am really sorry you are having these problems with your children. This is one time you need their support and they are turning their backs on you. Please don't let their negative attitudes keep you from doing what you know is best for you. Just think about how things will look for you in a year from now when you have lost so much weight and you are feeling better about yourself. There will come a time when their opinions are going to be proven wrong and you will be walking around with a new body and a new attitude of your own. I agree with everyone else - stick to your guns and keep on striving for what you know you need to do for YOU. You are in my prayers.

Dee

[CherylK]

oh my I am so sorry that they are treating you this way. No matter if they are scared or not the way they treated you is not ok. I would just ignore what they say from now on. You are doing this to get healthy and have a better life for you. Lean on your hubby since he is in your corner.

Maybe since they talk to you like that you could write them an email and explain what is going to happen and how you need them to be there for you but if they can not be then to not say anything at all.

When I told my family about having the surgery, I did so just in Jan. I wrote an email saying what was happening and at the end I said that if you couldn't support me in this to not say anything as they wouldn't change my mind. I am the youngest of 7 and have 2 adult nieces/nephews I only heard from one niece and one sister. The others have not called or written me and ya know what thats ok. This is about me and for me. So I let the stress/saddness go.

[country_strong]

Thanks for your support. My oldest daughter is 31, and not only harassing me about the wls surgery and telling me it's stupid, but she actually said that I was going to wear whatever dress SHE and her sister picked out for me for the wedding, whether I liked it not, cause it is HER day. When I left to go to my 28 year old daughter's place, the oldest had called her already and said I was still going ahead with it, but I didn't let her bait me into an argument. On the way back home, my dear hubby said he think's they are jealous...both girls weigh around 200 lbs are are starving themselves and working out at the gym 24-7...they said just till they order their dresses for the wedding, so I should be doing the same, so we all can order a smaller size.. But ya know what, been there;done that! The weight always comes back, and I have seen my daughters struggle like that all through high school with weight issues. I was like that when I was in school too, but it pisses me right off when they act like I don't know half as much as they do. You know...your kids always have all the answers!! But I love them no matter what but was sure mad last night. I'm just not going to bring it up anymore and when I get my surgery done, that will be that. Well, off to see my nut. I will talk to her cause she's great, but thanks for letting me vent again. To whoever said this is like a family, was right on. Thats how I feel too, and I know I can always come here and will get the support I need.