[mj2903]

OK, many of you have read when I said my husband hasn't said much of anything positive. However, now twice in the past couple of weeks he has said something about getting skinny and yesterday he actually made a real positive comment so that is nice.

But, to his changing, he has decided to go on Optifast. He will lose weight and probably get to goal before me (he can drop 10 pounds a week by just watching what he eats), unfortunately he may gain it all back before I get to goal (can you tell that I have see this before???) I wish he would consider surgery but he wont, I just hope that as he loses and gets his blood sugar under control that he actually pays attention, I have seen him more than once take his fast acting insulin guessing at what he needs instead of checking his blood sugar first. I named his behavior suicide by diabetes.

Hopefully his moods will improve as his blood sugar comes down, I just see so many areas that are red flags to me based how I have watched his cavalier attitude towards his diabetes that I am worried that he will do something stupid. Nothing seems to sink in about the dangers of diabetes, not the changes in his eyes, not the infection that nearly cost him his arm/life last summer.

I know I can't change him and anytime I bring up even checking his blood sugar we end up in a fight. I don't disagree with him losing weight, and if Optifast is how he wants to go, I will support him 100%. I do however, feel helpless while watching him self destruct and with him now on the fast acting insulin, the stakes seem so much higher.

If anyone has any suggestions, I would appreciate them. 13 years of prayer haven't changed his behavior...

[MichelleA]

You seem to be clear that you can't change him. It's good you recognize that. He can change him, and that's about the long and short of it.

What you CAN do, though, is continue to model for him what the WLS has done for you, how you can take it off and keep it off.

He may -- or may not -- follow your lead. Either way, you will have done your best to help him.

[goingtobethinin2010]

Has his pcp recommended he have this surgery to help his sugar levels? My husband was full blown dibetic and I had worried about him and tried to coach him to eat less carbs and it just did not seem to matter what I said or how much I worried about him. Finally he saw his pcp to get on the fast acting insulin as his sugars were in the mid 400's at times and the pcp told him in 10 years at this rate he would be blind or lose his feet or legs and that the only hope he could offer was gastric bypass surgery. After hearing that we went to a seminar and both decided to have the surgery now at 8 months out he has lost 110 pounds and his dibetes is in remission. He would have never had this surgery for the weight loss alone like I would have but he did it to get his sugars normal and to live to be able to see his grand daughter grow up. Best of luck to you I know how worring this can be to watch someone we love self distruct.

[Perfesser]

This time around you are already doing something different that might change things. You are showing him that it is possible. Before, when he'd lose and you didn't, what motivation did he have? Now, with you changing so radically, it may change his outlook.

Sometimes prayer alone isn't enough. God gives us the strength we need to do things. He doesn't always do the things for us. Hopefully with this time being so different, it'll be different!

CT

[happy again]

has he considered the lap band? my husband had it in july 2010.... he was 310 with high blood pressure and slighty high blood sugar..... now 7 months later he is down to 257 his blood pressure is normal and so is the blod suger...his blood suger was 102 now it is 92......it is amazing how even 50 to 60 pounds of weight loss can help you.

[judst]

Sometimes being so scared of the things diabetes can do to you can have the opposite effect on a person. Instead of being terrified and making the changes you need to deal with the diabetes it is easier to go into denial about it. I speak this from experience. I finally pulled my head out of the sand and had a huge reality check. This reality check propelled me into researching wls and the remission rate of diabetes as a direct result of it. I am still a few months out from surgery and cannot wait to get on the losers bench. I know that it must be very difficult for you to helplessly watch your husband self destruct, but he has to be the one to realize the need for change. Do not take on the guilt because that could be detrimental to yourself. Continue to be a role model and to encourage and love him. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

[ANSLEY]

Whoa when i first read the title I thought you meant you were CHANGING husbands. WHEW...girlfriend your example speaks more than a thousand words. Keep yourself hot and healthy. He will get there!

[SummerBreeze]

He is in denial, if he dont check his sugars and eat what he wants with is quick acting unsulin,in back of his mind he thinks I am doing things right, when in all actuality he is becomming a walking time bomb Until he can fight this on his and put on some big man boxers and not handle this war of diabetes with baby gloves he is living a vicious circle...As my husband told e obe time whe i wanted to back out of the surgery dys proior, just stone cold he loooked me in the face and said your not gonna do blind very well, or loses a body part, your way to vain to let this crippling disease win..he was right...was my surgery the easy our, hell no..but was it the smartest choice hell yes..good luck in reaching his needs and in helping him , love ya !

[kiwi-leelee77]

I cant help, I havent been in your situation, but like Others have said, Just carry on and succeed in your wls path and fight through the negativity (as you have been), and just do your best by power of success. He knows how you feel and what you think. It seems that the reason there are fights is that he knows only too well what is going on and is trying to do a big manly show of control. Dont keep fighting. Maybe try changing your tactics and instead of making your view point vocal, swallow it down and dont show any reaction, as if you dont care anymore as it is his choice. Go into your bedroom and hit your pillow to get your fustration out, but dont say a word to him. Men often hear our concern as "nagging" and either switch off or get peed off, which makes them dig their heels in and "rebel". I wish the very best of luck and I hope you can find a way to show him that its ok to ask for help.

Keep your chin up and smile.

[mj2903]

Thanks for all the support. Will just have to wait and see how he does, but I am very worried since he doesn't take his diabetes seriously, but I have worried for 13 + years, he just now has the means to do a lot more damage quickly if he doesn't pay attention.