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04-24-2011, 09:21 PM
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#1 (permalink)
| | Guru In Training
Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: GA
Posts: 262
Weight Statistics March 1, 2011 Start Date:
March 24, 2011 Surgery Date:
5' "
Height:
285 lb Start Weight:
145 lb Current Weight:
120 lb Goal Weight:
140 lb Weight Loss:
25 lb Lb Left to Lose:
49.1228070175 % % Lost:
July 1, 2012 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index55.6541666667 BMI Start:
28.3152777778 BMI Current:
23.4333333333 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
 |  How Should I Tell My Aunt About The Surgery? *Update*
It has been exactly one month today since I had my surgery. My aunt & I have in the past gone out shopping, to the park, church and just visit with each other. At first I was not going to tell her about my surgery. She is the type that I would have tried talking me out of it. By saying things like what about your bad heart and so on. Even though my cardiologist approved me for the surgery and I had that on my side and my primary care physician approved me and so did a psychiatrist.
I figured know her like I do she would not be satisfied with the cardiologist approval. I told my husband if I do tell her it will be after I have had the surgery so that there is nothing that she could say to make me back out.
I do want her to know about the surgery know that I have all ready had it. I guess I want her to know about it is because I have just 12 more pounds to loose and I will have lost 50 pounds.
So how should I go about telling her? Should I get together with her and see if she comments on my weight loss and then spill the beans about the surgery or tell her over the phone? **Update**
Another reason I am wanting to tell her is we used to go together to a gym and work out. All though she has maybe 40 pounds at most to loose. Not over a hundred pounds like I do.
Okay, I tried this past Saturday to see if she wanted to go to the Easter service Sunday morning. She had to work okay that she can't help. Since I am not sure what her work schedule is I emailed her about coming over for lunch and my husband would cook lunch (since he's the cook not me). She says she works in Rome which is 30 minutes from where I live. So lunch is out. I email her again asking if she can come by after work for just a few minutes. She says that she has to go straight home from work and let her dog out.
Buy now I am getting really mad  . I haven't tried contacting her again. If my husband & I drove and had a car I would go to Rome and go to lunch with her. So I could tell her. But that is not an option. My aunt is not sure if she is working Sunday so she I should go on to church with my friend. So it does not look like I will be seeing my aunt anytime soon.
Does any one have any ideas on how to tell her now?
Last edited by MJ Fan; 04-28-2011 at 01:05 AM.
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04-24-2011, 09:41 PM
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#2 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: May 2008 Location: Just north of Iowa, not far from I-35. 2nd star on the right and straight on 'til morning!
Posts: 8,639
Weight Statistics December 13, 2007 (pre-op liquid diet started) Start Date:
December 27, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
280 lb Start Weight:
172 lb Current Weight:
184 lb Goal Weight:
108 lb Weight Loss:
-12 lb Lb Left to Lose:
38.5714285714 % % Lost:
Originally - 12/08. Actually - 8/08. Goal Date:
Body Mass Index41.3442554085 BMI Start:
25.3971854652 BMI Current:
27.1690821256 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Since you left her out of such an important decision and event in your life, this can't be done over the phone. Meet her for lunch somewhere that you know you can get something safe and then talk. She should notice a 38 pound loss, and it would be normal to ask about it. Tell her all the changes that you have made in your relationship to food, tell her about the nutritional counseling, tell her about the new rules, and then that as a part of the whole deal you had WLS, too. But make sure she knows that WLS isn't the "magic wand" or the "easy way" so many think it is.
You've shut her out of one of the most important things you've ever done, now bring her back into your life and the wonders of your transformation.
CT
__________________ da perfesser
*******************
Dare to live your dream!!
If you want to be healthy for life, do for life the things that get you healthy!! Living healthy takes work. Dying fat is easy!! "That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the nature of the task has changed, but that our capacity to do has increased." - HJ Grant
"Do, or do not. There is no try!" - Yoda
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04-24-2011, 09:49 PM
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#3 (permalink)
| | Guru In Training
Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: GA
Posts: 262
Weight Statistics March 1, 2011 Start Date:
March 24, 2011 Surgery Date:
5' "
Height:
285 lb Start Weight:
145 lb Current Weight:
120 lb Goal Weight:
140 lb Weight Loss:
25 lb Lb Left to Lose:
49.1228070175 % % Lost:
July 1, 2012 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index55.6541666667 BMI Start:
28.3152777778 BMI Current:
23.4333333333 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Perfesser  Since you left her out of such an important decision and event in your life, this can't be done over the phone. Meet her for lunch somewhere that you know you can get something safe and then talk. She should notice a 38 pound loss, and it would be normal to ask about it. Tell her all the changes that you have made in your relationship to food, tell her about the nutritional counseling, tell her about the new rules, and then that as a part of the whole deal you had WLS, too. But make sure she knows that WLS isn't the "magic wand" or the "easy way" so many think it is.
You've shut her out of one of the most important things you've ever done, now bring her back into your life and the wonders of your transformation.
CT | That's a good idea about telling her about the nutritional counseling and how my relationship with food has changed.
For those of you wondering if I had any other reasons in not telling my aunt the first reason I mentioned in my post I was afraid she would try and talk me out of it, that she might would feel obligated to tell her brother which is my father and she would worry about me. She all ready has enough to worry about without worrying about my weight loss surgery. All around I was thinking of her and myself by sparing her the decision of WLS until after the surgery was over.
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04-24-2011, 09:50 PM
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#4 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Floyd County Virginia
Posts: 9,445
Weight Statistics September 19th 2007 Start Date:
September 19th 2007 June 18,2012 Surgery Date:
5' 10"
Height:
363 lb Start Weight:
226 lb Current Weight:
170 lb Goal Weight:
137 lb Weight Loss:
56 lb Lb Left to Lose:
37.741046832 % % Lost:
When I get there again Goal Date:
Body Mass Index52.0793877551 BMI Start:
32.4240816327 BMI Current:
24.3897959184 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I am going to agree with CT on this like most times. Honey it was your choice and you need to let her know this. Unless she has suffered weight issues with you she might not totally understand it . But that is OK to.
__________________ Remember Tough times never last Tough people do... This Ribbon is for our Lady Lisa and all the women that fight this ugly disease. RIP Jerry my friend
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04-24-2011, 10:30 PM
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#5 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: S. Jersey
Posts: 2,480
Weight Statistics ?? Most recently Oct. 2010 Start Date:
January 31 2011 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
342 lb Start Weight:
194 lb Current Weight:
189 lb Goal Weight:
148 lb Weight Loss:
5 lb Lb Left to Lose:
43.2748538012 % % Lost:
no pressure... 1 year? 1-2012 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index50.4990548204 BMI Start:
28.6456626759 BMI Current:
27.9073724008 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Do you really want to tell her? Maybe you don't....
I have told very few people I had WLS.. I was comfortable with that several months ago.. and kept to it. When people ask how I have lost weight I say I am really cutting down on food, high protein diet..lots of water, etc. But, they aren't "aunt" material.
It is a very personal decision, and you are the one who has to make it.
If she is near and dear to you and you really do want to tell her, I agree with others... not on the phone. Have lunch some day... tell her about the journey, the process, the approvals and appts... that led up to the surgery and then tell her how wonderful you are doing and happy you are... and be sure to tell her about the work you have ahead of you with the WLS process as well.
Good luck.
__________________
Pretty Woman   | |
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04-24-2011, 10:45 PM
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#6 (permalink)
| | Guru In Training
Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: GA
Posts: 262
Weight Statistics March 1, 2011 Start Date:
March 24, 2011 Surgery Date:
5' "
Height:
285 lb Start Weight:
145 lb Current Weight:
120 lb Goal Weight:
140 lb Weight Loss:
25 lb Lb Left to Lose:
49.1228070175 % % Lost:
July 1, 2012 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index55.6541666667 BMI Start:
28.3152777778 BMI Current:
23.4333333333 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pretty woman Do you really want to tell her? Maybe you don't....
I have told very few people I had WLS.. I was comfortable with that several months ago.. and kept to it. When people ask how I have lost weight I say I am really cutting down on food, high protein diet..lots of water, etc. But, they aren't "aunt" material.
It is a very personal decision, and you are the one who has to make it.
If she is near and dear to you and you really do want to tell her, I agree with others... not on the phone. Have lunch some day... tell her about the journey, the process, the approvals and appts... that led up to the surgery and then tell her how wonderful you are doing and happy you are... and be sure to tell her about the work you have ahead of you with the WLS process as well.
Good luck. |
I do want to tell her since we have had good times together. Even if she does tell my dad I don't care. Since I have lost so much weight. | |
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04-25-2011, 06:29 AM
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#7 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: May 2008 Location: Just north of Iowa, not far from I-35. 2nd star on the right and straight on 'til morning!
Posts: 8,639
Weight Statistics December 13, 2007 (pre-op liquid diet started) Start Date:
December 27, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
280 lb Start Weight:
172 lb Current Weight:
184 lb Goal Weight:
108 lb Weight Loss:
-12 lb Lb Left to Lose:
38.5714285714 % % Lost:
Originally - 12/08. Actually - 8/08. Goal Date:
Body Mass Index41.3442554085 BMI Start:
25.3971854652 BMI Current:
27.1690821256 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I didn't tell anyone in my family. Seven months post-op, we went to a family reunion and I showed off the new bod. Even those that I knew would have disapproved and tried to scare me out of it couldn't argue with success. Those horror stories and worries lose their strength when faced with good results.
CT
__________________ da perfesser
*******************
Dare to live your dream!!
If you want to be healthy for life, do for life the things that get you healthy!! Living healthy takes work. Dying fat is easy!! "That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the nature of the task has changed, but that our capacity to do has increased." - HJ Grant
"Do, or do not. There is no try!" - Yoda
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04-25-2011, 09:20 AM
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#8 (permalink)
| | WLS Master Guru
Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 861
Weight Statistics 09/01/10 Start Date:
04/11/11 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
301 lb Start Weight:
172 lb Current Weight:
165 lb Goal Weight:
129 lb Weight Loss:
7 lb Lb Left to Lose:
42.8571428571 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index44.4450745642 BMI Start:
25.3971854652 BMI Current:
24.36357908 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I'm going to ditto CT here - in person is the best way.
I can totally relate to what you are feeling. My parents don't know about my surgery (though they live 650 miles away, so it wasn't hard to hide!). I'm debating telling them in July when I see them, b/c they are judgey people and may still look at this as an easy way out, etc. My husband has already prepared them, though, for seeing weight loss by mentioning that we are both dieting, etc. I'll play it by ear when I see them.
So, if you feel as comfortable as you sound, do it in person and be confident in your answers to her questions and in your overall decision - YOU have to live your new life, she doesn't. Good luck!
__________________
Highest weight: 301 ~ Pre-op diet weight: 295 ~ Surgery weight: 283 Goal #1: 60lbs lost before 7/4/11 vacation
Met: 6/24/11 (10.5 weeks)
Goal #2: 75lbs lost before Labor Day 2011
Met: 7/29/11 (15.5 weeks)
Goal #3: 90lbs lost by Oct. 11 (6 months post-op)
Met: 9/15/11 (22.5 weeks)
Goal#4: 100 lbs lost by Halloween
Met: 10/30/11 (28.5 weeks)
Final goal: GOAL! 130 lbs lost by 1-yr anniversary
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04-25-2011, 11:51 AM
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#9 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: May 2008 Location: Just north of Iowa, not far from I-35. 2nd star on the right and straight on 'til morning!
Posts: 8,639
Weight Statistics December 13, 2007 (pre-op liquid diet started) Start Date:
December 27, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
280 lb Start Weight:
172 lb Current Weight:
184 lb Goal Weight:
108 lb Weight Loss:
-12 lb Lb Left to Lose:
38.5714285714 % % Lost:
Originally - 12/08. Actually - 8/08. Goal Date:
Body Mass Index41.3442554085 BMI Start:
25.3971854652 BMI Current:
27.1690821256 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Whatever you do, tell the truth, even if it isn't the whole truth. Some day they'll learn about it anyway, and if you've lied to them, that creates other family dynamics you really don't need! 
CT
__________________ da perfesser
*******************
Dare to live your dream!!
If you want to be healthy for life, do for life the things that get you healthy!! Living healthy takes work. Dying fat is easy!! "That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the nature of the task has changed, but that our capacity to do has increased." - HJ Grant
"Do, or do not. There is no try!" - Yoda
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04-25-2011, 11:54 AM
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#10 (permalink)
| | Guru In Training
Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: California
Posts: 317
Weight Statistics 03/17/2011 Start Date:
03/17/2011 Surgery Date:
5' 2"
Height:
198 lb Start Weight:
134 lb Current Weight:
125 lb Goal Weight:
64 lb Weight Loss:
9 lb Lb Left to Lose:
32.3232323232 % % Lost:
03/17/2012 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index36.2107180021 BMI Start:
24.5062434964 BMI Current:
22.860301769 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I agree with the Perfesser, tell her gently in person.
__________________
Kelly
Diabetes and Sleep Apnea-GONE! Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork. Bigger snacks mean bigger slacks.  Starting weight DOS: 198 lbs. 1st Goal: 169 *Met 04/20/2011 2nd Goal: 159 *Met 05/21/2011 3rd Goal: 149 *Met 06/17/2011 4th Goal: 139 * Met 07/25/2011 5th Goal: 135 *Met 08/05/2011 Final Goal: 125  | |
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