[bertie]

Is there ever a good way to let down a friend? My guess is no. It may seem trivial to some, but here's my situation, and maybe you can give me some feedback:

A while ago, a good friend of mine suggested we join a gym together. This friend probably weighs the same amount as me right now. She says she is supportive of my decision to have wls but despite several failed attempts (like us) feels she hasn't reached the point yet where she would consider it for herself -- that she hasn't exhausted all other non-surgical options yet. Of course, that is her decision to make.

At the time, I had agreed that it would be a good idea to join the gym together. The gym she wants us to join is one that is geared to only women, and has a set routine that you are supposed to follow and a time limit at each station. I had told her that I didn't want to commit to a gym membership until after my surgery and when I was cleared by my doctor.

However, after doing some research and talking to a couple of personal trainers who have experience with wls patients, I realized that this is probably not the gym that is going to be the best choice for me.

I haven't even had the surgery yet but I am already worried about appearing to be a snob if I renege on my word. Mind you, I don't know how strong her commitment is to actually go on a regular basis, but I think she had in mind that going with a friend would make her more inclined to keep it up. I also know that the gym I would prefer to join is not one that she would be interested in, as she is not comfortable exercising in front of men, because of her size.

Should I just join with her for a year to honor our friendship, and then see how it goes? What would you do?

[MichelleA]

Originally Posted by bfmama

Should I just join with her for a year to honor our friendship, and then see how it goes? What would you do?

To answer your second question first: I would tell her the truth: "After doing some research and talking to a couple of personal trainers who have experience with wls patients, I realize that this is probably not the gym that is going to be the best choice for me."


Sweetie, if you know what you need to do, it should be part of your new life to do it, no matter what.

We all need to learn how to do what's best for our own bodies and health. Social pressures are going to be around for the rest of our lives, and it makes sense to start practicing immediately.

I swear to you, it isn't going to kill you. Heck! It probably won't even hurt. I would venture a guess that it will make you feel good about yourself to do right by YOU.

You can do this.

[DocSanae]

Honesty is the best policy, actually.
There's no way to avoid hurting someone with bad news, the only thing you can do, is to do it as tactfully as you can.
You could tell her that the kind of programs you are looking into aren't offered at the particular gym, and that you are looking into more personalized programs rather than generalised programs.
If the pre op program you are going through can give you pointers and advice, go by that, you can tell her that the program you are going through suggests types of prgrams not offered by the particular gym, so you would like to look into other options.

[sara5214]

I am not a expert trainer or anything like that. But... I have been going to the type of gym you are talking about here for a little over a year now. I started before my surgery. I would go 3-4 times a week and walk or do some other kind of exercise 1-2 times a week. And I can tell you they do work! I loss about 50 pounds before surgery in 6 months. I am now 4 months out and have loss about 114 pounds all together. I know I would have not of had as much sucess if I had not of been exercising before surgery. Plus it helped me to be healthier for my surgery and the healing of it.

But you need to make the RIGHT CHOICE FOR YOU!!!! Where you will feel more comfortable going so that you will make exercising a normal daily routine for you. And if she is a true friend she will understand!! And maybe yall can get together and walk or do some other form of excersie(dance,swim, wii) if you choose to go to separate gyms.

[California Susan]

I think you included your own best comment to give her: "However, after doing some research and talking to a couple of personal trainers who have experience with wls patients, I realized that this is probably not the gym that is going to be the best choice for me."

That is perfect. I doubt she would want you to choose a gym that is not going to be the best choice for you.

I know we all wish to please and support others, but I'm guessing this is a time to pick what is optimum for you first, then think of others and find other ways to support her.