[tcgc0114]

I might be in a unique situation because I live at least 650 miles away from both my parents and my brother, and his family, but I was wondering if anyone else did NOT share having WLS with their families?

I just got back from spending 1 week with my parents (and my husband and kids), whom we hadn't seen since Christmas. I had GBS 3 months ago and am down 68 lbs.... my parents were THRILLED, to say the least. 9My Mom was crying to me the one night we were alone about how happy she is to see me getting healthier, etc. She even asked how I've done it!)

I feel so, so deceitful, but my parents are the judging/worrying type, and even my husband thinks it's in my best interest NOT to tell them.

How do I get over the guilt? I kind of feel like I cheated, doing it this way. Thoughts?

[sarahg]

You have NOT cheated in any way shape or form! All the hard work and sacrifice you are going through is not cheating. I applaud you for taking contol of your health.
When I told my dad and sister, they had a bad reaction. At first I was really bummed that they judged me. My sister even said, "Well, I'd like to eat anything I want and not gain weight". I was floored and hurt to say the least. After that, I found people around me that really supported my decision. My fiancee, my mother, my co-workers...and the wonderful people in this forum. No matter what the nay-sayers said I KNEW GB was right for me. The more I talked to my family about how it all worked, the more they understood my choice and accepted my decision. I think people just don't know enough about surgery and react out of ignorance. I guess my point is this...they are your family. They love you for YOU. They love that you are getting healthy. Does it really matter how you chose to do it? Maybe you're not ready to tell them. Maybe you'll never be ready to tell them. However, if you do, you may end up with two more people in your corner. God knows we all could use more love and support. Best of luck in your decision. We are all here for you no matter what. (((hugs)))

[tcgc0114]

Thanks so much for your thoughts and feedback! I'm sorry you had some negativity in dealing with this journey.

My gut says that my parents would be happy that I'm doing so well, regardless of HOW I did it. I guess I'm just not ready to share it yet! We'll see...

And you seem to be handling it all so well yourself - keep up the awesome work!

[luvRdogs]

Sharing the actual method of weight loss is totally up to you and your comfort level, which will vary with different people. You are taking care of YOU and it's YOUR business how.
People you don't tell at first- perhaps you may feel comfortable sharing with them at a later time. Or not! Your choice. I know a lady who never told any of her family, ever. She lives away from them too. She had surgery about 4 years ago.
The important thing is that you are doing it to be healthier and for your emotional well being.
Your choice, hon. Don't feel guilty about it one way of another.

[MotoCO]

Well, let me tell you that I finally shared that I was on the road to get the surgery and my Mom was PO'd that I did not share sooner. WHAT? I think you are going to get flack no matter what and if you want to tell them do and if you don't then don't. You do not have an obligation to tell anyone other than the person who sleeps beside you.

I have had some very positive reactions and some negative reactions and from the book Before & After I think I might just stick to the story the author did and say it was gallbladder surgery and later that I am a diabetic. It is no one's business but your own..until you choose (choose is the operative word here) to share with them.

I have always felt that we are judged on our weight anyway. That we are weak because we cannot control our food intake or that we are weak because we cannot excercise to lose the weight. And now that we have taken steps to change our life all together then why should we be potentially judged again? Even if someone we love is the one judging and even if they don't mean to do it. Those people want you to be happy and want you to live a healthier life. And that is exactly what you are doing. You have taken the bull by the horns and did something that most people cannot say they could actually do, right? But YOU DID! That makes you a stronger person that most.

Everyone has a private life. Everyone has skeltons. No one lays their life out bare to be judged or looked over by anyone. They asked you what you did? Well, you are eating smaller portions are you not? You are excercising more are you not? That is exactly how you are doing it. You are having a tad bit of help. But you earned that help by some amount of physical and mental pain along the road. But you are doing it all by yourself. You go girl!

You will decided if and when the time is right..if ever. But ultimately it is your decision to share or not. And don't feel guilty if you decide not to. Your body. Your life. Your struggle. Your decision. Your journey. Let them be joyful for you and love what you have done for yourself. Let them admire your hard work. You deserve it.

[tcgc0114]

Wow - fantastic insight from you ladies. And you're all so right - I should NOT feel guilty for doing what I needed to do to get healthy.

THANK YOU!

[butterflyness]

I don't think you should feel guilty at all and no you did not cheat. That's probably the one thing that really upsets me is when people say "oh you cheated" or anything on those lines. Saving your own life is not cheating. I think it's fine you havent told them cause frankly it's none of their business. If you are curious you can probably say "i had a friend that's going to do weight loss surgery, how do you feel about it" just to maybe see what their insight is like and then if you really want to say something just ask them how would you feel if i had the procedure done?
I didn't have the greatest support. I havent had surgery yet but my mom was the one telling me i dont need it and blah blah blah. The kicker is her herself had it about 6 or 7 years ago. so i dont think i'll ever understand that one. Good luck

[kmiller4]

I did not tell anyone about my GB. Only my husband and one friend who also had GB knows. I did tell a couple of people I was having surgery for a hiatal hernia because I had to have an excuse for missing some activities. I have told several people I am dieting. I just like to keep it private because some people have very strong feelings and can get very vocal about whether or not its a good thing to do. I did it because I had diabetes with complications and other health problems.

[pretty woman]

No guilt,period. Ditto to what MotoCo said so well.
My mom died 3 years ago. I wish I could tell her. She had surgery in the early 70s and boy was it contraversial then. But she pioneered ahead.
There are some who won't understand..who cares?
I say I dieted using high protein. lo carbs..lots of water and I exercise.
People say "oh Atkins?" and I agree.
I also am busy with my support group at the hospital which I call
my "diet club."
I remember way back my mom told someone she had hemmorid surgery.
No one asked her much about it, and everyone understood... shut a few up.

No worries. ok?

[Katbeyer]

You can decide if you want to tell or not. For me, I don't care who knows. If people ask, I tell. And sometimes, I tell too much.
For some reason I have not told my dad. Why? I don't know. He knows that I have lost weight.
I have had some people say before my surgery, that " you don't need to have that done"
But now that I have and have lost 95 lbs. Those same people say, wow, didn't realize that you weighed that much.
so some people dont have a clue.
Good luck and way to go