[Happygirl]

When I went through my pre-surgical counseling before surgery, my counselor asked me if I had friends who would be supportive of me during this process. I immediately answered "yes" and named to of my best friends. Since then I have lost one of them and now it appears as though I have lost the other one. I knew this happens to some people, but I never thought it would happen to me, at least not with these two particular friends.

The first friend never said why we parted ways although I suspect its something to do with my weight loss. She was all for my weight loss until I reached her size.

The second friend says I used to be kinder and more open minded and she liked me better that way. Now she says I'm too unkind and critical of other people. She also said she doesn't like "the person I have chosen to become".

I don't feel that I have changed very much since my surgery almost 2 years ago. I do feel more self confident and happy where I used to be self concious and unhappy. Am I supposed to go back to being unhappy and feeling out of place to make her happy?

I'm really sad about this turn of events. Has anyone else had similar things happen?

[Perfesser]

Relationships have many different kinds of glue that binds them together. Love, convenience, comfort, control, camouflage ...

If yours were built on camouflage or control, they can't last. Your first friend disappeared as you got to be her size. She couldn't hide behind you any more (camouflage). You were no longer the largest in the room, so she started to feel exposed. So she left. Your second friend liked you better self-conscious and unhappy. Now that you have developed self-confidence, she can no longer control you. So she tries to make you feel inferior again so she can keep the upper hand.

A true friend would be glad to share your joy as you progress to become a healthy, happy woman. A false friend puts herself first, above your wants or needs. When you no longer satisfy her requirements, you are disposed of.

You haven't lost any friends. Not really. Just a couple of insecure women who used you to make them feel better about their own failings.

The archives are full of similar stories. Most people who had friends have lost a few, and this includes family members, too!

Continue to be self-confident and happy!! That is who you have chosen to become. And you've earned the right to feel that way!! 107 pounds is something those others who have left your life can't even imagine, yet you have done it ... and maintained it, too!!!



CT

[MotoCO]

I have not experienced what you are going through. And I am terribly sorry that you are going through it. But I totally agree with the Professer.

If I can throw in my two cents. The 107 lb loss is amazing!!! And, yeah, those two friends could probably NEVER achieve something as remarkable and courageous as that. I just started this process and I am still in awe of all of you. I am scared and nervous...probably the way you used to be. But hope to become the beautiful confident butterfly you are now. And you should probably have friends that respect you for who you are. (I don't know your relationship status) But if you were out searching for a mate...isn't that what you would do? And I think friends are similar. You find friends with qualities you admire. (I think the old ones are jealous and afraid you will outshine them)

Find other butterflies with similar beautiful colors and be happy!

[pretty woman]

There are some recent posts on this. I think Madison'sGrandma just went through it and on that post I shared my experience. In brief, after I was I " replaced " I read an
article on "The Fat Friend." Some good looking women need to boost their confidence
by befriending someone less attractive, chubby, etc. So when we "better" our appearances we could lose a friend.
I hope that makes some sense.
Keep your chin up. FInd someone else.

[Katbeyer]

I am so sorry that you are going thru this. Hugs to you

[Nell]

Sorry this is happening to you, I know it does seem to happen often, I'm blessed I guess that my friends have stuck by me and encourage me along this journey.

(((hugs)))

[omorgan2011]

Sorry to hear that your "friends" were insecure enough to be threated by your weight loss & desire to be healthier. Never give up your new found confidence! Remember that in order for others to love you, you must first truly love yourself! Congrats on your weight loss!

Olivia

[Happygirl]

Pretty Woman, How can I find that article on "The Fat Friend"? I would be interested in reading it also. Thanks.

[pretty woman]

Wow, I wish I could help you with that.
This happened to me at least 5 years ago...
but some things you remember forever.
I will do my best to see if I can research that for you, but it may not be today.

Hang tight..ok? You are a good person. Say that 10 times a day, incase you forget.

[elizabeth39]

Don't feel bad. We are who we are. You have new wonder friends, me included. Take care don't be so hard on yourself. I don't have very many close friends, but I can tell my church members say I am too small. I don't pay them any mind.