[new_beginnings]

I'm feeling a bit of resentment towards my family right now. They don't understand what I am going through. My husband tries to be supportive but he has no idea what it is like to be overweight. Both of my parents are overweight but they care nothing about themselves to do anything about it (yes, that statement was pretty harsh but after being diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure and having a pacemaker put in my mother continues to smoke and load her self up with unhealthy food.)

I'm not perfect. I haven't attended a meeting yet (going to next week) but I have read a lot about what I should be doing to prepare for surgery and yet I just downed a box (granted, it was only the snack size box) of Milk Duds. I swear half of my brain is ready to be healthy and happy and the other half is so comfortable with being fat and lazy. Has anybody had this problem?

Okay, I think I'm done venting. It really did feel good to say that though.

[Perfesser]

Your family is completely unprepared to understand what you're about to go through. This is a radical total transformation of your life. You will have a surgery that has a questionable reputation in the rumor mill. The good about WLS travels slowly. The bad (true or not) has wings!

Your parents are in denial about their own obesity. Acknowledging yours would force them to confront their own. Your success would lay open all their excuses and show that it is possible and force them to make a very hard choice. Don't hold your breath!

Your husband will be subject to a whole raft of fears and insecurities. When one person in a relationship changes, and the other doesn't, it creates stress. One of the more common fears is that you're going to get all thin and sexy and dump him. Happens all the time (the fear, that is!) We've even seen the event happen here a few times. Or the husband walks out rather than face the possibility of being dumped. That way he's in control of the leaving. You will need to have really good, open communication with him throughout the entire process. First he'll fear that you'll die on the table. Then the other will kick in. It's natural, you can't avoid it so you better be prepared to face it.

We have found that if a couple is solid going in, they come out stronger. If a relationship is flawed at the start, the stresses can shatter it and it may not come out at all.

You are obviously just starting your journey. This is going to take a measure of self-discipline you may not realize that you have, but if you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, if you want this more than you want Milk Duds, if you are weary of diets and pills that don't yield the results they promised and are desperate enough to have your guts sliced, spliced and rerouted in ways Mother Nature never intended, then you've found the right place for support and help through your journey.

This is not the easy way. Above a certain weight, there is no easy way. This will be far harder than you think, but you cannot now imagine just how GOOOOOD it will feel to be healthy and fit. Thousands of us on this list have done it. We're not extraordinarily brave or strong. We don't live for pain and puking. But we are persistent!! We're normal people, just like you, except now we can shop in the small people side of the store! You can too, in about a year or so!

Welcome!

CT

[country_strong]

Ditto to everything the Perfesser said!!! He is right about everything! I had my surgery almost 3 months ago. Was it easy? Depends on what your idea of easy is! I hurt like heck, I couldn't lay flat on my back for 3 weeks, and I felt sick and tired. BUT, I was already so "sick and tired" of being a prisoner in my own body, that I made the choice to have the surgery in spite of what I heard some people can go through. Would I do it all over again? You betcha!! In my weight loss journey, which began 10 months ago, I have found myself; who I always wanted to be, and I like myself now. I have been reborn,and for me, everyday is a miracle. I do things now that I haven't done in 30 years!! Also, it's just the beginning! Only 3 months out from surgery, and my life has totally turned around!! The mental will be the biggest challenge. The surgery rearrages your insides, but you still have all the same thoughts, until you get into a mode of thinking about what you put in your mouth, and why. Support groups are so beneficial, as is this website. Personally, I would say that this journey so far has been worth every hard step I've taken!! Good luck to you!!~

[new_beginnings]

I am very much aware of how hard this is going to be. I WANT my life to be better. I WANT to be around for my son. I WANT to be healthy. I NEED this surgery to help me get there.

[Perfesser]

Something CS failed to mention is the complete and total opposition (dare I say enmity?) she got from her two charming daughters. They made life hell for her, until she grew a spine and told them she wasn't doing it for them. She was doing it for herself. And thus was born a roaring tiger, a veritable force of nature, who rode hard over the bodies of insurance people and anyone dumb enough to stand in her path! (We're pretty proud of this little lady! You sure wouldn't have known her a year ago, though!)

You can do the same. Ya' just gotta want it bad enough!! Sounds like you're on the way!

CT

[country_strong]

I agree with P! There isn't anything special about any of us who wanted to change our lives. It just takes one heck of a lot of persistence. It seemed like if I wasn't fighting my family, I was going up against my insurance company. My secret to success was being able to pick myself back up every time I got knocked down, and kept pushing on.
Sounds like you know what you want. I bet you're a fighter, too. So go get 'em!!!!!!!!

[Butterfly312]

I totally agree with these guys. I'm doing my pre-op weight loss for my surgery in March. My family isn't too supportive either. No one understands how important this surgery is to us unless they have or are going through with this life changing decision. My family is tired of hearing me speak about my diet and the little pounds I lose here and there. To them it's no big deal, to me it's a step closer to my new life. The majority of the time I feel like I'm on this journey alone. I think about the prize and what's involved and it helps me to keep on track and not cheat on my diet. So I daydream of the new me that is to come. I dream about all the new clothes I will buy. I dream about running and taking long walks on the beach. I dream about being free to say "yes" instead of..."wish I could". At the moment it's difficult but I also know that some day it will be better. I've been over weight for 25 years, I'm definitely ready to take control and change my life for me, regardless of what others may think, feel, or say.

My husband did confess at the beginning of his fears of me possibly changing when I got thin, but I assured him that if he stuck by me at my heaviest (402), why wouldn't I stick by him during my healthiest....silly man.

I've learned that you will never be able to please everyone. The one person you need to please and be happy with is yourself. What's the use of pleasing everyone and making everyone happy if you're miserable with yourself. You are the one that truly counts. If you're tired of food controlling you, make a change and take back control. Good luck.

[MotoCO]

I almost cried when I read Country's entry. It is true. I can tell you from my perspective that I was tired of being in a "sea of me" or that is what I have called it. I was a bloated version of myself. I would decide what I needed before I would decide to go up the steps because even going up to the second floor made me breathe heavy and my heart pound. I had always been atheltic and I could no longer run or walk up the hills in my own neighborhood. My Mom had always been obese and it got to the point she was losing a bit of weight and giving ME handmedowns! I was wearing big gramma clothes! I just hit 40!

As far as your husband he may not understand. He isn't going through the same thing you are. He is not in your journey. My husband is a 6 foot tall 165 lb marathon runner. He supports me but will never understand. He has not walked in my obese shoes. But he has loved me literally through thin and thick and thinner! (haha) But all your husband can do is try. And as long as he is trying ya gotta give that guy credit.

But once enough is enough then you are ready. I really have had a pretty easy time thus far. I did had a bit of a time and ended up staying longer in the hospital but since I have been plugging along. Would I do it again? Yes. Yes, I would. If I did not lose one more pound (and I don't want that) but I feel so much better than I did. I can breathe better. I can walk...boy I can walk. I can do 60 minutes on the treadmill now! My face looks more like me. And my husband took a picture of me from behind and posted it on Facebook...and I really wasn't horrified!!! I was actually pretty appreciative of my not gianormous hiney anymore! At my heaviest I weighted 285. It was too much for my 5'6 frame that was only 120 lbs when I married my husband. For me...it is about health and feeling better. The clothes and everything else is just gravy (pardon the expression)!

[barbara sutton]

Amen, everything that has alreasdy been said, we welcome you with open arms, we understand and know how you feel, paste and copt CS and CTs comments and refer back to your thread from time to time to encourage yourself. Venting does help you are in the right place. HUGS.

[nursesrock]

This is a journey that will both defeat you and make you stronger.....something that you can't wrap your head around yet. I'm consistently baffled by those that can't seem to understand the problem and my attempt at a solution. So, I live by "kick butt and take names"! Being around to enjoy family and all the world has to offer is the goal, but there are a ton of benefits you haven't even thought of yet. You can only be responsible for yourself, so go forth and conquer.