[eddiecoke]

I am in need of some help from ya'all.

About 8 years ago I 1st looking into having the bypass. Talked with my wife and she was dead set against it...so I kinda forgot about it.

Now its years later. We have had friends who have had it done. I have developed bad hip issues and the hip Dr. refuses to do a replacement until the weight if lost. (I also have 3 torn disks in my back and other weight issues) He - the hip Dr - referred me to getting the bypass.

I am on a 3 months into my 6 month nutritional wait. I still have to get an upper GI test (scope) and blood work. I have been making minor changes to eating...more water, no soda, no straw, smaller meals, better choices. I have lost 17 lbs in 2 months with the changes....

HOWEVER....I have yet to say anything to my wife as to looking to get it done or even the fact about the hip Dr. issue.

I guess I am looking for some encouragement from folks here to help talk to the wife about this surgery.

Sorry for the blah blah blah, just looking for thoughts.

Thanks.

[dixieladybug]

Good luck to you on this journey. It can change you life for the better. Maybe have her come on here and read some of the success stories. There are many. I had to have both my knees replaced and that plus the r n y has made my life so much better. I could barely walk before and now I can do anything I want. I walk and exercise and feel so much better. I think she is just afraid of what might happen to you but she needs to realize what can happen if you don't have the surgery. I am glad you joined us here. This is a great site for info and support.

[tcgc0114]

I agree with Dixie. I would even bring her to your next appt. with your surgeon or dietitian. While you are ultimately doing this for YOU, you are also doing it for your family - so that you have a healthier, longer life.

Just make sure keep an open ear to your wife's concerns as well (and, if all doesn't go well, maybe the two of you can meet with a counselor, member of your church, etc. to talk it all out).

You've shown great commitment already with your steps in preparing - that's great and something should be said about that! Good luck!

[Nell]

Hello and welcome, sounds like you are doing good getting ready for the process, so keep up the good work. Why is your wife dead set against it? Obviously you will have to tell her eventually so I think asking her to go to your next appointment is a good idea as well. Good luck, I hope she is understanding and supportive of your choice to have surgery.

[DocSanae]

Welcome to the board, thank you for joining us.
Good luck with your process.
(((((HUGS))))) May your journey go well.

Are there any signs that your wife may not be so against the surgery after all the years and watching your friends who've had the surgery? Maybe, she won't be so set against it this time.

[judst]

Hi Eddie and welcome to RR! I think your doctors and you are making a medically sound decision and I agree with the others that bringing your wife to an appointment my help. A lot of times it is the fear of the unknown that keeps us from moving forward. By setting up an appointment with your doctor to specifically explain the need and the benefits of wls to your wife may help alleviate her fears. It sounds as though you are making some great changes already and I want to congratulate you on your weight loss! You are doing great and deserve to get this new tool to help you on your wl journey!

[Perfesser]

Eddie, there are risks associated with any surgery, and WLS has had some really bad press in past years. Horror stories abound, some of them actually based loosely on something that may have happened many years ago, others pure imagination. Just like a good ghost story around a campfire, they are endlessly repeated and "improved" as they are transmitted from one person to the next. This could be what your wife is reacting to.

I made up my mind that I was going to do this thing. I did research online, chose a surgical practice, set up my info seminar, and then told my wife. She was against it. I told her I wasn't asking permission, I was going to do it. She was unhappy with that until I was finally able to get her to come with me to meet the surgeon. He calmed her fears. The surgery was a success. Fifteen months later, he was doing her RNY!

If your wife is also heavy, she may think that you're going to get a great-looking sexy body and leave her. That is a very real fear many spouses have. It has happened. Any extreme weight loss disturbs the status quo of a relationship and may raise the stress level considerably. Solid relationships usually come out stronger. Flawed relationships may not come out at all. Full and open communication is an absolute must!

There are risks associated with WLS. At your weight, there are risks associated with doing nothing. Which are greater? WLS has come a long ways in the last decade or two, and has an excellent safety record. How about obesity? My doctor told me that choosing to do nothing is choosing to die.

Good luck! My wife and I are both Century Club members. It's been years for us since the operations, and we have yet to find any downside to what we did.

CT

[msmonica]

My husband was totally against my surgery! He considered it an elective surgery and couldn't understand why anybody would chose to have it done! He still thinks I'm crazy for choosing this course. But he has seen the positive changes it has brought me and is glad that I'm happy with my decision. I don't have any brilliant advice to give you. In my case it took me deciding that was my decision not his. I really wanted he to be ok with it but this was what I was doing! He was not happy with me putting my foot down. He told me I would have to pay all the co-pays myself and we couldn't buy the camp we were looking to purchase and anything else he could think of to help me change my mind. It didn't hurt that secretly my daughter had a talk with him...she told he that he should support me even if he didn't agree because she felt this surgery would help her mom live longer and have a better life! I hope you and your wife can come to an understanding and both of you come away ok with that decision. Good Luck and God Bless!

[merrynail]

My husband was against it at first. He thought I could lose the weight on my own. Well I carried on my path and he watched. He wasn't negative but he wasn't totally positive. On the day of my surgery he asked me if I was sure I wanted this. I told him yes and did it. (He was very scared that I would die) Anyhow I'm 2 months out and my husband has changed his mind. He is so supportive and excited about everything. He likes the changes I've been going through and can't wait to see me with the weight off. He's even talked about plastic surgery when all is said and done. He wants me to be happy and healthy. And I'm on that path. But even before the surgery things were better. My diet changes made my families diet change. My husband expected to go on cholesterol meds but when he went for his check up his levels droped. So my path has helped him as well. Stay focused. Take your wife with you. She needs to be educated also. She'll come around and be supportive. And she'll bennifit from your transformation as well. Good luck! It is worth it.

[gailsiz]

The above have said it all. Take your wife with you to the Doc, give the Doc a headsup. I am sure your wife is not the first spouse he has had to discuss this surgery to and it could be he has a whole plan of action set up for just this kind of situation. Good luck and let us know what happens.