[MissHope]

I can't really discuss this anywhere else because..well, it's my Mama and the last thing I want to do is hurt her in any way shape or form.

My mother has diabetes and high blood pressure. She's had two strokes and she's so young (63). I remember when I was a teenager (I'm 40 now), she was told she had "sugar" and could control it with diet and exercise. She didn't do it. Therefore, she progressed to insulin. Now, she has a really hard time controlling her levels. This past weekend she got sick (we think maybe a bad virus) and while she was sick, she fell and busted her nose and forehead (12 stitches). My husband drove me 2 and a half hours one way Saturday (drove back home that same day) to see her and check on her in the hospital.

While I sat there with her as my husband took my father and Sis-in-law to get a bite to eat...I got so mad at her! She has told me time and time again I just can't understand how hard it is NOT to eat the sweets and carbs that aren't good for her. Well, now I know. I know all too well how sick too many carbs can make a person and I can't go give myself a shot to get over it.

I know people are individuals with their own free will. In my mind, I get this and accept it. But, 8 months ago, I realized that if I didn't get off my butt and do something, I was going to end up just like her. My blood pressure was a hair away from putting me on medication. I was already taking cholesterol meds. I was a hot mess with potential of getting even hotter and uglier. I remember my children being right there in the front of my mind. I want to raise them! I want to help plan weddings and hold granbabies. I want to grow old with the most amazing man I could ever have the privilege of loving.

I get addiction. I have an addictive personality. But, why couldn't she be stronger than that addiction that makes her the frail being she is now laying up in a hospital bed? Gah, I'm just so mad. She will go and sneak and eat stuff behind my Dad's back and give herself a shot. She does this when she's with me and/or my SIL and it puts us in such a bad position. She won't listen to us and I know I surely can't make her.

I'm sorry to come here and vent. I won't talk like this in front of my children as Nana is the most awesome thing ever (and she truly is!). I think I'm just as sad and I am mad.

Another reason I'm grateful to have had this surgery to help me put my head on straight. I told my husband the other day I hope I keep the dumping syndrome the rest of my life because in the first 40 years, I ate enough sweets for a group of people combined. This could have possibly saved my life in more ways than I realize.

[judst]

Awe Miss Hope, (((Hugs))) it must be terribly frustrating and sad for you to watch your mother deteriorate because of her addiction. I know all too well what you are feeling as I lost my mother to an aortic aneurysm last September. She was a heavy smoker and her life was taken much sooner by the aneurysm because of it.

I've learned that we can't make people change... they need to want to change themselves and about the only thing we can do is live by example and hope they will notice and desire it for their own lives enough to do something about it.

You are doing an amazing job of losing weight and becoming healthy and that is best example you could ever set for your mother!

Please feel free to share your feelings (both good and bad) on this forum because we are here to support and encourage one another.

Hugs

[Perfesser]

My mother despaired of me ever taking control of my weight and bad intake. She died of a cerebral aneurysm before she ever got to see me do something about it. It had to be hard for her to watch my self-destruction. And I felt the same way about Peanut after I got religion (and dumped about 120 pounds). Took her awhile to come around to an appreciation of how what she was doing wasn't working (that was about 100 pounds ago).

I think your mother is in denial. Not about how the things she is doing are killing her, but she believes that it is not possible to change her ways. Her comments that you don't understand, when she can see you've understood to the tune of over 90 pounds so far, reveal her blind spot. She believes she can't change, therefore she can't. Her belief in her weakness makes her unable to try to change her weakness.

She's an adult, and able to make her own decisions, much as you don't like them. At this point, if the power of your example won't do the trick, all you can do is love her. If they're old enough to understand, allow your kids to learn how her actions affect her future. Don't run her down, but help them to see her weakness and love her all the more. You won't have to preach very loud for them to be able to see the contrast between how her weaknesses are taking her down and how your determination is giving you new life.

Love her and cherish the moments you have with her. Make all the good memories you can so they can sooth the bitter ones. And as much as you may be inclined to do so, don't allow yourself to take a guilt trip about not being able to save her. It's out of your hands.

Just love her.



CT

[pretty woman]

I agree. Love your mom, and live your life. I too had a wonderful mom with a secret addiction. As much as I would have loved for her to "kick" it, she always said she didn't have any issues and everything was fine the way it was. So, that is how she lived and that is how we lived. You can offer an option..but if she won't take it, accept it, change... she won't. And that is how it is.
And, that is why we are here... hope you feel better now that you are getting some feedback. "Talking" always helps-even if it doesn't change anything. Keep "talking". Good luck, God Bless!!

[tcgc0114]

I don't think I can offer any thoughts other than what has been already said. I'm just very sorry that you have to watch your mom in pain.

*hugs*

[MissHope]

Thank you all for your kind words. I really really needed them. I found out this afternoon that her recent sickness is due to having another stroke. She's also suffering from a sleep apnea that is causing problems also. She's no longer overweight (guess where I get it from? LOL) due to all the problems from diabetes. I love my Mama with all my heart and would never disrespect her and I never put down the choices she's made in front my children. I am going this weekend with the family so the kids can see cousins and I can spend a day with her while my Daddy (I'm southern and that's what I call him at 40 years old) catches a break.

I am just so blessed and grateful that I have been giving the life saving option of gastric bypass and have hopefully spared me and my children and my husband preventable illnesses later on in life. In a way...the choices she's made has affected me for the positive, I suppose.

Thank you all again. I knew you would understand where I was coming from. You are awesome!

[Perfesser]

Originally Posted by MissHope

... I am going this weekend with the family so the kids can see cousins and I can spend a day with her while my Daddy (I'm southern and that's what I call him at 40 years old) catches a break. ...

No need to explain. My wife's in her 60's and she still calls him Daddy! (She's just grateful that both her folks are still up and active and living on their own well into their 80's!)

Ain't nuttin' wrong with that at all!!

Enjoy your weekend!!



CT

[jenny180]

Originally Posted by MissHope

I can't really discuss this anywhere else because..well, it's my Mama and the last thing I want to do is hurt her in any way shape or form.

My mother has diabetes and high blood pressure. She's had two strokes and she's so young (63). I remember when I was a teenager (I'm 40 now), she was told she had "sugar" and could control it with diet and exercise. She didn't do it. Therefore, she progressed to insulin. Now, she has a really hard time controlling her levels. This past weekend she got sick (we think maybe a bad virus) and while she was sick, she fell and busted her nose and forehead (12 stitches). My husband drove me 2 and a half hours one way Saturday (drove back home that same day) to see her and check on her in the hospital.

While I sat there with her as my husband took my father and Sis-in-law to get a bite to eat...I got so mad at her! She has told me time and time again I just can't understand how hard it is NOT to eat the sweets and carbs that aren't good for her. Well, now I know. I know all too well how sick too many carbs can make a person and I can't go give myself a shot to get over it.

I know people are individuals with their own free will. In my mind, I get this and accept it. But, 8 months ago, I realized that if I didn't get off my butt and do something, I was going to end up just like her. My blood pressure was a hair away from putting me on medication. I was already taking cholesterol meds. I was a hot mess with potential of getting even hotter and uglier. I remember my children being right there in the front of my mind. I want to raise them! I want to help plan weddings and hold granbabies. I want to grow old with the most amazing man I could ever have the privilege of loving.

I get addiction. I have an addictive personality. But, why couldn't she be stronger than that addiction that makes her the frail being she is now laying up in a hospital bed? Gah, I'm just so mad. She will go and sneak and eat stuff behind my Dad's back and give herself a shot. She does this when she's with me and/or my SIL and it puts us in such a bad position. She won't listen to us and I know I surely can't make her.

I'm sorry to come here and vent. I won't talk like this in front of my children as Nana is the most awesome thing ever (and she truly is!). I think I'm just as sad and I am mad.

Another reason I'm grateful to have had this surgery to help me put my head on straight. I told my husband the other day I hope I keep the dumping syndrome the rest of my life because in the first 40 years, I ate enough sweets for a group of people combined. This could have possibly saved my life in more ways than I realize.

************************************************** ********
I can clearly understand your frustration . I have a brother who have known and learned that he had diabetes, wont follow drs orders wont take his meds, wont do his daily glucose check , and sneaks and eat the foods he shouldnt eat ,and say hes fine, nothing wrong with him. We(his wife and myself) believe he has sleep apnea, he wont seek treatment for that, but thats on him. I have spoken to him on numerous occasions about diet, eating properly and exercise, he laffs or smirks and says "I know , I know" but doesnt do anything to change his habits.

So it was just a few days ago I learned he was heading to the hospital for spend a few days, and he hasnt told me yet why he was heading to the hospital, just states the drs want to give me some IV meds... you simply just dont get IV meds if there is nothing wrong with u, he thinks im stupid, but its ok...

SO I spoke to the wife and she told me that his glucose was sky high and hes fortunate he hadnt had a stroke due to the excess glucose in his body and hes not taking his daily regime of meds and testing his levels....
So, finally the drs looked at his toe where he states "Its just a lil cut, its ok"
now anyone who knows about diabetes knows a lil cut isnt just a lil cut, u have to get it checked because it could worsen... well the drs saw him and admitted him right away and finally the toe wasnt showing any signs of improvement they had to cut the toe off... he's now home and I am upset and mad that I want to talk to him to see hows hes doing, but really not wanting to call because I know I will go off on him...so I'll wait a few days before I call him, let him sit and think of what happened why he lost the toe ad maybe he will start to eat properly and follow doctors orders.

But its clearly frustration, because you try to educate them and because they think u dont know what you are talking about they shut u down,till its too late and realise I should have listened... so i understand how upset and frustrated you can be over this situation with your mom...
you just need to know within yourself that you have educated them as best as you can, and now its in her hands what she does with the information... and you continue living your life and enjoy your journey to the new you.. keep us posted we are here for support
Jenny

[MissHope]

Jenny, you just described my husband's brother up and down! He is 41 and absolutely refuses to take care of himself. I take that back. He'll go through a spurt here and there but it never lasts long and he's back to bad habits and neglecting himself. He literally is like someone in their 70's with bad health. My FIL is 71 and is in much better shape, even with diabetes! I tried to talk to him and offered recipes to where he either just says "thanks" or flat out says that's not to his taste.

Oh, I hope and pray I continue on this path to better health.

[Perfesser]

Originally Posted by MissHope

... I tried to talk to him and offered recipes to where he either just says "thanks" or flat out says that's not to his taste.

To which of course the only reply would be "and dying is??"

Originally Posted by MissHope

Oh, I hope and pray I continue on this path to better health.

That is completely within your control. You sound like you are motivated and educated and eager to accept the challenge. Stick around and share the journey with us. We all need the accountability of a support group.



CT