[Jessica]

Hi everyone. I am sorry that it has been so long.... I have spent the day in tears and desperately need to vent and receive some advice. So, I have been best friends with someone for almost 10 years. We have been through just about everything together- including being overweight. A few years ago she lost quite a bit of weight "the natural" way of diet and exercise-So proud and happy for her. Fast forward to early 2007 when I begin the process for Gastric Bypass. When I told her about it she told me that she thought I needed "a second opinion"- not big enough. Had the surgery- she never showed up at the hospital, never visited me at home, never sent a card. I received one text message from her asking me if i was ok. Months and months go by- we finally hang out a few times here and there. She says a few random things about the surgery here and there- not too much. Today she is at my house and we are talking about life-everything. We start talking about the surgery and she mentions that her bf's aunt had the same surgery. She then says to me shes just a fat pig, i don't understand why she just didnt go on a diet and exercise to lose the weight. I'm thinking hello- I had the same surgery. But of course, i am a wimp and i dont say anything. I just let the hurt build up until i ended up in tears the rest of the day. I've talked to my mom and my bf about it who of course say she is probably jealous, you certainly did not take the easy way out and maybe you should just never talk to her again. But, I am SICK of letting people get away with hurtful things. I sent the following e-mail to her, and I wanted to get your opinions on what I sent:

I wanted to sit down and write you a letter because I wanted you to know how I truly feel…. Today when you were at my house and we were talking about my surgery and Josh’s aunt’s surgery the things you said really, really hurt my feelings. I believe that you said you “didn’t understand why people just can’t do it with genuine diet and exercise?” That the reason they have excess, gross skin is that they didn’t lose the weight the right way. I’m really upset number one that I didn’t stick up for myself and number two that someone I consider as my “best” friend would even consider saying something like that to me. Just so you know, having this surgery was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my entire life. I’ve lived my whole life feeling bad about the way I’ve looked and dealing with the torment from others about my weight. This surgery has helped me lose weight, but it has not been a magic fix. I have busted my ass to lose the weight, and I will continue to bust my ass the REST of my life. As your best friend, I would be there to support you (and I think I have) in any type of life changing decision that you will make, have made, or even consider making. This support comes from me whether I agree in the decision you are making or not. I am a loyal friend and have always had your back. I don’t let too many people walk all over me, but I guess I have never called you out on things that you have said to me because I didn’t want to argue with my best friend or create a rift. Enough is enough, and I will not tolerate it any more. I am happy that you lost some weight doing it “the natural way”, I could not. I made a decision to take control of my life and my future. I have gotten over the fact (well, maybe I haven’t) that I had major surgery and my best friend did not once come to visit me at the hospital during my stay, or even send a card. However, your un-educated and un-researched comments and remarks about the type of surgery I had were the icing on the cake. I have spent most of the day in tears, and I’m sorry that I am too much of a baby to have called you out on this when you were at my house or to even have the guts to call you and tell you how I feel right now, but I don’t. So, with that said, I think our friendship is over. You have hurt me more than some of my worst enemies. I would never, ever intentionally hurt your feelings and I still can’t believe that you would do that to me. I wish you the best in your life always, it was nice knowing you.

I know this is long, rambling and probably missing some important details, but your feedback on the letter is appreciated....i am a wreck right now.

[BOOTS]

I Think You Approached The Situation Very Tastefully!!!! I Def Think You Did The Right Thing And I Give You Credit For Finally Speaking Up For Yourself. Way To Go Hun. Im Also Glad You Came Here To Vent

[DocSanae]

Awww, ((((((HUGS))))))))
Jessica, you did what you needed to do for yourself, and that's stand up for yourself.
In the beginning, it's hard to do face to face, but your letter is a very good, rational, and embracing letter. If your friend doesn't understand you after reading it, or becomes even nastier, it's her problem, not yours.
It does hurt to let someone go whom you felt *safe* with, but some things, you need to close the door--and for every door that closes, a new one, some times two or three, will open, never you fear--to preserve your well being.

You did what you needed to do for yourself.
Chin up, pat yourself on your back that you've done what's right for your well being, and proceed ahead on your way. Leave your friend behind in the dust.
((((((((HUGS)))))))

[Kenyar]

i have to say that maybe this is for the best. we get to a point where we begin to realize that we deserve better. i think this is one of those instances. i know its easy for me to say dont cry. but i think you shouldnt. look at where you are, how you have bettered your life FOR YOU. you are better than a friend who isnt really one. sure we can have difference of opinion, but in my opinion, that was disrespect. and friends dont do that.

be strong. stay firm in your decision. and focus. dont let these things distract you from attaining your ultimate goal.

PS. she may come to her senses and realize what a butt she is being

[BreeChick]

Good for you...see the surgery makes changes in all areas..We finally have the guts to stand up and not let things go that are hurtful. In all things I think you might want to look at what positives are you getting from this 'friendship'...

somtimes 'friendships' don't last after the WLS just like some marriages.

You did not take the easy way out and BTW even those that lose 'the right way' or whatever large amounts of weights STILL have skin issues !! That isn't purely a WLS issue.

Good on you for standing up for you! I'm PROUD of you girl!

[Trulykath]

I have not, for once, regretted this surgery...there were times...when I wondered "what the hell did I do?" but it passed...and I think that's normal! I think you did good...stood up for you and told her she had honestly hurt you....some people run their mouth and think later....perhaps she didn't realize how she had hurt you, but you let her know...and maybe, just maybe this will be a lesson for her moving forward....everything happens for a reason and it all goes down EXACTLY the way it's supposed to....there are no accidents in God's world...HE's got the whole thing planned!

[LittleLisaMarie]

I think you did an awsome job expressing your feelings. You let her know how you felt and how she made you feel. When we loose friendships that we thought were unbreakable its hard but its for a reason. She was your best friend, and i am sure you had wonderful times together but your life is changing. As we change we need to surround ourselves with positive energy and positive people. If people dont want to be a part of that, are jealous or whatever then its time to close the door and open new ones. I totally understand what you are going through {very long story of a so called best friend} but you move on and you grow. You worded your letter very tastefully and respectfully while letting your emotions be heard. Good for you.

[greensgirl19]

I'm sorry that you're going through this, but your letter sounds good. Unfortunately people can be jealous and hurtful and they just don't care who they hurt. I'm curious to hear what her response is, but you hold your head high and know how hard you've worked!

[clancythecamper]

Ouch - surely she wasnt thinking~ I think you were correct to point out that she didnt have her facts together. I have a friend who did a similar faux pas but I have removed all expectations for others from my mind, so while it didnt feel good I just let it go. I'm proud of you for speaking up, I think you have a really solid milestone there. I don't know about you, but someone treating me that way a year ago I woulda just ate my feelings away til I got over it (which is how I landed at 271). You processed your feelings, communicated them, and are healing in an emotionally healthy, if difficult, way. My best wishes to you as you continue your new life.

[Jaime]

Of course it's easier said than done, but true friendship is unconditional. You said it when you said to her that regardless of if you agreed with something, you still would back her. It is time to move on and surround your self with those that truly care! And DON"T dwell on why or what if, remember the special times and move on!

Jaime