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01-23-2008, 06:27 PM
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#1 (permalink)
| | Whipper Snapper
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: NE Ohio
Posts: 46
Weight Statistics 02-04-2008 Start Date:
** 8/11/2008 ** Surgery Date:
5' 4"
Height:
270 lb Start Weight:
182 lb Current Weight:
130 lb Goal Weight:
88 lb Weight Loss:
52 lb Lb Left to Lose:
32.5925925926 % % Lost:
8/24/09 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index46.3403320312 BMI Start:
31.2368164062 BMI Current:
22.3120117188 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
|  Can I do this?
 Just have to vent! My husband was on board with Lap Band surgery, and I've proceeded with information sessions, was finally approved by insurance, am doing paperwork, and have my first pre-op appointment set.  Today my husband became furious to hear that I was even entertaining the thought of Lap Roux-en Y Bypass! Hurtful things were said, and at first I thought ' he's afraid for my health'. Then he proceeded to say that since I've "never been able to follow a diet plan for more than a few months" that there is "no way I'll be able to follow this diet plan for the rest of my life". And of course more hurtful words. His thinking is that the lap band can be reversed WHEN I fail! Uuugh!  Either he is as afraid as I am and is venting in an inappropriate way or his true feelings are coming out. I'm hurt and mad and shocked and hurt!  This will not stop me from proceeding, but can I do this on my own with him expecting and just waiting for me to fail? I sure hope the support group and Psychologist are ready for me!
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01-23-2008, 06:30 PM
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#2 (permalink)
| | WLS Guru
Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Posts: 435
Weight Statistics 8 years old.... Start Date:
April 3, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 2"
Height:
314 lb Start Weight:
166 lb Current Weight:
130 lb Goal Weight:
148 lb Weight Loss:
36 lb Lb Left to Lose:
47.1337579618 % % Lost:
April 2008 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index57.4250780437 BMI Start:
30.3584807492 BMI Current:
23.7747138398 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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You know, he's afraid. He's said some ugly and hurtful things, but he is afraid. Work it through, make time to talk. I'm sorry you're going through this now!
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01-23-2008, 06:35 PM
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#3 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: NY
Posts: 10,174
Weight Statistics 4/19/2007 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
260 lb Start Weight:
152 lb Current Weight:
165 lb Goal Weight:
108 lb Weight Loss:
-13 lb Lb Left to Lose:
41.5384615385 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index38.3910943079 BMI Start:
22.4440243646 BMI Current:
24.36357908 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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you have us too. and you absolutely CAN do it alone. i have no family, am a single parent and i've done it with the help of the wonderful people here. you can do it too. no one can hold you back but yourself. it takes hard work and dedication either route. people dont understand how this is so NOT the easy way out and it is a tool for life. if you have decided to go for it, we support you! forget about anything negative that anyone else has to say. either they are on board or they're not. (easy for me to say i dont have a hubby) i'm just trying to be supportive of you and your decision. vent all you like. thats what we are here for 
__________________  KenyaR.  Lap RNY 4/19/07 | |
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01-23-2008, 06:39 PM
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#4 (permalink)
| | WLS Mentor
Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,427
Weight Statistics On and off my whole life...Highest weight was 326 Start Date:
November 20, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
287 lb Start Weight:
210 lb Current Weight:
170 lb Goal Weight:
77 lb Weight Loss:
40 lb Lb Left to Lose:
26.8292682927 % % Lost:
August 2009 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index42.3778617937 BMI Start:
31.0081915564 BMI Current:
25.1018693552 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I would say that he is definatly afraid, you guys should work throu this, have him attend groups with you maybe this will help him, maybe he just don't understand the surgery very well. I am sorry to hear that you are going throu this.
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01-23-2008, 06:42 PM
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#5 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: NY
Posts: 10,174
Weight Statistics 4/19/2007 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
260 lb Start Weight:
152 lb Current Weight:
165 lb Goal Weight:
108 lb Weight Loss:
-13 lb Lb Left to Lose:
41.5384615385 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index38.3910943079 BMI Start:
22.4440243646 BMI Current:
24.36357908 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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maybe he could sign up here and read some of the info? it's kind of like an anonymous way to learn more...?
__________________ KenyaR. Lap RNY 4/19/07 | |
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01-23-2008, 06:44 PM
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#6 (permalink)
| | Whipper Snapper
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: NE Ohio
Posts: 46
Weight Statistics 02-04-2008 Start Date:
** 8/11/2008 ** Surgery Date:
5' 4"
Height:
270 lb Start Weight:
182 lb Current Weight:
130 lb Goal Weight:
88 lb Weight Loss:
52 lb Lb Left to Lose:
32.5925925926 % % Lost:
8/24/09 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index46.3403320312 BMI Start:
31.2368164062 BMI Current:
22.3120117188 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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THANKS! You guys are great! You are my inspiration! I am going to do this and succeed! With or without his support or anyone else's!
This is the dysfunctional story of my life. Always worrying about what other people think, allowing that to influence me, then regretting it, internalizing those feelings, eating my way to comfort, and hating myself for that!
I'm just shocked and soooooo hurt right now. Have to cool off before I can talk to him again (she says with tears in her eyes!).  | |
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01-23-2008, 06:47 PM
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#7 (permalink)
| | WLS Master Guru
Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: fort wayne ,ind.
Posts: 680
Weight Statistics 9-25-07 Start Date:
9-25-07 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
344 lb Start Weight:
210 lb Current Weight:
160 lb Goal Weight:
134 lb Weight Loss:
50 lb Lb Left to Lose:
38.9534883721 % % Lost:
1-09 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index55.5169880624 BMI Start:
33.891184573 BMI Current:
25.8218549128 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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 You have alot of support here. Any help I can offer is yours. Hang in there and try talking to him again explain how important this is for you.tell him you really want and need his support. Good luck Hun.
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01-23-2008, 07:19 PM
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#8 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 2,573
Weight Statistics 12-19-07 Start Date:
1-29-08 Surgery Date:
5' 3"
Height:
286 lb Start Weight:
165 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
121 lb Weight Loss:
15 lb Lb Left to Lose:
42.3076923077 % % Lost:
eventually Goal Date:
Body Mass Index50.6570924666 BMI Start:
29.2252456538 BMI Current:
26.5684051398 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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He sounds scared to me. Another aspect of it is him being afraid that it will actually work and you will get skinny and leave him. If he's so afraid of the bypass it's because he's more certain it will work. He probably agreed to the band to appease you and figured it would be like all other weight loss attempts. Just give it time for both of you to cool off and for you to regain your composure and then try again from this different angle and see if he admits it and then maybe you can help ease his fears. Good luck.
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01-23-2008, 08:34 PM
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#9 (permalink)
| | Super Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 24,786
5' 5"
Height:
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Awww (((((((HUGS))))))
You may need to figure out if he is afraid for you because he's heard a lot of scare stories about bypass, and thinks lap band is better because there's less complications.
Or, if he in truth doesn't want you to lose weight and regain your health because he feeds on your insecurity and failures.
With the first, there are misconceptions as 1) there are complications with lap band too, only, at the moment, some insurance compaines have started approving lap banding, and the media seems to be on a roll about lap banding being a *safe* option. 2) Gastric bypass suregeries can be reversed, too, and it has been done when there was a need to.
With the second, I'll have to say it's his problem, not yours, and you mustn't get your priorities about your health and life mixed up with his, and as a result concede to his wishes.
((((HUGS))) Be patient where you need to be, fight when you need to.
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01-23-2008, 08:36 PM
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#10 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,109
5/17/06 Start Date:
5' 6"
Height:
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Maybe he doesn't understand how it all works...
__________________
Play by the rules, but be ferocious.
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