[KillerKitten]

I'm just posting cause I feel like it though it is nothing specific.

I'm just feeling very unhappy about myself, and my size.
I have been plus size since err, I don't remember, before that I was as skinny as a stick. My nickname was bony butt.
Now I am 290 lbs, sore and always sick.
I want surgery but I cannot get any loans, never will again (very bad credit), no job, my insurence, well, the goverment pays my rent, bills, etc. I have no insurence I guess. ODSP is not like that.
I want to find a place that will take me in and help me with eating, exercise, and mental isssues, like I see on the show "big medicine" on a&e.
I have no idea how to find that kind of place, or how to pay for it.
I am being reffered to a dietician, again. My last one refuses to see me because I have no idea what I did to her. Maybe it was something I blacked out when I did it (been told at a former job that I have gone psyc`ho on people, but I have no memory of that, my theroy is I blacked out).
I want to join weight watchers.
How does one do this? Eat well, stick to it, deal with addictions (food addict), deal with numerous mental isses and not fail, I always fail. I try but I fail. Everytime that happens I feel like I don't deserve anything good or any chance to feel , I don't know.
My cravings rule me and if I don't get them, watch out, I will pummel you, well, I get very mad.
Being bipolar doesn't help with that.
I see food, I want it.
I don't get it I'm not happy, I get it I'm not happy.
I did OA for a couple months but I feel I do not deserve it, I was doing well, then I fell back to my old ways (yeah, said something like this already).
I want to be healthy, thin. Look like those I envy and hate (yeah ok, dislike, hate is a hard word).
Exerciuse... I'm lazy and in chronic pain (fibromyalgia), like to sit and sit and sit.
Great at making excuses.
I need to talk to others like me, in my situation.
Enough babling, shutting up.

[DocSanae]

(((((HUGS))))) Hang in there. and believe that your day will come.

[Lch]

Maybe you should talk to a counslor or something before you do anything. Even if you had surgery it wouldn't take away the mental part of the weight issues. I would start there first. Talk to your Doctor about referring you to someone, if you have state assistance or whatever you can see a primary and talk to them about the refferal. Just losing weight is not going to help..
Good Luck, and don't give up.

[qt82699]

i agree with LCH a person needs to start somewhere, good luck

[Queenofthenile]

I am sorry to hear that you are so sad. I do agree that maybe you should see a psychiatrist to address your issues of self loathing. A person that I met one time who had WLS said the Dr. operates on your stomache not your brain. Meaning that you have to be o.k. in all other areas i.e. loving yourself first before you do WLS because this is just a tool given to you to help with your weightloss. It is not magic. As far as exercising goes I know someone with fibromyalgia and she participates in Tae Kwon Do. She said it actually helps her with her pain. We have all been "lazy" and made up excuses not to exercise believe me but once you start it becomes like an addiction. You feel so good after exercise ( boosts your feel good hormones) and accomplished. Love yourself, embrace yourself with all your so called flaws, learn to have a better mental picture of yourself. This will be half the battle won and then hopefully the weightloss will follow. Keep your head up! (((((HUGS)))))