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06-26-2008, 08:07 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Whipper Snapper Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 16
5' 6"
Height:
|  Robbed of my womanhood
One of the things I lost because of my illness that I can never get back is my ability to have children. Both my primary care doctor and my psychiarist say the since my illness is a genetic condition that I have a very good chance of giving it to my baby. Providing the guy I marry doesn't have the same genes I do, about 50%. Plus the strain of the pregnancy would be too much for me, and with the meds I'm on they're not recommended to take when you're pregnant and if I go off of them that would be really bad for my health. On top of that the meds I take have caused me to gain weight and have killed my libedo too. I feel like I've been robbed of my womanhood. When I think about not being able to have a baby of my own it devastates me. I always wanted to have a baby. Now I can't. I feel like someone ripped inside my and stole my ovaries and uterus. Some people think I'm ridiculous to not have a baby because of my genes and think it's no big deal to have a baby with my DNA. How can I not not have a baby? I would be giving any child I would have a debilating disease. I can't and I won't do it. I try to put the energy that onced had for my dreams of having a baby into my education and career. Still it doesn't take away the void in my heart. I deserve to have a biological healthy baby, but I know I'll never have one. I know I can adopt and get a donor egg and a surrogate, but I still feel like I've been robbed of my womanhood. When I see a woman whose pregnant and is able to have a healthy child, I envy them. Plus, I fear no man will ever want me, because of it. Guys only want healthly, pretty, and fertile women. Anyways, I could use somebody to talk to please. |
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06-26-2008, 08:29 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| WLS Master Guru  Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Southwest Virginia
Posts: 501
Weight Statistics June 12, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 5"
Height:
330 lb Start Weight:
213 lb Current Weight:
180 lb Goal Weight:
117 lb Weight Loss:
33 lb Lb Left to Lose:
35.4545454545 % % Lost:
December, 2008 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 54.9088757396 BMI Start:
35.441183432 BMI Current:
29.950295858 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass  |
NOt really sure what your issue is that will keep you from conceiving, but i had to respond. I am 35 and a mother of a 9 year old child I adopted when she was 7. I was never able to have children and yes, I felt robbed as well. It does get easier. I guess adopting helped me, but prayer helped more than anything. It may sound simple, but I really felt like as long as the person pregnant knew what an awesome gift it was to be pregnant, I could not feel jealous. God had a plan for me. He has a plan for you. God chose to bless me with a child who needed a home; he just chose a different vehicle to get her here. She is my child. She looks like me and her daddy and she is my joy. She happened when I least expected it and after many many prayers. I don't know if this helps you or not, but just know you are not alone.
__________________ Carpe Diem!!!  Genmel   |
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06-26-2008, 08:38 PM
| #3 (permalink) | |
| Whipper Snapper Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 16
5' 6"
Height:
| Quote:
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06-26-2008, 08:45 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Seasoned Veteran  Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Mount Vernon, NY
Posts: 7,713
Weight Statistics 4/1/07 Start Date:
4/19/07 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
258 lb Start Weight:
158 lb Current Weight:
165 lb Goal Weight:
100 lb Weight Loss:
-7 lb Lb Left to Lose:
38.7596899225 % % Lost:
04/19/2008 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 38.0957781979 BMI Start:
23.3299726948 BMI Current:
24.36357908 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass   |
im confused. is it that you are not ABLE to get pregnant or you DONT WANT to have a baby that may have add or depression? im sorry i dont know enough about whats going on here to help. i have been off anf on for a while. i hope you find your way.
__________________ Anything worth having is worth working for Kenya R.  Lap RNY 4/19/07     |
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06-26-2008, 09:36 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Big Loser Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: California
Posts: 159
Weight Statistics 6/1/07 Start Date:
6/1/07 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
242 lb Start Weight:
150 lb Current Weight:
145 lb Goal Weight:
92 lb Weight Loss:
5 lb Lb Left to Lose:
38.0165289256 % % Lost:
12/31/08 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 39.0555555556 BMI Start:
24.2079889807 BMI Current:
23.4010560147 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass |
I feel your pain in the tone you use. I'm really sorry. I know you will have to greive in your own way & time. This doesnt mean anything maybe now but being a mother doesnt have to be because you give birth to a child.
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06-26-2008, 10:18 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Cub Reporter  Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Topeka, KS
Posts: 50
Weight Statistics 4/12/08 Start Date:
Postponed due to current pregnancy! Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
300 lb Start Weight:
295 lb Current Weight:
180 lb Goal Weight:
5 lb Weight Loss:
115 lb Lb Left to Lose:
1.66666666667 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index 44.2974165091 BMI Start:
43.559126234 BMI Current:
26.5784499055 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass |
Oh...I have ADD and depression both. (plus a tendancy to get blood clots, so I have to be on bloodthinner shots while pregnant) I have two daughters and am pregnant with a third child. I guess I don't understand why they are making such a big deal of it - I know many people who have had kids who have no problems....yes depression is highly hereditary, but I am not sure I have any friends who haven't struggled with it regardless of if their parents had it - life is tough, you know? Your symptoms could be worse than mine ---- I had to go off my ritalin and zoloft (though I know they allow some people to stay on zoloft while pregnant, I chose not to) while I am pregnant...but since i don't breastfeed (no milk ever comes in..wierd) I can go right back on my meds afterwards. My daughters neither one show any signs of ADD...and if they get depressed someday then they can go on antidepressants like everyone else. I would've never let my medical condition stop me from having kids - unless it would be a fatal decision, you know? Why does your doctor recommend you not be pregnant? Your post interested me - as none of my docs...OBGYN, psych doc, reg doc, nobody ever recommended I not have kids because of my medical conditions. I will pray for you that whatever ends up being the safest and best route for you - that you find a peace with it. I have lots of friends who have adopted, even as babies, and they are completely OK as that child is no less theirs than if they birthed it themselves. Hang in there --- and seek LOTS of medical advice. You will be in my prayers! Kimmy
__________________  Me and my girls, Saige & Mallory   |
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06-26-2008, 10:56 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| WLS Guru Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Michigan
Posts: 381
Weight Statistics 07/25/07 Surgery Date:
5' 8"
Height:
288 lb Start Weight:
201 lb Current Weight:
160 lb Goal Weight:
87 lb Weight Loss:
41 lb Lb Left to Lose:
30.2083333333 % % Lost:
08/2007 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 43.785467128 BMI Start:
30.5586072664 BMI Current:
24.3252595156 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass |
I agree with Sunflowergirl; I think I would be finding a new doctor. Many people with ADD and depression have children. Sounds like a quack to me,
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06-27-2008, 12:04 AM
| #8 (permalink) | |
| WLS Master Guru  Join Date: May 2008 Location: Minnesota
Posts: 522
Weight Statistics December 13, 2007 Start Date:
December 27, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
280 lb Start Weight:
163 lb Current Weight:
175 lb Goal Weight:
117 lb Weight Loss:
-12 lb Lb Left to Lose:
41.7857142857 % % Lost:
I'm there!!! Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 41.3442554085 BMI Start:
24.06826297 BMI Current:
25.8401596303 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass | I beg to differ ... Quote:
Not true!! The girl I married told me that she had a diagnosis that would prevent having children. I married her anyway because I loved her. I love her more now, 34 years later. We tried anyway, had a dozen miscarriages and a tubal pregnancy. Yup, the doc had been right all along, but we had to be sure. You may be right if you say that none of the immature man-child types running around enjoying themselves with their toys would want you. But they aren't MEN yet, just big kids with a full dose of hormones. Do you want a man who's looking for a life partner or a boy who's looking for a brood mare? There are real men out there, but to find them, you have to be the woman they're looking for. Figure that one out, then be that person and be where they are looking, and you'll find a good one. CT
__________________ da perfesser ******************* Dare to live your dream!!  | |
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06-27-2008, 01:24 AM
| #9 (permalink) | |
| Guru In Training  Join Date: May 2008 Location: Northern California
Posts: 203
Weight Statistics Teens Start Date:
12/1/2008 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
309 lb Start Weight:
296 lb Current Weight:
155 lb Goal Weight:
13 lb Weight Loss:
141 lb Lb Left to Lose:
4.2071197411 % % Lost:
12/31/09 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 49.8684573003 BMI Start:
47.7704315886 BMI Current:
25.0149219467 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass | Quote:
As you can see I have two beautiful (I'm a bit basi) little girls. So far they are doing well in regards to their health. And if something comes up we will deal with that bridge when we come to it. The doctors said the girls thyroid conditions may show up much later. As with possible depression. My little ones are miracles! I have a rare blood disease called RH Negative. When I was pregnant with my first (never used birth control as the doctor said I did not need to) I was in a horrible car accident and my blood mixed with hers. My body then developed anti-bodies towards any other pregnancies. Our second child was conceived on two types of birth control. That was after I found out the doctors were wrong and I was 'fertile mertile'. She was born six weeks early to stop my body from attacking her. I was 250 lbs. with my first daughter and 280 lbs. with my second. I do not recommend being that heavy and pregnant, as it was very difficult pregnancy, labor and delivery. In the end though, we feel very blessed and hope our daughters love us just the same for helping them come into this world. I do understand though if your health will be harmed by being pregnant, yes that is a difficult decision to make. Side note - I had to go off of some of my meds during my pregnancys, some of my own choice. But some anti-depersants are fine to be on. I was on Paxil/Thyroid with my first daughter and Prozac/Thyroid with my second. I always went back on my other meds as soon as I gave birth. the doctors will always tell you, a sane pregnant women is always better risk.
__________________ Five Months & Counting 12/1 - Surgery 11/19 - Preop 9/29 - Nutritionist 9/16 - Approval 9/6 - Surgeon / Dr Machado 8/11 - 2nd Orientation 7/24 - Physc 7/21 - Change Surgeons 7/18 - 1st Surgeon 6/4 - 1st Orientation 5/19 - Physical 4/28 - Original Referral   Last edited by OMCV; 06-27-2008 at 01:29 AM. | |
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06-27-2008, 05:34 AM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Seasoned Veteran  Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Florida
Posts: 4,654
Weight Statistics July 21, 2007 Start Date:
August 6, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 2"
Height:
287 lb Start Weight:
164 lb Current Weight:
140 lb Goal Weight:
123 lb Weight Loss:
24 lb Lb Left to Lose:
42.8571428571 % % Lost:
January 1, 2009 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 52.4872528616 BMI Start:
29.9927159209 BMI Current:
25.6035379813 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass  |
AWE, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I know that it hurts, but there are so many things that can come your way! Be strong.
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