[scrobin]

One of the things I lost because of my illness that I can never get back is my ability to have children. Both my primary care doctor and my psychiarist say the since my illness is a genetic condition that I have a very good chance of giving it to my baby. Providing the guy I marry doesn't have the same genes I do, about 50%. Plus the strain of the pregnancy would be too much for me, and with the meds I'm on they're not recommended to take when you're pregnant and if I go off of them that would be really bad for my health. On top of that the meds I take have caused me to gain weight and have killed my libedo too.

I feel like I've been robbed of my womanhood.

When I think about not being able to have a baby of my own it devastates me. I always wanted to have a baby. Now I can't. I feel like someone ripped inside my and stole my ovaries and uterus.

Some people think I'm ridiculous to not have a baby because of my genes and think it's no big deal to have a baby with my DNA. How can I not not have a baby? I would be giving any child I would have a debilating disease. I can't and I won't do it.

I try to put the energy that onced had for my dreams of having a baby into my education and career. Still it doesn't take away the void in my heart. I deserve to have a biological healthy baby, but I know I'll never have one.

I know I can adopt and get a donor egg and a surrogate, but I still feel like I've been robbed of my womanhood. When I see a woman whose pregnant and is able to have a healthy child, I envy them.

Plus, I fear no man will ever want me, because of it. Guys only want healthly, pretty, and fertile women.

Anyways, I could use somebody to talk to please.

[genmel]

NOt really sure what your issue is that will keep you from conceiving, but i had to respond. I am 35 and a mother of a 9 year old child I adopted when she was 7. I was never able to have children and yes, I felt robbed as well. It does get easier. I guess adopting helped me, but prayer helped more than anything. It may sound simple, but I really felt like as long as the person pregnant knew what an awesome gift it was to be pregnant, I could not feel jealous. God had a plan for me. He has a plan for you. God chose to bless me with a child who needed a home; he just chose a different vehicle to get her here. She is my child. She looks like me and her daddy and she is my joy. She happened when I least expected it and after many many prayers. I don't know if this helps you or not, but just know you are not alone.

[scrobin]

Originally Posted by genmel

NOt really sure what your issue is that will keep you from conceiving, but i had to respond. I am 35 and a mother of a 9 year old child I adopted when she was 7. I was never able to have children and yes, I felt robbed as well. It does get easier. I guess adopting helped me, but prayer helped more than anything. It may sound simple, but I really felt like as long as the person pregnant knew what an awesome gift it was to be pregnant, I could not feel jealous. God had a plan for me. He has a plan for you. God chose to bless me with a child who needed a home; he just chose a different vehicle to get her here. She is my child. She looks like me and her daddy and she is my joy. She happened when I least expected it and after many many prayers. I don't know if this helps you or not, but just know you are not alone.

I have a very good chance of giving ADD and depression to my baby, and the strain of a pregnancy would not be good for me.

[Kenyar]

im confused. is it that you are not ABLE to get pregnant or you DONT WANT to have a baby that may have add or depression? im sorry i dont know enough about whats going on here to help. i have been off anf on for a while.

i hope you find your way.

[ruiz4747]

I feel your pain in the tone you use. I'm really sorry. I know you will have to greive in your own way & time. This doesnt mean anything maybe now but being a mother doesnt have to be because you give birth to a child.

[SunflowerGirl]

Oh...I have ADD and depression both. (plus a tendancy to get blood clots, so I have to be on bloodthinner shots while pregnant) I have two daughters and am pregnant with a third child. I guess I don't understand why they are making such a big deal of it - I know many people who have had kids who have no problems....yes depression is highly hereditary, but I am not sure I have any friends who haven't struggled with it regardless of if their parents had it - life is tough, you know? Your symptoms could be worse than mine ---- I had to go off my ritalin and zoloft (though I know they allow some people to stay on zoloft while pregnant, I chose not to) while I am pregnant...but since i don't breastfeed (no milk ever comes in..wierd) I can go right back on my meds afterwards. My daughters neither one show any signs of ADD...and if they get depressed someday then they can go on antidepressants like everyone else. I would've never let my medical condition stop me from having kids - unless it would be a fatal decision, you know? Why does your doctor recommend you not be pregnant? Your post interested me - as none of my docs...OBGYN, psych doc, reg doc, nobody ever recommended I not have kids because of my medical conditions.

I will pray for you that whatever ends up being the safest and best route for you - that you find a peace with it. I have lots of friends who have adopted, even as babies, and they are completely OK as that child is no less theirs than if they birthed it themselves. Hang in there --- and seek LOTS of medical advice. You will be in my prayers!
Kimmy

[courtneey]

I agree with Sunflowergirl; I think I would be finding a new doctor. Many people with ADD and depression have children. Sounds like a quack to me,

[Perfesser]

Originally Posted by scrobin

Plus, I fear no man will ever want me, because of it. Guys only want healthly, pretty, and fertile women.

Not true!! The girl I married told me that she had a diagnosis that would prevent having children. I married her anyway because I loved her. I love her more now, 34 years later. We tried anyway, had a dozen miscarriages and a tubal pregnancy. Yup, the doc had been right all along, but we had to be sure.

You may be right if you say that none of the immature man-child types running around enjoying themselves with their toys would want you. But they aren't MEN yet, just big kids with a full dose of hormones. Do you want a man who's looking for a life partner or a boy who's looking for a brood mare?

There are real men out there, but to find them, you have to be the woman they're looking for. Figure that one out, then be that person and be where they are looking, and you'll find a good one.

CT

[OMCV]

Originally Posted by Perfesser

Not true!! The girl I married told me that she had a diagnosis that would prevent having children. I married her anyway because I loved her. I love her more now, 34 years later. We tried anyway, had a dozen miscarriages and a tubal pregnancy. Yup, the doc had been right all along, but we had to be sure.

You may be right if you say that none of the immature man-child types running around enjoying themselves with their toys would want you. But they aren't MEN yet, just big kids with a full dose of hormones. Do you want a man who's looking for a life partner or a boy who's looking for a brood mare?

There are real men out there, but to find them, you have to be the woman they're looking for. Figure that one out, then be that person and be where they are looking, and you'll find a good one.

CT

I so agree! My DH married me whether I could have children or not and at 250 lbs. Of course for physical reasons I was told I would never be able to carry to term or have children (by several doctors). So we were emotional settled in that regard before we got married. Anyway I have Major Depression, Auto-Immune Disease (Thyroid), Agriphobia, not to mention 150 lbs over weight. Thyroid problems run in both sides of my family. I too was very worried, well the feeling guilty part of passing on something I had no control over.

As you can see I have two beautiful (I'm a bit basi) little girls. So far they are doing well in regards to their health. And if something comes up we will deal with that bridge when we come to it. The doctors said the girls thyroid conditions may show up much later. As with possible depression.

My little ones are miracles! I have a rare blood disease called RH Negative. When I was pregnant with my first (never used birth control as the doctor said I did not need to) I was in a horrible car accident and my blood mixed with hers. My body then developed anti-bodies towards any other pregnancies. Our second child was conceived on two types of birth control. That was after I found out the doctors were wrong and I was 'fertile mertile'. She was born six weeks early to stop my body from attacking her.

I was 250 lbs. with my first daughter and 280 lbs. with my second. I do not recommend being that heavy and pregnant, as it was very difficult pregnancy, labor and delivery.

In the end though, we feel very blessed and hope our daughters love us just the same for helping them come into this world.

I do understand though if your health will be harmed by being pregnant, yes that is a difficult decision to make.

Side note - I had to go off of some of my meds during my pregnancys, some of my own choice. But some anti-depersants are fine to be on. I was on Paxil/Thyroid with my first daughter and Prozac/Thyroid with my second. I always went back on my other meds as soon as I gave birth. the doctors will always tell you, a sane pregnant women is always better risk.

[kimtindall]

AWE, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I know that it hurts, but there are so many things that can come your way! Be strong.