[tcortez]

15 months post op and 126lb of weight lose but who am I!. Being obese my whole life I find I do not know who I really am now. People who never talked to me are now, and people I have known for years I avoid. I get excited to go out and run into people I know, but then the questions come. "Wow how did you lose all that weight? What diet aree you on?" When I tell them I had a gastric bypass they say oh, as if I took the easy way out. What is bad I feel guilty as if I cheated? I use to be so outgoing and now I pretty much keep to myself. Everyone in my family say I am different, my friends always ask if I am ok. Why do I feel so self conscious now? I worry about my arms and the extra skin, my legs and how I look older. However I love to go shopping and am always shocked to try the next size down in clothes and I am so excited about it. I am just trying to get my head straight and feel better about myself. When will I feel normal?

[MsVickie]

You know someone else said this when asked how they lost so much weight. They said well I changed the way I eat. Its not a lie. Because you did change the way you eat. If they ask what...... just say I eat protein first then follow it up with veggies etc. Your not lying what so ever. I have been in your shoes to honey. They do have a strange look dont they.

You know yourself you didnt take the easy way out. So dont let them make you think that is what they think.

Dont withdrawl honey. Its your time to shine. When will you feel normal? I cant tell you that. That is somthing I have seen on here alot. I myself never have let myself think that. I feel normal now always have. Yes even when I was much larger. You have to be you. I think maybe you are a bit depressed acutally if people are asking you what is wrong.

There are alot of us whom suffer with it. We did before and it can make it intensify afterwards. I think alot of it is....... the medication we took before is absorbed so much differtnly than before and we need an adjustment.

Let yourself live honey. Your the one blocking yourself from not doing it. Smile breathe its you in that new body your looking at in the mirror each day. Its just a smaller version let you self embrace it.

[Perfesser]

In addition to saying you changed the way you eat, tell them you found a doctor who helped you and you decided to follow his or her instructions faithfully. (You'll lose 99% of them when you start talking about following doctor's orders!! Who has the discipline to do that these days?) Then talk about reduced portions, separating eating and drinking so you keep the full signal, chewing slowly - tell them everything you are doing, but just leave out that one little surgical detail. Make it sound more like the hard, demanding, disciplined way it really is. I did this during my rapid weight loss period. It wasn't until after I had stabilized at goal that I told anyone about the surgery, but when I did tell them, I didn't have to pull back any lies.

Your identity should not be your size or weight. You must have something of more permanence in your life that you can build on. I guess I'm fortunate that I never let myself think in terms of being fat, even though I was. So when I was no longer fat, I didn't have an identity void to fill with something else. If anything, losing the weight has enabled me to be better at what I do in a multitude of ways, so I am even more obnoxious than I used to be.

It can be unsettling though to have to reinvent yourself. But what a grand opportunity!! If you could be anyone you wanted, who would you be? Become that person now!! Why not?? If you don't know who you are anyway, you have nothing to lose!!!

When we say that this surgery is life-changing, we're not messing around!! You've had great technical success - apply that discipline to becoming the person you always wanted to be but were not able. You are now!!!! Go for it!!!

Think I put that first line in my sig just for show? That is my personal philosophy, and it works wonders every time it's tried!!!

CT

[poppiestootsie]

I completely understand what you mean. I worry about, after surgery, how I'm going to cope with not being the funny fat girl anymore. Most of my jokes are based on myself and how fat I am. That's how people know me. What am I without that? I have no idea. But I think the risk to discover who I am without hiding behind all the dat is worth it. It's time to see who really is inside and be who i've always wanted to be.

[Perfesser]

THAT is what it means to dare to live the dream!! Take a chance!! You are deliberately putting yourself wwwaaayyyyyyy outside your comfort zone! Is the "funny fat girl" the identity you want? Better give up on WLS then, because in a year or two you won't qualify any more. How funny is it when the skinny girl makes fat jokes?

We have all placed a bet on ourselves, that we can come through this experience as better, healthier, happier people. Fat has defined us for too long, and now we are rebelling and casting off that persona. Time to create a new you in the image of the woman you dream of being!!! (Or the guy, for those of us in the minority here!! )

CT

[DocSanae]

There's question I asked relating to this, here.

[Aliswife]

Maybe, just maybe the person u were pre-op is not the person u are at all. Maybe u just used the loud, funny outgoing girl as a distraction. Maybe, skinny girl does not feel the need to get her attention the same way? Maybe u were "outgoingness" was just a distraction?

What is wrong with being calm and reserved? This maybe the person u were meant to be?

I have done much of the same. I am not uncomfortable in my surroundings anymore. I don't always have a cover joke anymore. I, personally, am enjoing blending in. I feel like now I have more to offer then the laughs in the room.

It is really strange but, all of the sudden my opinion seems to have more weight, especially in a business environment. I think it has more to do with my self confidence. I feel more worthy of sharing a non funny, intelligent comment. I don't think it is due to being thinner...I think it is how I perceive mself now.

It sure is a trip..huh?

[lmu62]

I've been giving this subject a lot of thought since I found out I was approved for surgery. I was "normal" size until I was 27 (I'm 47 now) and I'm trying to remember what that felt like. I certainly didn't think about food and my body the way I do now and I'm hoping to get back to that same thought process. I've turned myself into the funny fat girl too and I'm really curious to see how my sense of humor changes. I love to laugh and to make people laugh but what will I joke about if it's not my size, oh well I guess I could have worse problems.

It does sound like you might have some depression and you should definitely talk to your doctor as soon as possible about how you're feeling. Life should be a happy adventure and now that you're losing weight it should be even better with lots of happiness and good times so don't wait, call your doctor and discuss your options today!!

[not quite Barbie]

Hi. I went through a phase right around the 18 month mark that I posted about. I had lost all the excess weight and was maintaining. I felt kind of lost because I had been so focused on losing the weight and changing sizes and now that I was done, what now?
It takes a while but this too passes.

[Perfesser]

Let's draw a clear line right now between a good sense of humor and fat jokes! Fat jokes are based on personal putdowns, not the inherent humor of a situation. It is not truly funny to tear yourself down in public, and cannot help but have a negative impact on self-image and self-worth.

Too much of what passes as comedy is destructive. We laugh at someone else's inconvenience, but would we laugh as loud and long if we were the butt of the joke? Cracking jokes about our failings emphasizes our problem. It doesn't help them.

There have been some wildly successful masters of true humor. Who doesn't laugh at Red Skelton or Bill Cosby's classic routines? They don't target a victim, they share an experience. Turn on the tube now and you'll see some mediocrity launch a personal assault at some helpless victim and the laugh track programs your response. Step back and watch how you tell your self-destructive jokes and see if they are truly funny or sadly pathetic.

I'm not attacking anyone here. I am venting my frustration at the wannabes and pretenders passed off in our society as comics who couldn't tell a really funny joke if you dangled a fat checkbook in front of them. I guess I was laughed at a couple of times too often in my youth and it's made me more aware of what that kind of "humor" can do in the long run to a person's spirit.

While we're remaking ourselves here, can we make ourselves more empathetic to the situations of others? We'll be better men and women for doing it.

<whew!!>

CT