18 Months Into It
Posted Today at 09:35 AM by
terahkuy Tags
Mixed feelings....
Why haven't I felt the need to be a part of this site for the past six months? In retrtospect, I think it is really because my focus has shifted from my gastric bypass issues to my headache issues.
September of 2010 is when I was first hospitalized for pain management of a headache and that's right at the nine month mark, which is when my last blog post was written. I am mad at myself for not posting a one year blog, especially to cap off the "year of weight loss" or my "journey" or whatever the frenetic experience that is gastric bypass and all of its complications and joys.
Anyhoo, let's summarize where I am after a year and a half. Weight-wise, the last six months have been stagnet so this might as well be considered a one year post. I am at 180-ish pounds, which is about 120-ish pounds lost. I have never excercised and as a result am weak and puny and that frustrates me. I wear size 14/16 clothes which now includes skinny jeans and look pretty darn good if everything is supported properly (LOL!!).
My biggest struggle continues to be the migraines. I have them continuously now. Everday, every moment of everday darn day. I've been through all of the medications that no longer work and was on hydrocodone for two months. I've been through four neurologists and am getting ready to get settled with one that doesn't allow pain medicine (which scares me to death).
Because of the complications with the medication side effects and the fact that I was on narcotics, I am on disability from work. I have had to give up my position in sales because the FMLA time ran out. My primary care doctor has also sent me to a therapist to deal with stress and I have now been officially diagnosed with OCD and anxiety, which all my doctors feel are contributing to the headaches.
This week has been especially filled with pain and I have finally become aware that my mental state and physical state are very much connected. By facing the looming threat of no pain medicine I have already over analyzed the fear I am going to face and pain I will have to endure at the hands of this "horrible" new doctor's orders. According to the therapist, this has taken away any control I have over the situation, which has increased my anxiety (fight or flight response) making the headaches worse. I've been to the hospital three times and have just stayed in bed listless with pain, not even interested in watching television. My husband Donny brought it up last night that he thought the additional pain was all in my head (no pun intended) and in a way he is right on point.
Anyway, I am schedued for an occipital nerve block and botox injections in a week and we will see if those procedures bring any relief. I really hope so. Also, the new neurologist is totally changing up my medications and eliminating several of them, which I think will be very helpful.
With regards to my secondary priority of the gastric bypass surgery, there is a very long distance between first and second priorities. In thinking about my OCD, the only physical compulsive behavior I really have is eating the same thing over and over again. I tend to crave the same thing for about six weeks in a row and then will move on to something else. My sister thinks it's really weird whereas my husband finds it really convenient (we eat out every meal). I am trying to make sure there is protein involved but I know that I am nowhere near the 60 grams they are asking for every day. I tend to remember my vitamins every fourth day and my calcium never. I snack regularly, which is totally against the rules laid out by my doctor. However, my goal right now is just to exist. I don't care if I don't lose another pound.
I wish I could say that I was enjoying my time off of work but I'm not. I'm not reading or shopping or being artsy or crafty. I'm sad that I lost my sales position but am glad that I was able to bow out gracefully from a position that is structured in such a way that no one will be able to succeed in it.
I don't know if I will ever make another post on this website...maybe at the two year mark. My husband really wants me to journal my weight loss experience and I think that two years is a good amount of time to include. Plus, I have faith and am believing that six months from now, I will be healed of the headaches.
I will start 2012 healthy!!!
It's been a while... 18 months into it 
Linear Mode
