[knm30554]

My mom who is suppose to be my "support person" when I have surgery is convinced that I should not have it done. She thinks it is not normal to alter the way your body is made up inside and that it could cause problems years down the road. She said that she really doesn't think I have tried hard enough. Do ya'll ever hear that? How am I suppose to have this done if the one person that matters most won't support me?
She says that I could die and I could get really sick after the surgery and not be able to take care of my two daughters who depend on me.
What can I do to convince her that this is the right thing for me? I've heard about the horror stories of people dying on the table during surgery or getting sick from malnutrition afterwards but I think that medical technology has come along way. The place I'm having my surgery at is one of the "Centers of Excellence" in bariatric treatment.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks

[MsVickie]

Honey i hear the same thing from my son. The exact same thing. Hes 22. Has your mom went with you to any support group meeting or... attened the meeting with your surgeon? I know she is scared because your her daughter.....however....This is your body your trying to fix. Your mom needs to hear the good stuff about this surgery and not only the bad. If you have to point her in the right direction do it. Do you know anyone who had this done personally or met anyone who would be willing to talk to your mother about how they did? That might make a world of difference. And yes please let you mom know that within the last 5-6 years this surgery has changed alot. Its not like the old surgerys. Maybe you need to edcuate her a bit more on this and perhaps she will come around and be happy for you. She will come around about this. I hope you have a great weekend honey.

[DocSanae]

People say you haven't tried enought because they don't understand the physiology of obesity--the medical chemical and physical what and what nots of obesity.
It's not very long since medical science has started digging into the science of obesity, so, no wonder uninformed people won't understand that obesity is a disease that needs to be treated the same way as any other disease--with inteference with lifestyle and improving that, prescribing medication where indicated, and utilizing surgery when that is an option. Even some of the medical society still has prejudice against surgical treatment for obesity. No wonder uninformed people are prejudiced.

Educating your family yourself is no easy task, since there's going to be a lot of emotions involved in it, and it may not easy for you to lay out the clear medical and scientific facts that go along with the surgery--not hear-say, which is what most of your family at the moment is relying on, to tell you their opinions.
I think the best way is to take along your family to the information seminars and support meetings sponsored by whichever surgery center/surgeon who will be treating you. Give your family the chance to directly question the professionals, and the post ops.
Let the pros explain the specifics of the surgery, and how to interpret all the data--yes, data has to be interpreted, consideration on when the data were taken, who took them, how they were evaluated, etc etc all affect the conclusion drawn from the data. From time to time, people will use the same data to draw completely opposite conclusions. Unless you are a highly trained professional in that area, it is going to be difficult for you to refute reasonably and absolutely, whatever information your family draw their conlusion from. So, let the pros who will be taking care of you take care of that as well.

Having your family meet these people will serve for you, two purposes. 1) As I said, for them to directly hear the what and what nots and 2) to meet the people in whose care your family must put you and give their trust to. If they don't want to go, then bring out your best weapon.
"I hope you love me enough to do me this one favor. For me, I feel my life depends on this. I want you to have the chance to check things out first hand."

(((((HUGS))))) May your journey go well.

[Kenyar]

I have found that in my short lived life, its always the people who are not obese saying "why dont you just exercise or diet?" And for many years I struggled trying to do just that and came to the realization that I am just not built that way and I needed help before my weight caused some serious medical issues. And now I have been given this tool and I feel so much better. They dont understand, but once you start losing and regain some healthiness the support may come pouring in. Until then, you have us

[Robbin]

It is hard for some people to understand what goes through our minds and how we finally come to this dicision to have this surgery.
I truly was desperate and could not go on the way I was and still fight with that "I am so fat and ugly".
I am alot smaller now and still have a long way to go, and I too worry about all the long term issues that come up but to be honest i would do this again, and will always be glad that I do not look and feel the way i did a year ago. Just looking at my last blood work is enough to convince me of that too.
I have had alot of support but have too had alot of the concerns and worries of what could happen,
I went to alot of the support meetings with my husband and my Son, and that would probably be the best start to help yur mother understand by seeing the folks there who have gone through the same things you are now. The negative is easy to think about and it would be good to see the possitive. It is always good to be more possitive.

Good luck to you, and yes you do have us.,

robbin

[fr1endly2]

I dunno first off my father was not for my surgery at all and was one of the few i told i was haveing. HE felt it was much to drastic......now mind you he battled his weight all his life, has heart desease and type II diabetes which ill be prone to staying that size...so go figure. HE never survived to see me successful, skinny and happy.
ANYWAY....
i really truly feel non obesite people really just dont get it......
unless they battle this themselves. I know for me i can loose weight
and did many times over and over...but i always gained it back plus.
I feel for me personally....
my birth defect was fixed. I now eat normal person poritions and get full
and can stop eating my meals. SURE i have to work on my snacking habits
but my meal time matters are in control.

Unfotunately the people around us have only heard the horrors of the surgery...and not the good. PERHAPS invited them to read the posts on this board...have them meet with your surgeon...mine actually requires meeting your main support person at a pre op appointment....
some of these things might help the negative thoughts.
JUST a thought!
hang in there~!
and do this for you if you feel its right !

[whizzersmom]

People say you haven't tried hard enough because they just don't understand at all. Period And the people saying this usually never had a weight problem in their life. (Funny how that works isn't it) I'll tell you how you are going to go through this with or without your mom's support. You go through it and have it done because you KNOW it is the right think for you, and that it will improve your quality of life greatly. And you surround yourself with people who WILL support your decision. Everything will be fine and I would be willing to bet that once it's all over with and you are starting to loose you mom will be there for you. Good luck and we are here for you.

[not quite Barbie]

All our lives, everyone has been told by the medical community that we just need to diet and exercise to lose weight. It's just been in recent years, as obesity continues to become a world wide problem, that the medical community is relooking at the problem and starting to change the way they think. There are thousands of medical studies on the web that are proving that obesity is different than being overweight. Diet and exercise works for overweight, but NOT for obesity. The ONLY thing right now that can permanently help is surgery.

There are quite a few reports that obese people cannot keep the weight off, 95% regain it all back within 2 years. I just read a study yesterday where they concluded that obese people would have been better off not dieting at all because dieting just caused us to regain all the weight plus more, and the physical aspects of the yo-yo weight loss and gain is worse that if we'd not lost it at all. Something I've suspected for years. LOL

I've twice lost 65 pounds through diet, exercise and diet pills. It doesn't work! You can try as hard as you want - but it just doesn't work! I wish there was a pill, or hypnosis, or a behavior modification class, or anything less drastic than this surgery but there isn't. Maybe someday, but I personally don't want to wait that long and take the chance of getting sicker or dying.

I suggest you do some googling and print out the studies for your mom to read. Good luck.

[A new me]

I went thru the whole thing as you are. My mom was a big supporter for me for quite some time. My journey started about 9 months before i had the surgery. She was bery suportive for quite some time, but then the closer it got she changed her tune. She was telling me the same stuff your mom is telling you. In the end, i did what was best for me and my health and for my family. I am now 9 weeks post op and feel wonderful and Im the road to a being a new healthier person and its wonderful.

I was very torn becasue Im close with my mom and didnt want to disaapoint her but in the end I made the decison on my own. And
she is fine now with it. I think they get nervous and are afraid sometihngis goinng to happen as it gets close.
Hang in there and do whats best for you.

[Nora]

I understand you very well. Most people do not understand. We have tried dieting many times. Lost and then gained it all plus a few extra pounds. My insurance denied me so many times, that I paid for my procedure and do not regret it. Even with nausea and other small problems, it will get better.

Nora