[Kenyar]

Im feeling a little down. I know it has to do with all of this. But i refuse to sit here and cry like i have been for the last day or so. It's not TOM. And theres nothing especially traumatic going on in my life. I just think its the difficulty I am having adjusting to all of this. My only saving grace is posting here.

I kind of feel like everyone talks about the before and after WOWs but rarely do we hear about the inbetweens. I feel very awkward. I'm flabby, inbetween sizes, my hair is falling out. I dont mean to complain. Healthwise i feel better than I have felt in YEARS. But i just feel wierd. Almost like a sideshow freak. I asked my friend to look at me. And she doesnt see what I see at all. Maybe i have that mental illness. You know, when anorexics look at themselves in the mirror, they see someone fat? What is that called?? Maybe i have that? My mind is just not cooperating with all of this....and its a bummer.

Supposedly, as per my friend, I'm not anywhere near as flabby as my perception of my flab. I have some perception issues. We've talked about them before. About how I dont see what everyone else sees when it comes to me and my weight loss. And now the flab.

I dont mean to whine. I really dont. I am sure there are people out there who have this worse than me for that alone I feel very guilty even mentioning it. But I just thought I would vent. This whole experience is weighing heavily on my emotions. Never in a million years did i think I would be here. I thought I would be bouncing off the walls with happiness. I'm halfway to goal and I should be VERY happy. But I'm just not. I'm just not.

This is my arm and my stomach....

I can share this with you guys because yu are family. lol! but i wouldnt subject my worst enemy to viewing my flab lol!

armflab.JPG

belly flab.JPG

[DocSanae]

Awwww ((((((HUGS))))))
It's difficult for you, but it's your brain playing games with you.
You've been in your *fat* shell for sooooo long, your brain is refusing to accept the new you in the mirror.
This is something that everyone goes through, and this readjusting your perception of yourself is very important in helping you keep on track, and in readjusting your life in general, but it does take time. Eventually, though, you will get it.
I'm pretty sure you know the answers to your Qs, you're a very smart gal, so while you feel like crying, I'm sure you also know what you need to do.
Right now, your brains are playing a tug-o-war with your self perception, and also with what should make you happy.
If you feel professional help will do you some good, then go for it.
Another thing that may help your with your body flab woes is, find a body suit that will help you shape. A cincher, body shaper, whatever. Get a new bra, not off the rack, but splurge on getting a trained fitter fit you with one. It really makes a world of difference in your body contour when you have things fitted by a trained fitter, and just that probably will help you feel better.

Incidentally, have you ever taken a look at this post by FemmeMode?
I sure hope this will ease your mind, rather than upset you more, but this is one thing that everyone stresses over in one way or another.
(((((HUGS)))))

[Kat]

Like Doc says, it's a mind thing. I went through it too. I just kept (keep) my eye on the prize of where I'm going and remember how I sad I felt pre-WLS.
It's like day & night.
You are doing soooo well! You can be proud of yourself and all the work that you have done so far.

[Kenyar]

HPIM0609.jpg

So...I went out and bought this girdle type thingy. It's cool because it sucks me in and hides all the lumps and bumps in the tummy area. The only drawbacks are: 1. Its a little warm under here and 2. I have to figure out an efficient way to use the ladies room lol! It's a one piece thing. Kind of like a one piece bathing suit...but I do feel a little better.

Now, if i could just find a way to strap down my arm flab...

[Jill]

Kenyar -- I'm still really new here, and I haven't even begun to go through what you are going through right now. I would imagine that most would tell you that having emotional swings is probably pretty normal. "So never worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34 ) Just take it one day at a time -- enjoy the "present" you have been given in today and the new life you have. Be encouraged. Be of good cheer. Know that you are loved beyond all human understanding and that nothing can change that love or diminish it one bit.

[fr1endly2]

((HUG)) kenya
but i will say that when the hair
phase was hitting thats when the moods
became the bluest.
I have said it many times that i fully
never understood being down alot of weight
at that point and soo down in the dumps....
its part of the surgery and i strongly recommend
to any one if the blues and weepies get bad
dont feel shy to discuss with doctors and seek
medical help.
ITS a difficult time.

KENYA when i want to look good for going out
i have used the all in ones...and mine opens
in the crothch for potty needs which thinner now
its easier to do then when heavier.
sorry your feeling blue but your right at the phase
those moments come in.
USUALLY when i was getting down in the dumps i know
for me my cure was to go out and try on clothes and
see the new sizes and some how that helped me thru the weepy
tough days.

GOOD L UCK!
your doing wonderful.....

[A new me]

I agree kenya. Your doing super. That last shot of you standing in the mirror looks wonderful. you look so good. You have come a long ways and it can only get better as they say right. Listen to what Lisa says. She is ahead of us and she said there would be those blue moments. But also dont be afraid to go to see someone if you need to like Lisa says too. It cant hurt.
I know you dont think you see it but your looking so good. You look like a different person. your whole body, your eyes pop and your beautiful.
So hang in there and keep the journey going.

[knm30554]

I agree Kenya. You are doing so great and look so good in that fall body pic. It will get better, I just know it. You are such a strong and intelligent person, you can make it through this. This is a piece of cake compared to what you have already been through. Hold your head high, you have accomplished so much since your surgery and being a single mom and handling it at the same time is magnificent. You may not know it, but you are an inspiration to me and to alot of others also.

[yma]

Kenyar: You know ive posted about my emotions many times b4. Its a roller coaster ride we are riding. Just take it one day at a time. I can tell you this your full body shot of you looks gorgeous. Also think back to the day that that guy asked you for your phone number !!!!!!!

We all will have some amount of excess skin at some point or another. Some will live with it some may opt for plastics which in some cases you can get insurance to cover. Just concentrate on one thing at a time. Right now lose the weight...and then later on if the skin bothers you too much decide then what you would like to do.

[Kenyar]

hey guys as always thanks for the support.

I am definitely looking into my behavioral health options thru my insurance which i think is whats bumming me out even more. I have been given the run around for weeks trying to see a shrink. today I am going to call again and see if i can get all of this authorized. mental health is supposeldy free thru my benefits but getting them to authorize the visits and to refer you seems like its the hard part here which is crazy. i complained to one of the huma resouces people at work last week. i said i cant believe i would have to go thru all of this to see someone if i had a crisis. i mean all of the red tape is enough to throw someone into crisis. all she would tell me was that it was standard.....ugh! i'm going to try again today.

i kind of like this one piece girdle thingy for the time being. i feel much better wearing it. nothing jiggles. im going to get ready for work have a great day all!