[Kenyar]

I guess I have been doing a lot of soul searching and diggin deep lately. It seems odd to me that I have lived in this apartment complex for 8 months now.
Example #1 Every morning and every evening i see the same people. its kind of like routine. we are our own community within a community so to speak. anyhow, of course recently due to the weight loss people speak to me that never have before. And while I am friendly and respond in the back of my head I am wondering if I should bother. They never "saw" me before WLS. Now all of a sudden it's "good morning!" "how ya doin"

I know that if I am going to start living life, dating etc, I cant be bitter about how my life was before. I need to let it go. BUT, to what extent?

Example #2, my daughter's father. We broke up for good in December. We really dont deal with eachother at all, but now all of a sudden he wants to spend time up here (in Connecticut, he lives in NY) He wants to call and "talk" all hours of the night. He wants to send me text messages all day etc. Now, we broke up (more than once) for a reason. Why on earth would i start spending time with him again? Because NOW he's attracted to me? I dont get it. Is all supposed to be forgiven just because HE is attracted to ME now??

I know I shouldnt hold grudges against people in general. And that part of living life is letting go, but if people never took the time to know me before WLS, why would I want to get to know them now???? It's like you lose a little weight and all of a sudden the expectation is that you are everyone's friend regardless of past issues. I mean, do I automatically have to be friendly?? LOL!

What are your thoughts?

[MsVickie]

Well be Kenya. Dont begrudge people for what they did earlier unless it was painful to you, even then you have to let it go at some point. I cant get into your daughters father with you. I have no idea the situation and the reasons why yall are not together. Im sure you know what that is deep in your heart. That one you will have to make on your own. Remember even tigers cant change there stripes...... they only change for the worse.

Now for the complex you live in. I dont know how it was before honey but did you ever think your holding your head higher now? Mabye a little bit.
People do judge you on your weight. That is why I always say Hello ! It takes there eyes off the rest of me and hopefully see me not my weight.

Your also probally in a better mood to now. Maybe? We touched on this subject back in a post that ArmywifetoAriel done a few months back. People was telling her not to lose her sense of humor with the weight. I suppose in there minds they think eveything changes. As we know it can build charater and self esteem. But what was in your heart before will still be there no matter how much you lose. Your Kenya. Your not gonna lose yourself in you WL path. You didnt say if you had seen your ex since you have had surgery or not. Perhaps that is it? I have no idea just remember the why before and that should set you on the right path to what you need to do about it.

This is all I can offer mabye some of it made sense.

[Ladyhawk]

It is amazing isn't it, how people don't seem to see you when you are over weight. Haven't lost enough to experience what you are.

I guess it is part of what they warned me about in the psych classes about people and the changes wls bring to relationships. They told us that 90% of wls patients who are married get divorced. Pretty harsh stats.

[BOOTS]

Tuff Subject

I Too Have Thought About This Subject, But Its To Early For Me To Experience It Yet. Im Not Sure How To Answer This For You Hun. It Has Boggled My Mind Also For When My Time Comes, How Will I React? Im Sorry I Cant Answer This For You But Hopefully Someone Else Can.

I Would Like To Hear The Answer As Well. Because In Our Society People Look Down On Overweight People. I See On Tv All The Time Where They Do Experiments With An Overweight Person And A Thin Person And Its Always The Thin Person That Get The Job Or The Man Or The Attention, Etc

[Kenyar]

it all makes sense of course i just dont want to be that chick that lost weight and is now "better" than everyone else, but at the same time people didnt speak to me before at all lol. I think i deserve better. a little better at least

My daughter's father is a train wreck waiting to happen. we had 10 YEARS of history. i've been cheated on, left stuck in situations, used, my credit destroyed etc (you get the picture )all because before i thought i couldnt do any better. now that i know or at least have hope that i can, i dont really need him lol! yes he has seen me since WLS a few times here or there. and i have caught him looking, but im just not interested.

I guess in a sense the way people treated me before WAS painful to a certain extent. It's like when you are big you either get stared at for how big you are, or people look right past you and dont notice you at all. to actually have eye contact with people now is strange.

True indeed sometimes i catch myself holding my head higher than before. And that MIGHT be why people are actually speaking to me. I just notice how people are towards me now more than before....it's pretty interesting to say the very least.

[Kenyar]

Originally Posted by Ladyhawk

It is amazing isn't it, how people don't seem to see you when you are over weight. Haven't lost enough to experience what you are.

I guess it is part of what they warned me about in the psych classes about people and the changes wls bring to relationships. They told us that 90% of wls patients who are married get divorced. Pretty harsh stats.

90%!!!!!!! glad i never got married

[bren]

You do get more attention as a "skinny" person than overweight. Some of it is just enough to piss ya off

[Ladyhawk]

Kenya, I know -- I couldn't believe the stat. Very scarry.

[Chilly]

You just NEVER realize how much things change about Y O U during this whole journey. Never in a MILLION years would I have thought that SO much is involved in this.

[Kenyar]

thats very true chilly.

the funny thing is that going into this i thought the hardest thing would be exercisng or portion control. NO WAY. the brain work is the toughest part by far.

I must admit though i have mixed feelings about the attention. i am cool with it to a certain extent. but i am a little irritated by it as well. because i was always me. and if people would have bothered to get to know me they would have known me all this time, ya know?? GOSH!