[goofchick]

I am beginning to resent my husband and my daughter... silly as it sounds.

This childcare nightmare continues and I go back to work in a few days! I spent all day caring for Shelby and trying to do phone interviews while she naps. Then when DH gets home, he watches Shelby and I do phone interviews and/or in-person interviews. Then after she goes to bed, I spend my time posting the ad, trying to find other places to post the ad, or working on updating the childcare work agreement. I go to bed and the next day it starts all over again.

It has been this way now for over 3 weeks! The last nanny put Shelby in an unsafe situation, I didnt have a choice! I had to fire her.

I cannot believe the nerve of the people that respond to my ad! They lie during the phone interview, or I offer them the position and they demand more money - even though the amount per week was clearly stated in the ad, during the phone interview and discussed in person! Or I offered the position to one girl who said she really wanted it and argued why she was the best candidate... two hours after she left our house I called to offer her the position and all of a sudden she is deathly ill and the ER docs are tellingher she should not be caring for a toddler!

I dont know what happened. Why is every female in Kenosha County 18-19 years old and have children! Almost everyone who answers the ad has children and are very young. It scares the hell out of me to think that Shelby will be attending the same school district that these girls come from. Do they not teach sex ed anymore? I dont want Shelby to end up a statistic. I know - I was pregnant at 15 and it makes your life so much harder than it needs to be. Wait - I got side tracked...

So I can't hire you if you have no experience, or if you have children that have to come with you! Its a liability issue.

So here we are, I had hoped to have hired someone and started training tomorrow and I have no one. We've been to daycare centers, inhome daycares and worked on getting one in our home. NOTHING! What am Isupposed to do?

So I stress all day and night about the situation. I am not focusing on ME which is why I had 4 weeks off from work post op to begin with. It was supposed to be time for me to learn about my new life style, come up with a plan and get organized, spent Tina time relaxing and recouperating, researching and stuff. But that hasn't happened and now I find myself taking short cuts, buying prepared food instead of fresh, not eating or eating with too little time between, not timing before and after liquids, cheating... Why the heck did I put myself through this if I am not going to take it seriously!?! When do I have the time to take it seriously?

I have lost my ambition, my inspiration... I resent my hubby that he has time to work on his models. I resent Shelby that I have to take care of her all day and she wont take a long enough nap for me to get much of anything done. I resent my work for beign supportive of me and giving me excellent benefits (STD and health insurance) but then making me go back.

I told DH today what I was thinking, how upset I was and cried hysterically about how worried I am about this childcare situation. He asked what he can do to help. But he already takes over when he gets home to allow me time, but it gets sucked up with childcare. He washes the bottles and sippy cups and components, he cleans and picks up the family room at the end of the day, he brings me water to sip sip sip. What else can he do? What is it I expect?

Where is a hole when you need one? When do I get to be taken care of?

Why am I being so unreasonable? Im an adult with responsibilities. Why am Iacting like a child?

[BOOTS]

WOW GOOFCHICK

YOUR IN A HARD AND STRESSFUL SITUATION. THIS WAS A CONVERSATION MY HUSBAND AND I HAD BEFORE I HAD MY DAUGHTER. THERE WAS NO WAY I CAN TRUST ANYONE ENOUGH (unless its family or a good friend) TO CARE FOR OUR DAUGHTER LIKE I WOULD. I HAVE HEARD TO MANY BAD STORIES FROM PEOPLE. SO WE DECIDED I WOULD BE A STAY AT HOME MOM. ONCE SHE IS IN SCHOOL FULL TIME I WILL WORK PART TIME, BUT I STILL WANT TO BE HOME FOR WHEN SHE GETS OFF THE SCHOOL BUS.

I FEEL FOR YOU AND KNOW HOW HARD THIS CAN BE ESPECIALLY AT THIS TIME OF YOUR LIFE. I WISH I COULD GIVE YOU SOME ADVICE ON THIS BUT THIS IS A REAL TUFF SITUATION. ONE THING I CAN TELL YOU, YOUR NOT ACTING LIKE A CHILD YOU HAVE ALL RIGHT TO VENT. THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS AND STRESSFUL SITUATION ABOUT THE CHILDCARE AND YOUR RECOVERY. I ALSO WOULDNT RUSH THE CHILDCARE SITUATION BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO GO TO WORK SOON. I KNOW IT COULD GET YOU IN TROUBLE AT WORK BUT YOUR DAUGHTER IS WAY MORE IMPORTANT EVEN IF IT MEANS YOU COLLECT UNEMPLOYMENT WHILE YOU KEEP INTERVIEWING FOR CHILDCARE AND FOR AN OTHER JOB.

[goofchick]

Unfortunately, my NOT returning to work isn't an option. I am the bread winner, all the health, dental, vision insurance is through me. All the bills get paid automatically out of my check.

If it comes down to it, GOD I HOPE AND PRAY NOT, hubby will have to quit and stay home until a suitable arrangement has been found.

Thanks for taking the time to read my venting. I appreciate you being here to listen and I know you understand where I am coming from.

[Kenyar]

i know this sounds kind of flakey but, everything will come together in the final hour. be it you finding a caregiver, or making alternate arrangements, everything will work out.

[bren]

I wish you the best of luck.. I know I had the luxury of staying home when mine were little and appreciate it so much!

[DocSanae]

Everything that happens have a meaning,
Tough as it may be right now, trust yourself, and whomever you trust, that something will come through that you will feel safe with.
Hang in there, (((((((HUGS)))))))