[Kenyar]

I admit to being emotional. FINE! You win! I am REALLY struggling with this. I honestly dont think psych can help me. I'm not just saying that because I dont want to go or because my shrink is a wierdo, I really think I myself need to do some soul searching. This isnt anything that anyone can give me the answer to outright. It's not something that someone can just tell me and it will magically just be.

I dont get how some people can just role with the punches so to speak. I wish I was that way. Instead of letting every little thing get to me, and crying over nonsense, or holding grudges for years...i have a definite problem with letting go. ok so now that i know that what do i do with it?

We know I have had a harder time dealing with the emotional stuff than the mechanics of WLS itself. I am just wondering when it is I will find myself? I look thru pictures. And I literally say who the hell is that? LOL. I mean yes, I know its me, but who exactly am I? I am 30 years old and haven't a clue as to who I am. And ontop of that the physical me changes daily. What's funny is, I complain that I havent met anyone or settled down as of yet. That's IMPOSSIBLE to do unless you know who you are and are secure in yourself. So I guess my question is....how do I find me? Sounds stupid right?

What's worse is that everything that I had in place prior to WLS is no more. I dont have a boyfriend anymore. I never talk about him because I couldnt really come to grips with why we broke up. (not my daughters father). My friends are dropping like flies, I knew it was going to happen but for some reason I still wasnt ready. Of course I hate my job, which only recently surfaced. And lets not even discuss the financial situation Anything that kept life "normal" for me is gone. I'm really struggling to keep my head above water. But as you all know I dont swim LOL! (joke) but seriously....

I guess I am just venting. I dont expect anyone to feel the same way or to even understand. My life has been a mess for quite some time and I think it's finally catching up to me. I really thought this would be the "thing" that got me on track. But it seems times are even tougher. no clue what to do or even where to start. I could start fresh of course by moving somewhere new etc, but on the flip side, I see that as running away.

Am I the only adult in the world that is just as disorganized and irresponsible as they were as a teen? Heck I think I am worse off now than when I was a teen...Am I alone in the way I think? You can be honest and tell me lol. I wont cry or anything

I just kind of feel like I am forced to deal with things head on now as opposed to leaving it for later. I feel a little trapped. It might be coincidence or bad timing....who knows....


HAHAHAAA thanks for listening.

[beckamarie]

Kenya I totaly get what you are saying. Hell I am 35 years old and I have no identity other then being Will's wife and Ellisha, Bubba and Sam's mom. I have no idea who I am other then that. I am having such a hard time with my decsion to move back to Texas because I was a person I was me back then...the me back then was a fun loving, crazy, happy person. I am scared that if I go home and find ME again without Will around it might be the end of our marraige. I mean I dont plan on going wild or crazy or anything like that but I am afraid that if I find MYSELF...will I still want to be what I am now...ok so I am as confused as you Kenya...2 peas in a pod I tell ya.

[Kenyar]

great! then im not alone. i mean...you know what i mean lol!

[BOOTS]

Kenya

Maybe That Why We Always Had Weight Problems. Like Becka Said Im A Wife And A Mother But Who Am I. What Do I Like? I Cant Even Find Things I Enjoy, Like Hobbies Or What Ever. Or If I Go Back To Work When My Daughter Gets Older What Do I Want To Do? Do I Want To The Same Thing I Was Doing Before? I Never Knew What I Wanted In Life Or What I Enjoyed Or Who The Hell Am I? My Dh Makes Fun Of Me Cause I Cant Even Make Up My Mind When Order Food At A Restaurant. I Have Been Trying To Find Myself For Years And Still Dont Know How To Go About It. I Feel Like I Dont Know Who I Am And Still Havent Met Her. Will I Ever Meet Her? And How?

This Also Why I Have Made Alot Of Wrong Choices In My Life From Teenage Years To Adulthood.

Have You Spoke About This Subject At Therapy? You Know Somtimes It Takes Months Or Years Of Therapy To Find Yourself. The Key To Therapy Is To Be Open, Never Hid Anything, Never! Otherwise It Wont Work, And Just Say Whats On Your Mind Or What You Need. I Say Stick With It A Bit Longer Or Try A New Therapist After A Couple More Sessions With This One. You Have To Like Who You Go To.

[beckamarie]

I totaly know what you mean. Its so funny how we think that this WLS is going to help us get our life together and in reality it makes us re-evaluate who we are, and if we even know who we are, It makes us wake up and realize why we are "fat" I agree with you I am not sure therapy will help us find who we are...anyways you arent alone

[BOOTS]

Yeah That I What I Thought. That Wls Would Be The Key But Its Not. But It Can Help A Little And Def Make You Think

[Kenyar]

i mean dont get me wrong. therapy helps millions i am sure. but i dont think this is something he can fix for me. you have to bring something to therapy in order to get an unbiased opinion or guidance. i dont have anything to bring lol! Im not depressed. Im not unable to function in day to day life. I just dont know who i am and i truly believe in my heart that talking to this man, or rather listening to him talk about his other patients, isnt really helping me in this particular area of my life. i could be wrong, but i dont know.

Im kind of afraid i think. that maybe im not who i thought i was?? and maybe i dont want the things i have force fed myself my entire life. just like with this. i could have told you i would die to get to 150. all my life 150 was the goal. but why? thats not even what i want really LOL. i have no idea what the heck i am doing. what my goals are, what i am working for. its bigger than just losing weight. great. that's just great

[Ladyhawk]

Well guys, let me join in here..... I am 52 and when my husband passed away three years ago, I definetly didn't know who I was any more. I had been married for 29 years and 11 months. I have spent the last 3 1/2 years trying to figure out who I am. I was never a girly girl, but I have become one....LOL I even have pink sheets with a ruffle on my bed...LOL. I think in life we are all constantly changing. Every decision and event that happens to us changes us. I can't make decisions. I waver back and forth and second guess myself. The psych said that was a sign of depression. I am not sure I agree, I think I am still trying to figure out who I am and what I really want.

So, Kenya you are definetly not alone. As for friends, I had 3 ladies I worked with that I was very close with and then last year they all took an early retirement and left me. It has been very hard. We try to get together every now and then, but life just gets in the way.

[BOOTS]

But You Do Have Somthing To Bring To Therapy. Finding Yourself, Hun You Dont Have To Be Depressed Or Cant Function To Go To Therapy. Not At All! Also He Shouldnt Be Talking About His Other Patiens With You. Why Dont You Find An Other Therapist, Maybe A Female. Trust Me Somtimes I Feel I Need To Go Back And Im Not Depress Or Cant Function I Just Need To Get My Feelings Out And Do A Lot Of Searching To Find The Answer. Find An Other Therapist Dont Give Up On This Yet. Really. They Are Not Only For Depressed People Lol Especially Now You Need To Talk To Someone Because You Dont Have Much Support In You Life Right Now. So I Still Think This Would Be A Good Thing.

[genmel]

I don't know about you all, but I think we have to reinvent who we are a lot in life. Being a Christian as an adult is so different from when I was small. Being a mom is so different from what I thought it would be. Having a best friend is totally different now. Think about it, in high school you probably talked to your best friend every day. Now? I am lucky to talk once a month to my oldest best friend. Becoming healthy is another chapter in our lives. For too many people, I was the fat friend or the person you could count on to cook anything and eat anything. Kenya, I don't know if any of this helps you, but just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I really think this WLS is life-changing on so many levels. Send me your addy so I can mail you this great book, girl!