[poopoo]

Originally Posted by poopoo

Kenya
I know how hard it is , i am a single mother of a ten year old daughter . i haven't been with her father for 7 yrs now and i love my daughter to death and wouldn't give anything in the world for her .my main concern during this time for me is please god don't take me from her .we are so close and her father is there when he wants to be which isn't often sometime i want to stop the world and take a break get myself together finish school and fix everything thats not right for us and then go back and get her and continue on
i said all of that to say this there is nothing wrong with your sister offering you a break that does'nt make you less of a mother or a women if you take her up on her offer you can always get her back sooner like everyone else says . last year my daughters grandmother who lives in pittsburgh stepped up and said you know what i was a single mother and i know how hard it is during her trimister breaks i would be more than glad for her to come here for the month . it was hard at first but when she called and would tell me how she was having a ball there with g ma i felt like it was a better idea than i originally thought because they had time to know each other now she looks forward to it and so do i because then i can get myself and our lifes together .
So as long as youhave trust in your sister and god think about it and do only what you think is best for you both . you know sometime god does things in mysterious ways that you don't know why at the time but you'll know later good luck to you and your decision because i definitely know how you feel and i would do it you both will be ok
do you know how many single parents wish someeone could or would give them a small break just to clear there head? trust me it would even save some kids lives if someone would step up and say the magic words ok this book is finished and copywritten

Kenya
I know your probably saying not her again but once i replied to you i went back and read everyones replies and maybe you can go stay with her for a few days at first just to get her use to not being home with you

[Kenyar]

LOL. no not at all. i welcome the opinions everyone has offered. it sounds like a good idea. thanks!

[clancythecamper]

Okay, so Im totally not in the position you are in, but here's my two cents. My hubby and I were living in another state 12 hours away when my son was born. I had family there but I couldnt count on them. Now, dad was in the picture so I wasnt alone, but here's my point -- I needed help! Raising a child is so important. I really felt that I needed extended family around me - permanently. In our case, we chose to move to our current town where there are people I can count on to be there whether to keep them for a day or take them on vacation or whatever. I truly believe it really does take a community to raise kids. Having said all this, have you considered moving closer to your sister? Are they stable enough that if you moved there they wouldnt be moving away (like are they military or anything?) Are there opportunities for you in their area as far as jobs, education? It may be a thought because not only could she start adjusting while you "take 5" but you would then have family around so that you didn't get that "me against the world" feeling. I wish you well in your decision, I agree that the timing b4 she gets into grade school is probably best.

[Kenyar]

to be honest ( and this is not a dig against the south for those of you who live there...) moving there would be a financial disaster for me. yes i know money isnt everything, but its pretty important when there is only one income coming in. and my sister live in camden, sc of all places. i could not quite my job to move there and make 6.00/ hour if im lucky lol! i still have not decided. i do believe kayla will most probably go for the summer though. i dont feel as much of a sense of urgency when i first posted this. for some reason things seem to have settled down. we'll see though.

as always i value everyones input. thanks

[clancythecamper]

That's why I asked that question coz I lived in NC for 5 years and it was pathetic there - when your best career opportunity is wally world you know it's not good. It was just a thought -- I spent 6 weeks with my grandparents once and it was totally awesome for me - have no idea why my parents sent me, I thought it was cool. Just know we have the utmost respect for you and know you'll make the right decision. Our kids learn from us (for better or worse, LOL) and when you and Kayla are talking 20 years from now she's liable to say that she remembers tough times and how much she admired you and the way you handled things. Personally, my kids will tell you their mother is just plain goofy but they actually seem to be ok with it. I'm no mother of the year and sometimes I burn the cookies (dinner will be ready when the smoke alarm goes off) but, hey, that's life. Have a good week!

[Kenyar]

you put a smile on my face. thank you

[MsVickie]

Sleep on this one sweetie, mabye more than one night. I was a single mom to for 20 years until I married Mike. Yes things are hard. Dam hard. The one that will be affected most by your decision is your daughter. You can handle it until you need her again. She one the other hand may not have that luxury. She is at such a vunerable age. 5? A vacation to your sisters probally is a good idea, but for that length of time im personally afraid she wont understand it. Not a full 6 months. Perhaps a couple of weeks or a month.

I understand that you dont have family close to you to help. This is a draw back to moving so far away. I was lucky with Brian. Family would offer to take him for the night to give me a break but I always longed for him to come home the next day. I remember him going with my brother and sisnlaw for vacation for 4 days each summer. The first night was great then I would worry and long for him to be home so I could just touch him. This is when he was 5. The years didnt make it no better. Then came summer camp. Lord I was a mess. The only year I really liked him being gone was the summer he was going to be a senior when he went back to school. LOL he had been such a terror to me I was glad for the break. He had been away at football camp. I moved during that time and put up a tent in the front yard. When got home that day he asked why a tent was up. I told him that was his new home. The other was mine. LOL He didnt like it very well. LOL. I was joking of course but it was a grand idea I thought.

Sure it gets lonely being a single parent. I have been there and did that. Time will come again for the fun things in life. You will be suprised how many of them will include your daughter. I understand the financial side of things to. I remember thinking when he was little dam I get the same amount every week on my check and the bills get bigger. What can I do to raise it. I remember looking at the health insurance on my paycheck and seeing that 20 bucks a month just going to nothing. We were both healthy and never used it. For a fleeting moment I thought about dropping it. A month later he was in the hosptial with some type of virus that kept him in there for 7 days. Thank god I didnt drop it. It was hard enough to pay what was left over much less an entire bill. Lordy I could go on forever with this.

Have you thought about moving back close to home? A new start? Family close to help you? Close enough for help but far enough not to be bothered all the time? Sleep on this please.

[Kenyar]

well lol msvickie i am home. we are all from up here LOL! they all moved down one by one first my mom to be near my grandmother, who is now dead 2 years. then my sister followed shortly after. im the only one left up here. i know it is immportant to have family close by, but family willnot be able to afford my bills. to pick up and move somwehere where if im lucky i could make 1/4 what i make now, will put me in a bad way financially.

i do not think i would send her for 6 months. she and i have never even spent a night apart much less 6 months. but she will be spending some time down south next summer for sure. for now this is all just a thought. i cannot even imagine doing thi for funs sake. i just wanted time to think things thru, find a new course of action, maybe take a clas sor two and finish up my degree...not for fun at all. lol! but now im leaning towards a few weeks next summer. things are much better than they were when i posted this. i have no clue why. they just are.

[Msdjones65]

Remember the old adage "it takes a village to raise a child". Perhaps she is your village. You will be a better parent if you're a less stressed parent. Take this with a grain of salt because I don't have children. I take my neices/nephews/grandchildren all the time.