[DocSanae]

Okay folks, enough's been said, Kenya seems to be in a good place, so what about getting back to the original program, as I'm sure her Qs and musings in the first post are very important to you all.

BTW, Kenya, love your new pic with bangs. Cute.

[emilysventure]

Because Doc had mentioned getting back to the original question I just have to say this ONE thing I have not been on here much for about 2 weeks but pop on every day or so to try and catch the good info. This post about Kenya made me cry.....I am very sad and actually quite upset that someone could be soo harsh. I do agree with everyone's comment 100% but wont repeat because my comment would be the same as all of the positive posts about Kenya Anyways with that being said and because it is over - I just know I need to start posting again and getting back into this forum. Everyone here has taught me soo much so far! I am 4 weeks out and come here when I am lost for words or just need a boost a question answered or a quick laugh because someone is always saying something to make me giggle or smile. Thank you all for being my support - I cant imagine doing this surgery without you guys! The support is UNBELIEVABLE!!! Thank you thank you

[Kenyar]

thanks doc. and again everyone i appreciate your support. this board is as good as we all make it. so let's keep on makin it good

[tyraine]

Okay I am just reading this and I know I am late but I am really pissed off. Whoever this person that said this crap about Kenya has some serious issues of her own that she needs to solve. I am pissed that you Bonnie is the same race as Kenya and I. How dare you say some bs like that to her. If you don't like what she is saying don't read it. No one is forcing you too. Also, I have read that crap you sent to Jerry. What has he done to you. We have males and females on this sight. Honey you really need to get over yourself.

[DocSanae]

I asked you all to to move on, and if you are going to post in this thread, please post in line with the first post that Kenyar put up.

Please, do not get waylaid by the particular post that has gotten on the nerves of everybody. It isn't going to serve any purpose, and I am sure you all understand that starting up an argument will pull you down to where the person is, not pull yourself up to where you want to be.
We have dealt with the poster per the rules set up here, and if you notice anything else that is off, please notify and let the administrators of this board deal with the offenses.

We have kept this thread open so far, because the first post is something you all are dealing with now, or have dealt with in the past, or, if you are lucky enough not to have dealt with up to now may find yourself dealing with in the future. If we get any further extra noises, we are going to have to close and delte this thread.

So, here is the original post of this thread. Will you all please post whatever thoughts you have in reference to this quoted post.
Thank you.

Originally Posted by Kenyar

when?
when will i see me the way you see me?
when is enough enough?
when will i get the fact that a size 8 does not equal a size 22/24?
when will i hold myself in high reguard and begin to know and feel that YES, i am worthy?
when will i get that i cannot eat like i used to? (lol i still try sometimes )

when does it change from "this" to just living?
when?


im not sad, or depressed or anything. i just stare off into the distance and wonder sometimes. what will life be like 5, 10, or even 20 years from now. anybody else ever think about that in terms of post op life?

[Kat]

sometimes it feels like getting caught in an ocean wave.fight and go down with a rip tide or let the wave take you and once your head is above water swim parallel to the shore till you can get back to solid ground

[judy]

For me I will get there when I can learn to accept myself for who I am right now - not a size, not a behavior , not what I feel I should be. Right now Right here where I am is the time for me to say I am somebody and this somebody is perfect in the eyes of God and my job is to see it as God sees it: perfect whole and complete.

Judy

[Kenyar]

i like that point of view judy it makes sense. i wish i thought of it!

[FemmeMode]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kenyar
when?
when will i see me the way you see me?
when is enough enough?
when will i get the fact that a size 8 does not equal a size 22/24?
when will i hold myself in high reguard and begin to know and feel that YES, i am worthy?
when will i get that i cannot eat like i used to? (lol i still try sometimes )

when does it change from "this" to just living?
when?


im not sad, or depressed or anything. i just stare off into the distance and wonder sometimes. what will life be like 5, 10, or even 20 years from now. anybody else ever think about that in terms of post op life?

This time around is more difficult 'mentally' than the last time..... (ie.- from 1996-1998 I lost 120#'s doing Weight Watchers & Jazzercise.)

When I lost the weight (the first time)....I felt fantastic at 180#'s....and didn't feel "FAT"...or have strange thoughts, quandaries, concerns - I was confident that I'd NEVER go back to weigh 298#'s. I really enjoyed my body, in and out of clothing!
It wasn't long after I hit the 180's that I felt comfortable with myself...at which time - I became lackdaisical with my eating...and stopped going to workout on a regular basis. Shortly (within 8mos.) I re-gained 15#'s...and then the next 18mos. I gained another 30#'s. After that...I was married....and it all crept back w/ and additional 35#'s. whew!!
_____________________________________

This time around has different 'mental challenges'....I'm not even sure of why...and STILL trying to figure out "WHY??"
Possibly b/c I'm older...less elasticity in my skin - so I'm not pleased with my body with no clothes on. (More pleased WITH. ) Also, I've had my 'bubble burst!' - thinking I'd never gain it back - but this time knowing that if I'm not careful...I WILL GAIN IT BACK + MORE!

All of that may be why I think it's been an imperative part of my journey - to be authentic with my 'inner-self'. If I didn't work on the inside...and what were some 'key' thoughts for and about my journey...I wonder if I'd be more obsessed with my body...my workouts...Like I was before?? I don't know honestly.

WHAT I DO KNOW:

• Both journeys were a challenge... (in their own right.)
• Both took some MAJOR self control and achievement.
• Both allowed me to lose over 100#'s...
• Last time I was obsessed with 'diet', 'fat-free', eating, and staying away from 'bad food!'
• Last time I was obsessed with 'exercise'....and when I had burn-out it was difficult to get RE-Motivated, and rejoin a work out program.
• Last time I didn't go deep enough on the 'inner work' - identifying different triggers and causes for being obese in the first place.
• This time I started off my journey slowly...
• This time I started off my journey with an open mind...& willingness to go to the tough alcoves of my 'inner caverns'
• This time I eat ALL things in moderation. Not swearing off any food...or labeling any food taboo (unless of course it causes me a major REFUND - yuck!)
• This time I exercise moderately...regularly. (forced b/c of living in NYC - and not having a car...although I'm about to join a gym in hopes that I'll begin losing the last 24#'s)

______________________________________

So....
when you say,

"when?
when will i see me the way you see me?
when is enough enough?
when will i get the fact that a size 8 does not equal a size 22/24?
when will i hold myself in high reguard and begin to know and feel that YES, i am worthy?
when will i get that i cannot eat like i used to?"

I personally often wonder "WHY?"
WHY is this time different?
WHY will I defy the odds?
WHY will I reach goal?
WHY do I feel confident whether I'm 300+#'s or 170's??

Whether it's "WHEN" or "WHY"....I think it's important to wonder...contemplate...whatever it takes for you to be authentic with yourself & others.

I may not think of all the exact same questions...but I do know that my thinking isn't the same as someone who hasn't struggled with food...struggled with weight....struggled with exercise...or struggled with thoughts & feelings!

Kenya...thanks for your authenticity....you inspired me to think ...and explore deeper!
You're a inspiration! Even to those of us who are further along in our journey.