[Kenyar]

i think this has been a HUGE learning experience. i have learned about my body; what it looks like, what it needs, how it responds to things. and that was expected. i expected to learn how to eat and what to eat; how to move etc. what i never expected was what i would learn about me and my head and how i view myself; what i am worth; ive learned SO MUCH about me the person. some of you have been following my blogs on myspace so you know how i have grown in these few short months. you have seen what all has been going on in my personal life, and commented with support and i appreciate that so much. it is great to have friends who understand that this (WLS) is so much more to deal with ontop of the rest that life can bring.

but i have learned that fat or "skinny" i am worth "it". I can do better than i have had previously in all areas of my life: relationships, career, personal goals etc. i should not settle for anything that i am not comfortable with; and when im done with a situation thats it. i think for those of us who were/ are emotional eaters; letting go in general is a HUGE issue. but i have decided that in one area at a time in my life, i will do just that- LET GO.

i believe i ate because deep down inside i did not ever feel loved by anyone in my life. my dad divorced my mom shortly after i was born and to this day we do not have a relationship at all. i have not spoken to him in YEARS; or his side of the family. i only speak to one sister at the moment. my mother NEVER touched us when we were little. so if you can imagine being a child and never physically feeling loved via hugs, kisses, being tucked in etc, then that's what my childhood was like. couple that with my adult life (single parent; daughters father who is not in the home etc) there is a cycle in my life; people always leave, but food was always there. it never talked back. it was there all hours of the night; whenever i needed it. lol. i say all of this to say, having this surgery literally FORCED me to sever the unhealthy relationship that i had with food and build a new one. drastic - yes, but none the less, it needed to happen.

and so here we are, almost at the finish line in terms of numbers. i feel ike i have already succeeded. i am working on self love; viewing myself in a realistic way, not settling for anything thats not worth it, and for once in my life I AM HAPPY i can say that with confidence. I AM HAPPY. i love life. i love ME. im ok with my new body. im ok with food being something i need for different reasons. and i am done with anything that has no benefit to me or my child. period.

i know this was long, but i like to share my revelations with you all as you are the only family ive got. i say all of this because i think i am done. im fine where i am healthwise. anything else lost at this point would be a bonus.

good luck on your own personal journeys. i hope you all come to realize and accept things about yourselves and your lives that you never noticed or thought of before. that's the best part!

i love you all and thank you all for sticking by me thru all of my threads. you will never know how much it al meant to me

PS for those of you wondering about my skin here is a pic (orange shirt)without it tucked in. look along the belly line and you will see the flab....and im ok with it. it's not as bad as it could be. it's all in what you wear. clothes and undergarments will be your best friend. choose wisely the outfit with the black shirt is with it tucked in just for comparison.

Attachment 807 Attachment 808



yesss the darn boxes are STILL there

[traciflud]

Thanks for sharing this with us, I have to say that I know all to well about not having family, when people ask me about mine I just say "I was raised by wolves" LOL. I am glad you can see where things were not right in your upbringing and change that in the bringing up of your daughter, we can either repeat the past or learn from it and change our lives for the better. I joined this group because my surgeon said I had to find a support group, but never did I think I would have such a blessing in getting to know everyone here. I felt I could connect to you, Kenya, right away and I have always found inspiration from you. I have so much more to lose, but I am confident that it will happen if I stay connected to my WLS family!

[A new me]

Wow kenya. Very nicely put I would say. This journey defintely makes us stop and think about things and you have come to terms with stuff in your life. I praise you for that. And we are your family here. You are such a huge supporter of so many of us. Look what you have done for me and so many others. I do apprecaite it. Your one of the biggest cheerleaders on here.

[Trulykath]

well said...well planned, and I love your perspective on things!!

[TGG]

Loving yourself is so important - glad that your HAPPY. Where's the flab you mention we would see in your pictures???? You look amazing, hot, scrumdilious.

[qt82699]

your perception on things is great, you are such an inspiration to all of us and you look great!

[Kenyar]

thanks. everyone has been so great. we are all so good to eachother and just think, we've never met. if only people were this kind to eachother in "real life" the world would be a much better place

[Kenyar]

Attachment 811

ok, i think this one is better. you can see it here. see the roll?? lol! its not huge but its there.

[DocSanae]

(((((HUGS)))))
You've done, and are doing good, real good!!
This surgery is self-revelation in many ways, not just physical change.
That's why it's a journey, and a journey that will last as long as you are alive. You see, life's journey is for, well, life.

[courtneey]

Awwww Kenya, your post truly brought tears to my eyes. You are such a doll. You are proof that you can change the cycle of parenting. Your daughter is so lucky to have you. I too had a very different childhood than I am giving my children. So while my mother was physically and emotionally abusive. I have her to thank for teaching me what kind of parent I was NOT going to be. The benefit of this is that my boys are hugged and kissed every day and told that I love them several times daily. Even my 22 and 23 year old kiss me oin the cheek every time they leave. So while sometimes our own childhood is tough, it makes for a better life for our own. And hey, I will be your sister, I would love to have more than one!~!

By the way, that ain't no roll. when I get time to figure out my camera, I will show you a roll!! LOL