[Lilly]

I have not been the most consistent member here on RR; I floated in and out and would read some posts from time to time, occasionally posting myself. I mostly checked on people's progress, the before and after photos. Well it’s almost been a year since I have been on here... I slipped off the radar just after I cancelled a surgery date on Aug 16 2007. I had cancelled it for every reason you could imagine... I didn't want bypass, I didn't like my surgeon, I didn't like the travel time (3.5 hrs) to see my surgeon, my mother didn't support the surgery, I didn't want to alter my digestive track, I can lose the weight on my own... blah blah blah!!! It all added up to - I wasn’t' ready...
So with that said I decided to look at other options, other surgeries, other WL programs and have gone full circle ending up right back where I started - Gastric Bypass.
I got a new surgeon WAY closer to home (20 min) and what I thought was a new outlook on the procedure. I figured I was safe, no worries, my insurance paperwork was submitted and it was out of my hands. Well on Wednesday I got a phone call that I had not only been approved for a consultation with the new surgeon but I had been approved for surgery... ALREADY APPROVED???? Are you kidding me.... this would make most so happy but guess what... I'm starting to freak out again, I’m getting the panic, I am talking myself right out of it again, I’m starting to think I will never be able to enjoy eating again, what if something goes wrong... and the list goes on. I’m scared that I’m going to be that person who says..." hey do you want to split a shrimp with me?" which isn't so bad when you think about it because I used to ask "hey do you want to split a large pizza with me" (nervous lol)
I know it's natural for people to be scared and it's a life changing experience, a life changing experience for the better
but is it normal to be THIS scared?? I know I am ready to change and I know I need to do something and now... I have gained 25lbs since last year. Mentally my weight is taking its toll, and physically well I was recently diagnosed with sleep apnea and GERD's among other things.
So what do I do now?? Is this just nerves or am I still not ready to do this... sometimes I think that if I were really ready to lose the weight that I should be able to do it with out surgery..... but it's obvious I need an extra tool to help with the weight loss and that even with the surgery I still have to do it on my own, eat right, exercise, and keep up with my supplements and water intake. The surgery will be an extra little boost to help me along the way....
I know that it's up to me and no one can make the decision for me...
I just didn't expect to feel like this again....
any thoughts... or suggestions??
thanks for listening

[minnesotashopper2]

Hi,
I see you go from YES I want and need this surgery, to the BUT....

You need to really think this through, maybe it is happening to fast for you, and your feeling like I have plenty of time to wait probably. Congrats on being approved so fast, probably due to you already had a surgery date, and now a year later, you have gained some more weight, plus some medical problems, that aren't gonna go away on their own. You need to lose weight. Thats the answer! Ok, now how are you gonna do it??? That is also the answer, only YOU can make.
If may still be awhile before a date becomes available. I think that it went rather shocking fast for you, and now yes, its ok, to be nervous, yet more excited nervous is better.
Surgery isn't for everyone. Some can do it on their own. But as I wrote to someone the other day, there is over a 99% chance of regaining the weight thru alternate weight loss programs, where those who have weight loss surgery, have over a 95-98% success in keeping the weight OFF! As I said before, I am not a gambler, but I can see the luck being on my side. I have been on the other side of trying to lose, only to regain it back, and more again. We all have, otherwise we wouldn't of been approved for weight loss surgery. Most patients have to have a long list of previous diets that they have been on, and show that they have tried alternate ways, without long term success. That is why they say weight loss surgery is a last resort.
How does that sound to you??? Do you feel like you have been thru alot, and right now you may not be ready mentally for the challenge? There is no turning back once you have the surgery, its not like you can say, well next week I will go back on this or that weight loss plan. You can't make up any excuses afterwards. Your body will lose the weight, pretty effortlessly, the first 12-18 months postop.
Is it the easy way out? NO! NO! NO! But do those who have had the surgery regret it and wish they never ever did it??? Most say, they would do it again in a heartbeat, and wish they did it when they were even younger.

I am not trying to talk you into anything. Slow down, you have alot going on fast here. I suggest writing/blogging to yourself, why you wanted the surgery in the first place, the whys you cancelled last year, and why now you are wanting it ? Between narrowing down the nerves of surgery, the what if I dont make it what if I fail, believe me no one goes out to fail, but after you dont feel the ultimate high, of feeling younger, and all the benefits of losing the weight are, then you could regain weight at some point way down the road. It is very hard to sabbotage this after the surgery, especially the first 12-18 months, We call it the honeymoon phase, as you lose weight, start to feel so wonderful, with all the new things you can do again in your life, and the weight came off rather easy.
I had no idea that at 9 years postop, where I would be. I was scared that I would be the one to NOT lose a pound. Yet being around uplifting people tends to uplift others. That is why you like to see the before/afters to see that yes, you can do it. But you will need to make that nerves to excitement nerves of how your life will be so much better, if you work the plan.

Come up with a list of things that you wish you could do right now, if you were not morbidly obese.
I know that there is hundreds of individual reasons how weight loss surgery has been the best thing others have done in their life. And I will be happy to write them to you, personnally if you want. From bending down, to walking without huffing, especially upstairs, to be able to get down on the ground with little ones, Tie their own shoes, not have to wear an extension belt on an airplane. All have those WOW moments we call them, look in previous posts on the many WOWs that others have written.

If you are hesitant, you need to figure out the whys first. For some its not knowing enough, and they are really scared. I know of preops that go thru their wills, and are scared of not coming out of surgery alive. I didn't have that, as I have had previous surgeries, so it didn't even cross my mind that might happen. That little less then 1 % sure is something to think of but its alot more safer to have future surgeries after weight loss, then to be over 300 lbs and have a routine surgery done.

Are you a gambler, I am not, but I felt that I was truly an addictive gambler with my future, being over 300 lbs. myself.
Slow down, and remember you are in a safe zone here. Ask questions, and probably go see a counselor, they will tell you if you are mentally capable of handling surgery, and the postop life.
The what should you do next I feel is a couple things.. First take slow breaths and slow down. Make that list I mentioned of the whys that are in your mind. Make an appointment and talk to the surgeon, they will not do surgery on someone that has too many concerns of what ifs? They will want you to wait, as they want the best outcome for you, to be a success.
Having weight loss surgery gave me a life extension. As well as others on here.
Please write more, dont shy away from the group here. We all have walked in the same shoes at some point, before we said yes, this is my only solution.
Good luck, and welcome back to the group,

[DocSanae]

Hey, Erin, welcome back, glad to see you back!!
Yes, this is a scary decision to make, and yes, the roller coaster emotions are quite normal.
Is there something different in your way of thinking since last year? If so, then you probably are ready evern though you flip-flop. If everything is the same, then you may not yet be ready.
((((((HUGS))))) Whichever way you decide, whatever you decide, you are the only one who can decide for YOU.

[MsVickie]

I have wondered where you went. I know you have struggled with this. And guess what........its ok! Yep its ok. Nerves? oh lord yes honey I had them bad but I hide them so well. LOL. I hid mine from myself I think. LOL on the splitting the shrimp part. Honey you wont have to share your shrimp. LOL. You can eat the whole thing yourself when your able to do so. Your so funny. LOL.

Listen.......... i wasnt exactly happy about giving up my food either. I went back and forth on the issue myself for 5 years. During that time I shot up to 363 lbs. I simply felt bad. I found myself just sitting on the side at family functions watching like I used to see my mother do. I would go sit down and then get up to leave. Sure I eat the whole time but I did nothing else. After your allowed to start eating and chewing food again honey its a new world. The taste the satisfaction of being full instead of gorging. Did I mention the taste of food? You will notice when you eat really good food how good it taste instead of swallowing it for your next bite to go down. And...... you will notice how bad somthing really taste to and how in the world you ever eat it to begin with. That is my experice with it anyways.

This surgery now has gotten so much better than it was even 5-7 years ago. They have learned so much and the surgeons share there experices with each other and help each other along. Ever wonder why when you call your own PCPs office somtimes why they are out of the office so much? Alot of them take classes or go to seminars to learn more about the ever changing world of medicine. I was out of work for 6 months and I was even amazed at the changes that have taken place in just 6 months. That is why the New England Journal of Medicine is like almost a bible to them. They learn so much new stuff or safer ways to do somthing.

In the end this will have to be your choice. Only your choice. Make that final decision based on you.

[ilovemykids]

Erin,
I completely understand where you are coming from. I too was approved quickly. I think it was from start to finish in a month. I wanted the lap band, but after my initial consultation my doctor he had throughly explained to me why he thought I should have the RNY and how exactly he did the surgery and what to expect. He changed my mind about all my preconceived ideas about it. Then, I cancelled my first date partly because we were short on money but mainly because I was scared to change my life completely and never enjoy food again. (I have never ever admitted that to anyone.) Let me just say that I enjoy food more than ever. But in moderation and I can do it now, where before I couldn't.
Anyway, I let almost 6 months go by before I rescheduled. Looking back to my old pictures especially the ones right before my surgery, I can't believe I waited so long.
The change in my life is unbelievable. I am back to my old self. I have energy to take care of my family. I can laugh again and not hide behind other people. DH can pick me up and carry me around. I can see the bones that we are suppossed to see. I can go to the pool with my family and not feel like everyone is looking at me. I can wear a bathing suit and not be embarrassed to take off my t-shirt. I love to shop. Do you know how easy it is to find clothes that fit now? All that is just the tip of the iceberg for me.
Life is definately better now for me. If I had only known then what I know now, I would have never cancelled my original date.
Good luck in your journey.

[kimtindall]

First, congrats on getting approved so quickly. WOW, that came out of left field, didnt it? Let me say that if you are not absolutely 100% sure that this is what you want more than anything else, please reconsider it. You have a year to use your predetermination without having to requalify.
I went through some doubt when I was initially approved, but I knew that this was what I wanted...no HAD to do for me, to save my life. Have you already talked to a phsch? Maybe it wouldnt be such a bad idea if you do. This is def a life changing/altering event. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do and you will always have friends/family here with your back!

[not quite Barbie]

Erin,
I spent a year researching, then another year going through all the doctor visits and then fighting with the insurance company before I finally got approved. I was dead sure this was what I wanted to do. But when I finally got the approval and a surgury date, I got really scared. That "date" made it real and I found myself questioning everything and asking myself if I was making a major mistake. I doubted right up to the surgery date but I have no doubts now. I know it was the best thing for me.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

[ruiz4747]

Congrats on the the approval. Maybe your not ready for the surgery because this is a serious mentally, physically surgery and if you are still questioning I would not go through with it until I was prepared. Keep talking your fears out maybe this is what you need to help make a decision.

[qt82699]

welcome back!! are you sceduled to see a shrink?? maybe they can help you figure out if you are truly ready or not?? either way good luck on your decision

[clancythecamper]

Maybe this'll make you feel better ~~~ I called my surgeons office for the first time in 1999. This same surgeon did my surgery in July 2007. Have you been kicking this idea around for 8 years yet? You're probably way ahead of me - LOL! The truth is, when you're ready, you're ready. I had a set of items I had wanted to accomplish including dealing with reproductive issues, wanting a breast reduction, wanting to go back to school, getting a better paying job, WLS, etc. Then I prioritized my goals which is why I had a hysterectomy in 2006 to take care of my biggest problem. The second biggest was my WLS last year. Now I still have plenty to mark off my list, but I am moving in the right direction. Maybe sit down and write out your concerns and fears then discuss them with your surgeon at your visit. They always have to tell you the worst case scenario, but get your docs actual stats. Find out what causes possible complications if that is a concern and find out how you can be proactive in preventing them. Action and knowledge are power. It will give you the power to make the decision you need to make. Either way, we are happy to be here to support you. Wishing you the best!