[sandy13677]

Hello All,

I'm in the process of making a surgery choice of Gastric bypass or Lapband. I will meet with the surgeon again on the 8th. I wanted Lap band, but now, I'm thinking of GBP. I wanted something safe, but I believe that with the lapband, I will be able to cheat.

So, my regrets: I think about what got me to this point in my life. I think about my loneliness, my depression and my other health problems. I'm wondering, why didn't I have control; why I allow food to control my life. I think about the time I was in college( i didn't have a weight problem, all my life). I think about the many boyfriends, going out friday and saturday night. I feel like it's a distance memory. I feel like life is passing me by.

My Fears: I fear about being alone. I have for years now. When I'm depressed, I eat. I feel gulity. I want children, I want to get married, but I feel that no one would want me. That I will never find hapiness. I'm think about this surgery. i upset that I have to do this to myself. Why don't I have control? Why do I fail? it's a nice day in NY, but i'm alone. I should be out, going places, meeting with friends, but I'm not. I'm eating ice cream, right now. It makes me feel better, but only for awhile. Will this surgery work? I have a chance to have a therapist, hopefully this will help me deal with the new me after the surgery. I feel like a failure. I cry...so much. Sometimes, I want to end my life, but I don't. I need and want assistance, not a magic pill; just something to help me. Surgery??

My Hope: I hope and pray that I will be able to find the true me. I want to love myself now and after the weight. I want to get to know me better. What led me down this path. How I want to be emotionally ready for this change. Yes, I'm afraid, scared and frighten. I hope that I don't have such complications from my surgery. I pray that I'm doing the right thing.

This is a honest reflection about my thoughts. Please, give me some insight.

Sandy

[Perfesser]

Sandy, you sound pretty normal to me. Most of us questioned a lot of things about our lives as we faced this surgery. The things you regret and fear, you can find expressed throughout the old threads. Nothing unusual there.

Something that you are not factoring into your reflections is the enormous boost that this gives to your self-confidence. You've been beaten down by failure after failure after failure in trying to lose weight and gain control of your body. Once you take charge and get power over that, it's amazing how it can spill over into every other facet of your life, from relationships to employment to just plain liking the person looking back at you from the mirror.

You say that you fear no one would want you. There are some worthwhile guys out there, but how hard is it for them to penetrate the layers of protection you've put around yourself? Many here have referred to it as their "fat cocoon", a place of safety from the bumps and scrapes of the world. When you become a bubbly, vibrant woman with self-confidence and a positive outlook on the world, you'll draw the guys like flies. Some of them will probably be worth getting to know better. When you become the woman of their dreams, they'll find you.

It is possible to cheat the band. It's also possible to cheat RNY, but it takes more effort. Still, some have returned to their old habits and found all their old weight waiting for them. Do what you always did, get what you always got. The surgery is only an event. What you do with the tool it gives you will determine whether or not it was worth it.

Success is 90% mental, 10% surgical. As you go through the whole process and learn new nutritional skills and how to eat healthy, you start to make progress. This will take everything you've got to make it work. But it's worth it. It's not a diet, so all that old diet thinking has to go. It's a permanent change of lifestyle. Only those who want it so bad they're willing to reinvent themselves need apply.

Turn your regrets and fears into motivation to improve your life and focus on the goal of getting healthy. Then you'll find a new life on the other side.

Good luck! Many of us originally thought of the band and were convinced to switch to RNY. Talk it over with your surgeon and find out what is right for you. RNY was my choice. My wife saw my results and did it for herself. Neither of us has ever looked back and questioned our decisions. There's now 220 pounds less of us!!

CT

[sandy13677]

Thanks, So much on your detail insight. I remember what I used to be, and now what I have become. Not just my weight, but some of my personailty. I'm afraid about having this surgery, but I don't believe I have a choice. It's scary. But I've been thinking and researching this for 5 years. When I was diagnois with Diabetes 9 months ago, I realized that I must do something. But surgery? My stomach?

[Perfesser]

If not surgery, then how? If not now, then when? Life's full of choices. The focus is on your stomach because it's been so closely involved in many of your current concerns.

My doctor told me to lose weight or die. He didn't tell me how to do it. He did give me a sense of urgency. In my research, I found out about WLS, realized that it was the only way I had come across that stood a chance of long-term success, and the rest is in my stats.

I haven't seen too many here say that it was an easy choice, or even their first choice. This is more of a last resort, one final cry for help before resigning one's self to the doom of obesity and a short, unhealthy life.

I'm just glad I did it after so many others have paved the way through trial and error. Surgical procedures like this take a lot of refinement over a number of years, and someone else did it for me so that it would be safe when I got here. The approval process now with all the testing and nutritional counseling is designed to promote success. All you have to do is follow the simple rules for life and you're in great shape!!

CT

[roses]

I chose the bypass for many reasons I am 48 now and I want to live the rest of my life healthy and have people tell me I am pretty and not say wow you have a pretty face I do have other parts too ,but I also have had many health issues I had a stroke 4 years ago left me where I couldnt move my left arm and my left leg is numb from my top of my leg down passed my knee is still numb but I got the use of my left arm it is just alot slower than my right arm clapping and just stuff like that but I was going in to do the band but I went to a class and there were 5 ladies there that had the band they were going to do the bypass and the doc told me if I did bypass I could lose the most weight and get off my sugar meds too I have had high blood sugar and high blood pressure meds from getting my bypass I havent had to take my meds but 1 time now and I am off 1 of my blood pressure meds and soon off of all my meds I am so happy now I can tie my own shoes now without almost passing out life is what you make it smile sunshine and hey quit beating yourself up God made you and he dont make nothing but what is perfect in his sight so smile you will be okay and look you have a whole new group of family and friends here so talk to us honey we will love you though all this okay be sweet if ya need to talk just pop on line or shoot a few emails and we will answer okay be sweet God Bless.....

Rose

[DocSanae]

The most important thing you need to want to do this is for your health. Once you get your health back, you will be able to do a lot of things your weight was holding you back from. When you start being able to do things that your weight held you back from, you will start getting back some self confidence--which will lead you to step out further, and give you more confidence.

A word of warning, though. Don't focus on relationships first, you need to assert a good relationship with yourself first--if you can't like yourself, others won't be able to like you, if you can't love who you are with all your imperfections (no one is perfect) others won't be able to extend their love to you, even if they want to. Learn to respect yourself first and treat yourself with respect. Unless you can do this, others won't treat you with respect. Once you are able to like, love, and respect yourself, positive people, people who will be good to and good for you, will be finding you, and you will be finding them. And among them, there will be someone who has been waiting for you all this time. It takes time. Work on yourself first.

If you have a therapist, start working wtih the therapist now. He/she will be able to help you through the process, as well as your post op journey. You need to have your depression stable before surgery to help you through the mentally tough early post op days.

(((HUGS)))You are the only one who can decide for yourself, and if your heart is in this, you can do this.

[angelework]

We are at a similar place in our journey; I'm just completing the steps prior to insurance authorization. I will have turned 50 before I have the procedure (RNY) done. Your fears are similar to my fears...but your HOPES are also similar. I am sure we will be able to support each other as we move forward. I have only read posts prior to this one, but felt compelled to tell you that you are not alone in this!

[michele775]

I really feel where you are.
I have stuggled for years with weight, but the last 10 yrs have been brutal. I fear being alone, having the surgery ruin my insides, and not losing the weight. I have put on hold so many things in life.

There are more of US out there than I ever thought. Hang in there- and I will too!

Many hugs.

[sue4491]

Hi Sandy,

Your hesitation is a good thing because any decision will require a major lifestyle change. You can "cheat" with any of the surgeries. As Dr Terry Simpson has stated "Success with weight loss surgery is 10 percent the surgery and 90 percent the patient!"

Each procedure has its advantages. As for the lap band there is an excellent online seminar you can attend - this surgeon has done all three procedures, RNY, DS/BPD and lap band - he's decided to specialize in the lap band.

Here is the link:
Terry Simpson's online seminar

This is quite informative.

Taking your time to research to make sure that whatever you choose has no "dealbreakers" for you is a good idea! You might want to get the opinion of a gastroenterologist about the different procedures.

Good luck on your Weight loss journey!

[sandy13677]

NYU fat-loss doctor fired over alarm
By JOSEPH GOLDSTEIN
Last Updated: 7:18 AM, June 6, 2010
Posted: 3:10 AM, June 6, 2010
An NYU Medical Center doctor phoned her bosses' weight-loss surgery patients on the eve of their operations to warn them they could end up dead.
Surgical resident Neelu Pal, 40, was so spooked after a lap-band surgery patient died in 2006 that she spent the weekend anonymously phoning patients scheduled for surgery that Monday.
What she said scared the patients -- and got her fired.
Pal filed a whistleblower lawsuit against NYU, claiming she was compelled to expose her bosses, now-married weight-loss surgery pioneers Drs. George Fielding and Christine Ren-Fielding, because they weren't explaining risks or giving proper post-operative care to patients.
One patient about to have lap-band surgery -- which uses a belt to cinch the stomach -- recalled that Pal, posing as an operating-room nurse, said she "had watched many patients die from the procedure."
Pal told the patient to "think about having the surgery someplace else," according to court papers recently filed in the case, which revealed the findings of an internal investigation into the scandal at the NYU Center for Surgical Weight Loss. The center performs hundreds of bariatric procedures a year.
Another patient recalled Pal saying "there were serious quality issues with the bariatric surgery program" and being encouraged to "contact the state Department of Health."
The patients contacted by Pal are not identified in lawsuit papers in Manhattan federal court, but one is described as a top Bank of America executive.
George Fielding in March operated on New York Jets coach Rex Ryan.
Pal confessed to being the anonymous caller phoning patients after an NYU investigation fingered her, according to court documents.
Pal was suspended and fired for making the calls. Her bosses described the calls as an "attempt to scare patients into canceling their treatment" and an "egregious example of unprofessional and irresponsible behavior."
The tragic patient, Rhonda Freiberg, died after going into cardiac arrest in January 2006, just 36 hours after George Fielding and a second doctor, a plastic surgeon, operated on her.
A review by the state Department of Health found NYU failed to properly monitor her in the hours after surgery and faulted her doctors for putting Freiberg on "a regular medical floor" after "four hours of complex surgery." They did not respond to her negligible urine output, which signaled something was wrong