[Exhortergirl]

Hello I am a newbie with lots I would like to share with you about me and my obesity, but I am actually here to see if I can get some advice as to why I may be feeling as I am.

I have been approved for a revision to a RNY from a 1982 VBG. I was to have had the surgery February 5th but when I went to have the surgery something went wrong with the blood test and they cancelled my surgery that day and sent me to a blood specialist. Long story short they found a mass on my thyroid and I ended up having a ultrasound as well as a biopsy. Nothing was wrong with any of these things the blood came back normal as did the biopsy. So now I am back scheduled to have the surgery for March 19 but here is the thing I am not happy at all about this. I am not even sure if I want to have it. What is wrong with me? I have waited 7 years for this to happen and been turned down twice. Now that I have been approved after a full year of jumping through all the hoops I am not happy about this. What is wrong with me? How can I be feeling this way with a surgery that I need to help me live again. I need this surgery I weigh 339 lbs down from 378 but climbing again as I gained 10 lbs this month. and am 5'4. I need this surgery but yet I am dreading it while most people are always so happy to be approved and ready to go on their day. I AM NOT

Perhaps its that while visiting on another weight surgery forum I see so many getting revisions from the band to the RNY and from the RNY to the DS. I have had them tell me that I will only gain the weight back if I do not get the DS and yet my surgeon does not do the DS. I have seen so many struggling to do the right thing once they have the surgery and its as if they do not have the tool to help them and once again they are doing all the strict diets WHY??? I mean I know its a tool and only a tool not a magic bullet that will take the weight off of us for good. Yet I feel as if I will fail before I even do it due to the fact I am so down about doing it due to all the things I have read and all the things that have been said to me. Its like I just want to run and hide and forget everything that I have ever read negetive about the RNY.

I have been seeing a therapist for about two months now to help me get prepared for this since I have been having such a struggle from the beginning. She says that perhaps it is fear of failure and that also I have already got it in my mind that I will fail. She said deep inside I have the answer to rather I should have the surgery or not but I have to find it. She told me that I know I need to have it but I need to work through why I am sad and right now I just dont know. I guess I am afraid I will have complications, or not lose the weight, or lose then gain. Perhaps I should wait for awhile before I have the surgery but yet in this day and time nobody is safe for even having insurance and a job, so I do not want to put it off to long as anything could happen and right now I am approved.

Also I have one other thing that is bothering me to and that is that my husband is a pastor and our faith is strong in God. We have prayed about this for years and each time ask God for his will to be done in this. Two times in the past 7 years it did not get approved. This time it did but it was stopped and each time I have always prayed God if this is not your will please dont let it happen stop it if you do not want me to have it. And well the surgery was stopped. So now it is like I feel what do I do will I be going againt God if I go forward with this. I am just so confused and I just want to feel good about my decision to have the surgery. Deep inside I want to have it but then there is this nagging feeling of doom or sadness about having it.

I wish I could just wake up happy and excited and be ready to go next Friday. (that date is tenitive) Should hear back tomorrow if it is a go.

[DocSanae]

Welcome to the board, thank you for joining us.
Congratulations on your (tentative) date.
(((((HUGS))))) May your journey go well.

I am sorry to hear your confusion over surgery, and over youself. I wish I could present you a clear and direct answer, but that isn't possible.
However, as a dr, let me say that it sounds like you are depressed. Are you just seeing a therapist? Have you seen a psychiatrist? You many need both to help you sort things out.
Also, be warned that there are a lot of post ops who will exalt and approve only the same method of surgery that they had, and bring down all others. Don't ask me why they do it, maybe it comes from their own insecurity, but anyway, I've heard of this type of dealings. The flat out truth is, this surgery, and any other surgery as well, will work only as much as you are willing to make it work. If it fails, it's only because you aer not using the tool as it was intended to be used. This is the same for band, RNY, DS, whatever. Of course, with methods like band and VSG, there is the band failiure to contend with, but whether it's RNY or sleeve or DS, the only person accountable is yourself. It's tough, but if you are strong enough to tough it out, you can.
Take good care of yourself, you are the only one who can make the choice.
Whatever choice you make, though we are here to support you.

[Manana]

Sorry to hear your having a hard time, it is a hard decision to make but one that only you can make when your ready.
{{{{HUGS}}}} and prayers

[dixieladybug]

Well said Bree. I think you said it all.
This surgery has truly changed my life and I am sure it would for you also. I think we all had the pre surgery jitters. It is normal to feel that way. I was scared to death all the way to the OR. I have gone from an almost home bound not able to do anything to living the life I was missing out on and I would do it again for sure. It is the best choice I have ever done for me.
Good luck. I know you will make the right decision. Just remember we are here for you what ever you choose.

[BreeChick]

You definitely need to continue in seeking support and assistance through a therapist. This is a difficult emotional journey no matter what road you take. Plus our fear of self failure 'yet again' is so strong that sometimes there will be a point that some will try and self sabotage their success. For some that means not even having the surgery although they've been approved in the first place.

Like Doc said for some reason people get really down on other surgeries than what they had. DSers are against RNY, RNYers are against DSers or any of them against LapBanders. I don't get it either on why they do. That's just how life is.

As a deeply committed Christian I totally disagree with your statement on the possibility of having this surgery means you are 'going against God'. I think right now that you are in a state of depression as you are reaching the goal of getting surgery done and trying to find a way out of it for some reason. More than likely it a fear of being successful which can also be quite scarey. the surgery DOES work by the way.

My mother's cousin is a long time pastor in KS and his entire congregation vetoed his surgery. He's been hugely obese ALL his life, and was an amazing Christian man. Until this congregation vetoed his surgery which he'd been approved for with flying colors. Since that point in time he's been a very angry, depressed Christian.

His congregation told him that if he had the surgery he would be 'going against God' and they would vote him out of their Church.He would no longer be a Pastor which had been his life time calling.

I believe God has given His gift of healing to many doctors, surgeons. This surgery IS a gift and gives back in so many ways no matter which one you take. There will always be people who say "well if you take that easy way out you're going against God's will'. I have found in my own experience that they are usually not right with God in the first place to have ANY idea of what God wanted for anyone lives much less their own.Plus these are usually people who want to sabotage anyone else being successful, especially at losing weight.

God gave us doctors to assist us on our way to the best quality of health we can have. God gifted men and women with the drive and desire to become doctors to give back health to those who are able and willing.

Use the time with your therapist to really delve into what is making you hold back. Is it sexual abuse from your childhood, is it fear of failure or is it much more than that?is it a fear that if you lose the weight men will pay attention to you and how will YOU as a Pastor's wife respond to that?
This surgery changes lives, not always in the way we go into it thinking that it will. We get a second chance to follow our dreams and to try things we'd never have imagined we could do.

God gives second chances and beyond second chances. Would go against God giving you a second chance just because you are bound up by FEAR? We have to be very brave in our lives sometimes. This may be a decision which for YOU is one that takes a lot of bravery. With God's support...-GOD-...you can make the right decision for you with His guidance.

This is NOT the easy way out, it is a difficult road full of a lot of learning and changes and challenges. It is a decision which requires a full preparation to embark on.

Good luck in your journey, I pray you can approach it prayerfully and with a lot of personal support and willingness to work hard during the journey.

[navywifejackson]

I too have had the times were i get so sad. I am having to jump though all the hoops now. I dont have my date yet be it maybe getting close to getting one set. Just rember that you are doing this to be healty and weight has so much to do with how you feel. Just keep your head up and it should all work out in the end.

[Gee-ma 47]

You said it Bree! I am a devoted Christian, preacher, and praise and worship leader. God's will is written down in 2 testaments: old and new. He's not a magic 8 ball where if this happens, it's His will, and if it doens't happen, it's not His will. God created me and knew me before I came into existence, but He didn't design me to be morbidly obese- that was due to choices and habits formed in childhood and carried out thru life. For me, this surgery is a 2nd chance to take better care of His temple- my body, so that I can do the things He calls me to do without hinderences or self inflicted burdens. I'm sorry you're struggling with indecision and fear. I know of only two things that will cancel out doubt & fear: faith in God, and love- it cast's out all fear, because you love the Lord enough to do whatever it takes to get you in the best of health possible, and you love yourself and fellowman enough to recognize His help when it comes. Remember the story of the drowning man? He prayed for God to rescue him, and 3 people came along to help, but he turned them down because they didn't look like God's answer to him. Don't get in a hurry, but don't miss your blessings either. Continue to see your counselor, pray, seek God, spend some time alone with Him, be prepared to listen to His still small voice, not focusing on the wind, the earthquake, or the fire (1st kings 19 chpt). I'm praying that the peace of God will overshadow you, and allow you to make the best decision for YOU.

[Perfesser]

From a secular point of view - fear paralyzes us, courage exalts us. We are never living life so well and fully as when we are striving to be better people, in all ways. You will find little minds who know nothing else but what they did for WLS, and if you look right behind them you'll see the pitchforks and torches leaning against the wall, ready to attack anything "different". Such bitter weaklings are a vexation to the spirit.

If you search our archives you will find stories of struggle, complications, failure and redemption. You will also find psalms of praise for the literal resurrection of their bodies from wheelchairs and sick beds. You will find what you seek. It's all there, and we don't try to hide it.

From a religious point of view, you are the Temple of the Lord. You have been entrusted with a marvelous miracle of form and function called a physical body. Is it in the right condition that you would feel proud returning it to He from whom you received it? He has given you His light to illuminate your decisions and actions. All you do in this life should be in harmony with His revealed Word and teachings. You are at a fork in life's road. On one hand is more of the same, with a promise of higher and higher weights and illnesses extending away off over the horizon. On the other hand is surgery, with a promise of increased health, activity, and joy. Which road would the Lord have you choose, the path to misery or the path to a new life spent praising Him and serving His children?

I can testify that my life has been totally transformed through the miracle of WLS. It's only a tool, but what a tool it is!!! I think I could probably get an "AMEN" on that if I asked for one!

Just a note on what I've found effective in prayer. Instead of always asking for Him to show me His will, if I make a decision and present it in prayer to Him for confirmation I get stronger and firmer answers. The first way I'm asking Him to tell me what to do. The second, I'm asking Him to say "yes" or "no". You may find that effective for you, too.

It is your choice, sister, and no one else can make it for you, not your husband, friends, doctors or strangers in the supermarket checkout line (or online!) It is probably the most significant choice you will make in the next 30 years. When there are such momentous choices of such importance, I have found there are often contrarian voices and spirits trying to discourage from doing what the Lord would have me do. Don't let them confuse you.



CT

[TheRainbowsEnd]

I too struggled with the decision to have my surgery. I kept asking myself if I was doing this for the wrong reasons. I was a happy, active, sociable, outgoing overweight person. I had lots of friends, went out alot and was not a real chronic eater. However I was eating too many calories for my own metabolism and exercise level. I kept thinking am I doing this to fit into what society views as the norm, for acceptance by others? And the answer to that is partially yes. I got tired of asking for a seatbelt extender on the plane and having people make rude remarks even though I was not that obese. I also had no health problems at all. I was just a healthy fat woman who could never seem to lose weight.

I think you have to ask yourself what you really want and why you are having this surgery? Write down a list of the pros and cons and how your life will be changed. Study it carefully and pray about it. Only you know the reasons why this is a right or wrong decision. And whatever you decide know that you are acceptable to God, other people and most of all yourself no matter what your weight.

As for myself, the reasons were a combination of health (wanting to remain healthy), personal desires of mine (to dive, mountain climb, travel, backpacking), and yes even some vanity that I want to wear pantyhose and high heels again. We can all say that we are not effected by society's norm but in my case I was hugely, and I decided this was the way I was going to do something about it.

I wish you well whatever your decision. I can see from your post you are a lovely person who is struggling just like the rest of us. But you have to have the surgery for your own reasons...and they have to be good ones...

Keep smiling...and remember to ask for strength...we all need it...

[Exhortergirl]

Wow thank so much for all your awesome comments for me. It is so refreshing from the others I have gotten. Not to complain but I am just confused due to comments like this given to me while seeking the way to go.

I checked your profile and saw your BMI is over 60... you know that the RNY has a failure rate of 35-over 50 % if the starting BMI is over 50, don´t you? And that`s for virgin surgeries. Revision patients do even worse. And only those who loose less then 50% of their excess weight are considered as failure. If you loose 51%, you`re considered a sucess, but you would still be morbididly obese with all the health consequences.

If you settle for the RNY now, you will very likely AGAIN not reach goal, and struggle with regain after 2+ years. It may take you another year to work out everything to get the DS, but that would be worth wiating in my opinion because it would give you the greatest chance to solve that problem once and forever.


I can not tell you how many mixed signals I have gotten and I think that is why I am so sad and so confused. Because going for support and ending up getting many different reactions. I have just felt like there is no hope if I have the RNY and due to comments like above. I just need a breath of fresh air and good uplifting voices that prove it works and that believe you can have great sucess if you follow the rules.

Again thanks for your post everyone I am going to hang around and keep reading and posting. I have not heard from the dr office today about my surgery Friday so I may have more time to think.
God Bless