[danacain]

This isn't a stupid question but I didn't know where else to put it.

Anorexia after WLS--Has anyone experienced this? I did some research and turns out it's not common but it does happen- I'm so high from the weight loss that I catch myself wondering just how skinny I can get. In the beginning I just wanted to get below 200, then I went down to 165, then 155, and then 145. And I know the lowest I can go for my height is 118 and I think, maybe I can do it....

Today I was looking at my wedding photo and thought, I'm too fat. Up until today I thought I looked amazing in that photo. And I was still 45lbs thinner than I am at this moment.

Is this just a phase or should I actually see someone about it? My husband accuses me of not eating enough though I try to tell him that I'm doing my best but it seems anything heavier than a protein shake or soup makes me really sick. I do try to eat...today I've had a protein shake, coffee, and 3 oz of tuna. And water. My big focus is getting protein and some days it's all I can do to make sure I get enough. And to be honest, I hate food these days and just wish I didn't have to eat at all.

If it's just a phase someone let me know because seriously, I feel so empowered and in control for the first time in my life and it's pretty intoxicating. But I don't want to end up in worse shape down the road.

[Kenyar]

YAY another tall person. *ahem* sorry i get distracted easily.

I can honeslty say that i think i was on the verge of this a few months back. i wouldnt admit it then but i think i was in retrospect. it became an obsession but i never spoke about it. its almost like a control thing. i wasnt humgry so it was very easy to deny myself food and be overly critical about what i saw in the mirror and in pics. it was and is still VERY HARD to accept compliments etc..my lowest was 138 and i am your height. SCAREY. my dr's goal for me was 185. and i was NOT happy with that at all.

if you think about it, it makes sense.i havent done any formal research but i can totaly see how eating disorders would be COMMON amongst us. those of us who were compulsive eaters were on the other side of the extreme so it makes sense once you actually start losing to try to push yourself way PAST whats healthy. almost as if the coin flips. i am not a dr or a shrink or by any means a trained professional. these are purely my observations and what i have come to understand about myself. it may not be relevant to anyone else.

for me, i dont see myself as thin AT ALL. i still feel as big as i was, and then out of no where i feel really tiny and awkward and almost vulnerable. its a total mental trip. i would say if you are thinking these things, maybe seeing a shrink with experience either with wls patients or eating disorders or addiction in general, might be beneficial.

as for what you are eating and that sick feeling, your stomach will only be able to handle what you give it. if you dont push REAL food, you are going to have problem breaking it down. sorry for this being longwinded. i just see a lot of me in what you have written. LOL! i stayed on liquids WAY TOO LONG and had PROBLEMS eating because of it. you have to retrain your pouch at this point. at 3 mos post op you should be eating. try.

[lvmyboys]

I had those same feelings....when I was just a few months out. I talked to my mom about it. It passed for me when the new eating became more normal for me. It seemed so drastic from my old eating and I was living and losing and not starving....and I was eating what felt like NOTHING!!! I thought to myself....I can do this for the rest of my life and be happy....eat almost nothing and lose tons of weight!!! I think I liked the control I had and the fact that there was NO hunger...it seemed like getting extremely skinny would almost be easy with my new tool. I had never had control of my eating before. I just passed for me and it may do the same for you. I would say see someone if you are actually not eating or the thoughts continue. It can't hurt to talk to someone.

[DocSanae]

It's not common, but it does happen.
Many of you had/still battle food disorder--complusive eating, bingeing, purging.
Anorexia and compulsive overeating are two sides of the same coin. You can't control the world, so you control your eating, one way or the other. Either you starve, or eat to keep the world out. Your body image is distorted on both ends of the sprectrum--no offense to any of you, but, how did you see your size pre-op...when you see your B/A pics now, what do you see of your pre op self, when you think back to then, what do you remember seeing of yourselves? Now that you are getting *better* I think you are more able to face the reality of it all--unfortunately, most anorexics can't go there, because, while with excess weight, you have surgery as a tool, but with anorexics, there isn't any physical tool the equivalent of surgery yet, so, it still has to be a long and drawn out process of psych therapy.

The anorexic thoughts may be temporary, but it might be a good idea to talk it out with a knowledgeable professional if it persists.

[danacain]

Wow, you guys make me feel so much better---and I will talk to my shrink about it the next time I see him, which is after the winter break.

I watched this show on TLC last night about the half ton man--he weighed almost 1100 lbs and they actually had to remove a wall of his house to get him out of it. He was being crushed by his own weight and his skin was so stretched he had weeping sores. He was covered in his own feces and urine because he couldn't get out of bed. It was utterly horrifying and I actually started crying. And they talked about how there is no cure for food addiction, though, like alcoholism, it is treatable. But food addiction is so much worse because you HAVE to eat. Imagine if an alcoholic HAD to take a little bit of alcohol every day or a heroine addict had to take a little heroine everyday--how successful would they be at conquering their addiction?

And there was one guy who lost 700 lbs and then GAINED IT BACK. Are you kidding me? How do you gain back 700 lbs? Hearing that scares the crap out of me. It just reminds me that I have to be vigilent for the rest of my life; I can never be complacent. But the show also fed my anorexic thoughts; it scares me so bad to think of ever gaining back the weight that I worry I will just go too far in the other direction, ya know?

Kenyar, fellow tall person, :P) I know I'm supposed to be eating real food, and yesterday I tried to eat some chicken teriyaki but within a few bites I had to go throw up because it felt like I had eaten gravel. It was horribly painful. I think it might have been the rice. Any starchy, carby food like pasta, bread or rice makes me horribly sick. I mostly stick to soft foods like cream of wheat, which I have discovered is an amazing source of iron, tuna, mash potatoes, soft scrambled eggs and soup. Soup is my savior. Soup allows me to eat in restaurants which I had really missed.

But even those foods can trigger a reaction if I eat too fast, which is why some days I just stick to protein shakes. I actually dread eating these days, which I'm guessing is totally normal. I mean, anyone would if they never knew if they were going to end up vomiting.

[DocSanae]

Many pouches resist such foods like rice, pasta and bread. They tend to swell in your pouch which will make you feel sick. Also, carb foods can cause dumping which again will make you feel sick. Some will do well with sushi rice, since it's moistened with vinegar, but can't do other types of rice, whether it be brown or white.
Also, too dry food may be tough on your pouch, so start off with well cooked ones, about to fall apart. Cooking with crock pots are good for making nourishing food that agrees with your pouch, so try that if you haven't already.
It is heck of a lot of trial and error, so it's about time for you to slowly emerge from the scared to broaden your horizons state.

[Kenyar]

stay away from rice til 6 mos and even then stay away!!! LOL.
what doc is saying is so true. the crock pot saved me and still does to this day. i have to have meats in a sauce or gravy; stewed and tender to the point of falling apart. also the teriyaki- depending on what it ws sweetend with may have irritated you as well.

like doc says it is LOTS of trial and error but try. if you are going to try to eat stick to soft moist initally - tuna, egg salad, chicken salad, flaky fish worked WONDERFULLY for me (whiting, flounder etc) and i do ok with shrimp. just a few ideas to keep you afloat. i also did lots of cold cuts. wrap a slice of turkey in cheese an voila! LUNCH! lol.

keep trying you will find your way.

[danacain]

I had halibut a couple of weeks ago and I did really well with that...before surgery I hated fish--absolutely hated it, but it's the only meat I can eat these days and I'm starting to like it, so that's a blessing...lol

You guys are so right about the trial and error....I just wish the "error" wasn't so painful...lol

[DocSanae]

Originally Posted by danacain

You guys are so right about the trial and error....I just wish the "error" wasn't so painful...lol

Ahh...try and think of it as correcting your "error", y'all made lotsa errors in your eating that got you to the point of needing surgery, right? So it's trial and correcting your errors, rather than just trial and error.

[danacain]

So very true....and I know it's still early for me and it's a lifetime journey so I need to relax and take it all one day at a time....