[Pillows]

Just curious to see if any of you feel the same way, but did you feel when you were fat like you had to be super person in all other areas of your life to make up for your weakness in your weight? I hate the phrase, "I wouldn't throw her out of bed for eating crackers." I absolutely hate the fact that there is so much pressure put on us by society to feel like we are so worthless that we have to strive so hard to prove our worth. I have heard of past conversations where my husband's co-workers will talk about how it is okay that some woman acts a certain way because she is beautiful and therefore not accountable for her actions. On the flip side, I have also heard them say that who does she think she is, it isn't as though she is that pretty. This infuriates me and I was kinda wondering if some of you that have lost weight have noticed that society seems to be much more forgiving of you in other ways now that you are thinner, and if this finally allows you to stop feeling like you have to do everything for everyone. I am not saying in any way shape or form that I will not enjoy having more attention in a positive way, I guess that even though a big part of me is so enraged at the way the world is, a big part of me still wants to be accepted by it. I guess I would like to have a break from feeling like I have to say yes to everyone to get them to like me since I don't have the visual attributes that tell people I am worthwhile. I don't know, maybe I am just paranoid, and maybe it is just late at night and I need to go to bed to stop from rambling on and on. I guess I just have some weird ponderings sometimes that need to get out and be released.
Thanks for being my bouncing wall.
Janae

[fr1endly2]

i guess for me at my hugest of sizes i didnt want any attention
drawn my way so i tened to me quieter and just try to pass
life by in the back row of life.
NOW im trying to come out some.
ITs funny people treat me different thin...
but i dont know that its all them...
i feel im smileing more now so that draws them
to me verses hideing in the back miserable.

MAKES us think!
BUT so much changes when we loose weight.

lisa

[Pillows]

I have never really been the type to hide in the shadows for the most part. I have always tried to be outgoing and friendly and appearing confident. I think at times I overdid the friendly and confidence act so that they wouldn't know how vulnerable and miserable I actually was. Kind of a make them watch what your left hand is doing so they don't notice the right hand. I am excited to see how losing weight changes things for me and my perception of the world. I just hope that I can accept that certain people will start treating me better, and maybe give them the chance to know me better and know why they should have given me that chance earlier. I think you are right about how we don't know when we may be giving off a vibe that makes us unapproachable. It is deffinately something to think about.
Janae

[RobinZ]

Hi Janae,

Just thought I'd jump in on this one. I have always been big and rarely let my weight get in the way of things I wanted to do. That being said, I do know that I missed out on things because people didn't invite me or include me because of my weight. Yes, I do think we over compensate and try harder to get people to accept us and I have been very successful to that end. I have even had jobs that other fat people probably wouldn't have gotten, mostly because my personality and skill won the boss over faster that that fat discrimination thought came into their heads!

Yes, there is tremendous fat discrimination out there in the big world and it is the only area that is not taboo. Fat jokes abound, kids stare, everyone feels comfortable putting down a fat person. I can't tell you how often I have had to face it. It's a very sad statement of society. People idolize the anorexic, maybe feel a little sorry for them, but not really. And what does every anorexic fear? To be fat. Because they will not be accepted if they are fat. Oh, man, I'm really rambling here.

Let me get off this brutal topic and just say - I have not lost enough weight yet for it to be that much of a physical change in my life. I started at 390, I'm still over 300, so the general public will not see a difference in me yet - the people in the mall who laugh at me will still laugh at me. Since I don't know what it is like to be "normal" size, I don't know how people will treat me or if it will be different. I hope I don't change, I hope I stay the same person I am, but again, who knows?

[Pillows]

Thanks for your input Robin. I guess part of my fear is due to a best friend I had in high school. She was a little on the chubby side, but not bad, and then she started to be anorexic/bulemic and all of a sudden she was so obsessed on her outside that she actually became more insecure than she was before. It was like she had forgotten who she was inside and the things that truly made her beautiful outside of her physical looks, and she was really cute to begin with. We ended up drifting apart after we graduated because I met my husband and even after I was engaged, she kept hitting on him right in front of me. It made me really sad that she craved attention and validation so badly that she would betray me like that even though she had no actual interest in him to begin with. I hope and pray that I do not let the weight loss get to my head too much, but that it simply allows people to get to know the beauty I know I have inside without me having a chip on my shoulder from the past. I worry about what kind of pressures will be present when my three year old daughter is a young woman. If things are this bad now, how bad will they be in ten years? Oh well, I guess that we take it one day at a time and try to do our best to represent ourselves and our family as well as we can. Thanks again for responding.
Janae

[freebird]

hI I'm not at the point yet; after surgery, where i can look back and see where i was overcompensating, but i do know that when i am with others i feel like i have to be happy. Or seem to be. I force myself to smile and laugh when all i really want to do is eat chocolate and go to bed. I pretend that there is nothing wrong in my life when inside i am miserable but i am afraid to let others know. i never thought/think about it much. It's just something i've always seem to have done. I don't remember if i was like that before i started gaining weight or not. It will be interesting for me to see if that changes after i start to lose the weight. Thanks for making me think about this.
freebird

[Pillows]

Not a problem freebird, consider it the least I could do after you have shared so many beautiful poems with me.
Janae

[freebird]

aaaawwww! Thanks pillows (krys is blushing while the poem bandit starts searching for another poem to post). hehe

[xsmith95]

Point well written. I know exactlly what you are saying. I feel I have already suffered from that type of discremination. I can't believe the way people think these days. I am the same on the inside, why don't people see that?

Shelley

[Deb]

OH my gosh...I overcompensate so much. Sometimes I attach it to the weight...othertimes I don't.

It frustrates me that I achieve the goals i set for myself, but this one. I've gone above and beyond and over the top and back "apologizing" in one way or another due to my weight....if I'm this way...I must be a great person, even though I'm heavy.

I read that and totally saw myself.
Deb