[concernedwife2007]

I am on this site due to my husband. I have been encouraging my husband to get the gastric surgery for the last year due to his wieght and different health problems. He has tried diet and exercise and neither worked. His own doctor said that at this point his only option is the surgery. Now I'm the one that has been pushing for it and I think it will do him a lot of good. But he is scared to death to go set up an appointment to do the consultation. I can understand this due to previous experiences he has had with surgeries. But my husband is 24 years old, 5'11", and almost 400lbs. The doctor is really worried about him, to the point of saying that even just take a nice walk uphill could throw my husband into a heartattack. That in itself scares me and so I have pushed for this surgery. But should I be worried about the surgery. We have only been married a few months and so I'm sure you can understand my worry. I have been reading about the surgery alot lately and I've read some horror stories. I am worried but I dont tell him that I am. He is scared enough as is. Does any one have any suggestions on how to handle this????

[DocSanae]

Welcome to the board, thank you for joining us.

This is a major surgery, and life changing in more ways than one.
This isn't just about losing the extra weight, it is more about rearranging how you relate with a lot of things in life, food of course, but not only food.

Your husband will have to decide for himself, no matter how much you would like him to have the surgery and improve his health. Do not force him to go where he doesn't want to. Rather, be ready to give him a gentle push, be ready to help him gather the information he needs to, and be there to support him in whatever he chooses. If your opinion is a strong influence in his deciding to go for it, even if he himself is afraid and still is undecided, then, if he finds himself having a tough time adjusting to the post op life, it may affect your relationship. So, he has to decide of his own absolutely free will.

The only thing to do is research throroughly. Both the bad and the good. Understand what both your husband and you will need to do in order for the surgery and weight loss to be successful. There are a lot of people who have had a rough time post op, but then again, many do say that it was worth it all considering the improvement in the quality of life despite all the difficulties, and having to give up many things that they depended upon before. If the negative comments and stories scare both of you and make you want to turn away from the surgery, then, the possibility is that you are not quite ready for it yet, and not quite ready to make all the changes, stick to the surgeon's instructions, and take on the responsibility you need to take on, to succeed. After all, the surgery and the pouch as a result is only a tool, not a magic wand that will make the weight disappear and keep it away, no matter what you do.

If you go through this board, you will realize what a lot of work it is to get the best out of this surgery, and it is a constant battle of changing old habits and old ways of thinking.

I will not say there are no concerns that come as the result of the surgery, but if the post op is dilligent in taking care of him/herself through getting in all the vitamins and minerals, protein and fluids that a post op needs to take extra care in getting in what's required, and listening to their body carefully, checking things out with the surgeon or the PCP conscientiously whenever you're not feeling well, then a lot of the complications can be avoided, or, if they happen, the effect be kept at a minimum level.
It will take time, but I suggest you go through as many threads and posts here as you can, knowledge, of both the good and the bad, is the best weapon you will have.
Whatever your husband choose, may he have the best of everything.

((((((((HUGS)))))))) May your husband's and your journey go well.

[A new me]

Very nicely written doc. I couldnt agree more with you. It all so true. Like Doc says, you, the person having surgery, has to be ready to take this step in their life. Its not an easy decision. Im only 3 and 1/2 months post op and Im thrilled with my outcome and my changes and how Im on to being a more healthy person and etc.....but like doc says, there are alot of things to consider and do make alot of changes with your food, your mind and etc.....Its a total lifestyle change. But I can honestly say Im 100% glad that I have made this choice and I have had good results so far and no complications, knock on wood. Best of luck with you and your husband.

[Kenyar]

Welcome!! I agree as well. Doc Said it all

I guess also there is a lot to conder as a spouse of a possible candidate. First off, its amazing how supportive you are BUT this is HUGE. If your husband is afraid and wont look into it further, it has to end there until he's ready. Its a COMPLETE lifestyle change. It isnt easy at all. So i'd say be supportive as you have been, but in the end it has to be something that he is going to decide on, cooperate and work with.

Let us know how it turns out.

[rozzy345]

I agree with all the previous posters. Do all the research you can and help him make his decision but ultimately it has to be his decision.

Good Luck

P.S. Have him come to this site and read a little it may be helpful to him.

Roz

[fr1endly2]

just wanted to say hi!
and DOC puts it right.
FOR me personally the fact i was a heart attack
or stroke waiting to happen out weighed the risks
of the surgery and i knew i had too.
I started my journey at 310 and now im
healthy in the 170's......
but only your husnband can make the choice
when he is ready!
its no EASY way out.
and if he decides to have the surgery i think its awesome that
your gonna be his key support person!
i can tell by you being here now for him

[not quite Barbie]

Everyone has given you good advice. I also think you should tell your husband that you are afraid too! It might help him to know your fears instead of needing to be brave because you are being brave.

I AM afraid of how this surgery is going to change my life (and a lot of other people on this site feel the same way) but I've come to realize thait this is the best thing I can do to help me. Your husband has to come to that decision by himself.

[celadon]

Doc gave you all the right answers. You can never FORCE someone into doing something because YOU think it is best. They have to come to that conclusion on their own.

I agree that you should tell him you are frightened and don't want to lose him. Maybe that will wake him up to at least make a decision to do something about his weight. I have been married for almost 40 years so you will just have to trust that I know what I am talking about when I say that keeping this from him will eat at you and your relationship will suffer just because you are trying to protect him.

Best of luck to you both whatever he decides to do.

[MsVickie]

Hi there and welcome to the boards. I understand your concern. Doc is completely right. It has to be up to him along with everything else she said.
When you hubby is ready then he will do what he needs to. There will be a breaking point. Trust me on that. I think everyone here comes to a point. I know I did. If perhaps you can talk him into going to a Gastric Bypass support meeting just one time..... he may see things differently. Alot that attend are just getting knowledge. He wont be alone and there usually free of charge.

For Alot the surgery scares them more than the alternative. We have men on here now that have had it or..... are getting ready to. I I will let you know the more you stress over this it may turn him off to. You will have to make that decision and know your limits with him.

Im lucky. My hubby would be first in line if he needed it !!! LOL all i would have to do is suggest it. But of course hes nice and lean. Im the big girl. Now me if someone suggested something like this to me I might be really offended if it wasn't my idea.

At the weight hes at now....he will start to feel bad. Things will hurt....etc... and that will be his time to say OK I gotta do something. Now whether that is Weight Loss Surgery or something else he will try will ultimately be his decision.

Perhaps he would feel better talking to some of the fellas on the board. I do wish I could give you more help but.... right now its up to him. Good luck to the both of you with this. We all deserve the best in life. Take care.

[bren]

Another one for the Doc..she said it so well.