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07-19-2007, 12:38 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Newbie |  Thank you
Thank all of you for your wonderful advice. I do believe my husband will probably go the route of the surgery because he has tried everything else. So now I need a different type of advice. He has never been very disciplined in his life. He never had chores or anything else like that. He tried going to college but dropped out because he wasnt disciplined enough. So now he is saying he wants to change his habits and wants to seriously consider this surgery but he says he needs a drill sergeant to do it. Now I must admit, I cant even get him to pick up his laundry unless I'm right there on him about it like a little six year old, but this is something more serious. When it comes to the house work I just do it because its easier. But ME doing all the dieting and exercising and everything isnt going to help HIM lose the weight or the medical problems. So should I coach him and be his "drill sergeant" or just kinda sit back and support him and if he never gets the initiative to do it pray the doctor is wrong in saying that even a long walk can throw him into cardiac arrest? I trust you guys will have great ideas on this as you did the other one. Thank you so much for your help.  |
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07-19-2007, 05:46 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Seasoned Veteran  Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: SOMEPLACE LONG ISLAND, NY
Posts: 6,756
Weight Statistics June 1, 2005 Start Date:
Height: 310 lb Start Weight:
167 lb Current Weight:
159 lb Goal Weight:
143 lb Weight Loss:
8 lb Lb Left to Lose:
46.1290322581 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index 51 BMI Start:
27 BMI Current:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass     | 
Hmmm its a hard one!!! I know personally i dont like when any one in the house tells me what i should or shouldnt be eating.... I think its a roll that will be hard and difficult cause if he truly wants the food he is gonna do as he wants. EARLY out is farily easy, we tend to loose interest in food (sometimes i thought the doctor got in and did some surgery on my brain in those early months) but when you get further out cravings and eating wants come back. SO habit do need changeing. I dont know thats again your decision if you want to be his food police/drill sargent i would think it will cause anger between you guys but again you know your relationship with him and how it will effect that part of your life (((HUG))))
__________________ LISA  http://w5.photobucket.com/widgets/dy...164/fr1endly2/ LAP RNY Gastric Bypass  |
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07-19-2007, 06:16 AM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Seasoned Veteran  Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Mount Vernon, NY
Posts: 7,738
Weight Statistics 4/1/07 Start Date:
4/19/07 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
258 lb Start Weight:
158 lb Current Weight:
165 lb Goal Weight:
100 lb Weight Loss:
-7 lb Lb Left to Lose:
38.7596899225 % % Lost:
04/19/2008 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 38.0957781979 BMI Start:
23.3299726948 BMI Current:
24.36357908 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass |
hmmmm. this is difficult. in the beginning he wont want much of anything. im 3 mos and and still dont want anything lol! but i have heard that the cravings do come back. i dont even know how i will approach that with myself. the thing is, if he's full on into the swing of things by the time he can have regular food, his habits should have changed by then. this is just a guess. I mean with all of the changes, the exercising and eating right in the past 3 months (for me) i dont even think about the stuff i used to eat. I dont really have a taste ofr it anymore. i could be different, i could be wrong but thats just me. also, look into counselling and seeing a nutritionist (not sure if its required thru your insurance) but long term therapy and meal planning for the both of you would be great. hope this helps some 
__________________ Anything worth having is worth working for Kenya R.  Lap RNY 4/19/07     |
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07-19-2007, 06:49 AM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Big Loser  Join Date: May 2007 Location: Florida
Posts: 196
Weight Statistics June 5, 2007 Start Date:
July 31, 2007 Surgery Date:
3' 0"
Height:
260 lb Start Weight:
160 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
100 lb Weight Loss:
10 lb Lb Left to Lose:
38.4615384615 % % Lost:
Dec 2008 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 141.033950617 BMI Start:
86.7901234568 BMI Current:
81.3657407407 BMI Goal:
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Please forgive me if I am wrong, but it seems to me that your husband is very immature. This is his life he is playing around with but he expects you to be the food police. That way, if he fails, he can blame you. He needs to understand that you are absolutely there to support him but you can't do it for him or force him to do it. Perhaps you could sit down with him and plan meals around healthy foods so that he can learn to eat properly. Self discipline is a hard fought battle and I usually find that obese people are very disciplined in all areas of their lives except eating. In his case, I think what he needs to learn is discipline. If you are willing to help, he can do that.
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07-19-2007, 07:08 AM
| #5 (permalink) |
| WLS Master Guru  Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Virginia
Posts: 572
Weight Statistics 4/30/2007 Start Date:
9/5/07 Surgery Date:
5' 4"
Height:
233 lb Start Weight:
140 lb Current Weight:
140 lb Goal Weight:
93 lb Weight Loss:
39.9141630901 % % Lost:
Nov 2008 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 39.9899902344 BMI Start:
24.0283203125 BMI Current:
24.0283203125 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass |
Absolutely DO NOT agree to become his food police. He has to be the one to decide to change his life style. From everything I've read, this is a very difficult journey and it takes an incredible committment to make it. Yes, he can lose the weight quickly and relatively painlessly, but it's still an effort to eat right, get all the vitamins and minerals, drink all the fluids. And this is for the rest of his life. You cannot be there every minute of every day for the next 50 years to make sure he behaves. He should not have this surgery until HE is ready to police himself. THere are some threads here about people who have not eaten correctly after the surgery and the effects can be horrific. There's one thread about a lady who's in a wheelchair (possibly for the rest of her life) because she didn't get her vitamins and minerals. You both need to understand the committment needed to do this. |
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07-19-2007, 07:32 AM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Super Moderator  |
I have to agree with Barbie and celadon. If your husband is not ready to take care of himself by himself, in other words, unless he can be independent and self reliant no himself, this journey is going to be very very difficult for both him and you. If he expects somebody to be a drill sergeant, then he is fooling himself, and he is fooling you. He needs to learn to be his own drill sergent. He has to realize, the only one who can be there for him always, 24/7/365 is he himself. No matter how much you are willing to support him, you just can't be with him that way. What will happen when you two have children, for instance. How are you going to take care of both your husband and the baby? That's going to be very demanding on you, if he is the way you say he is. It may be that therapy to resolve such issues that he has now, is the first thing in order. Once he learns to recognize what he lacks and what he needs to learn, to train himself in, and is able to do that, then everything else will fall into the place it should. ((((((HUGS))))))
__________________ "In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun."   Just a li'l bit 'bout myself Last edited by DocSanae; 07-19-2007 at 10:59 AM. |
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07-19-2007, 07:52 AM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Seasoned Veteran  Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: NYC the best place in the world to live!
Posts: 2,986
Weight Statistics Halloween 2005 Start Date:
4' 11"
Height:
212 lb Start Weight:
127 lb Current Weight:
130 lb Goal Weight:
85 lb Weight Loss:
-3 lb Lb Left to Lose:
40.0943396226 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index 42.8141338696 BMI Start:
25.6480896294 BMI Current:
26.2539500144 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass |
I think its great that you want to help and support your husband. i think i would just label it something different. NOt so much a police but partner. It will help if you guys make the life style changes together. You can be an influence and guide for him. Ultimatly he will decide what he wants no matter what you say or do but it helps to have someone going along for the ride. Most men and im sorry if i insult any here are immature and need someone to push them in the right direction. We turn into caretakers sometimes. But this surgery is a personal journey. You just need to be by his side no matter what he decides to do . Hopefully you can do this together. Best of luck . LittleLisaMarie
__________________ LitleLisaMarie 4'11"{dont laugh}   |
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07-19-2007, 10:48 AM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Seasoned Veteran  Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Floyd County Virginia
Posts: 3,614
Blog Entries: 1 Weight Statistics September 19th 2007 Start Date:
September 19th 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 10"
Height:
363 lb Start Weight:
211 lb Current Weight:
165 lb Goal Weight:
152 lb Weight Loss:
46 lb Lb Left to Lose:
41.8732782369 % % Lost:
12/31/09 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 52.0793877551 BMI Start:
30.2720408163 BMI Current:
23.6724489796 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass |
Honey what I would tell you is this...........remember the reasons you married him. If he did this stuff before you were married then it thinks its all acceptable ya know? Putting a big change on him immediatly is not gonna work. Its somthing that has to be bulit on. Like little changes slowly. Your hubby will come around slowly. When hes ready hes ready. You might need to support him but he will have to do the rest him self he wont have a choice in that matter.
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07-19-2007, 07:24 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Whipper Snapper Join Date: May 2007 Location: Connecticut
Posts: 31
Weight Statistics March 2007 Start Date:
May 30, 2007 Surgery Date:
Height: 291 lb Start Weight:
180 lb Current Weight:
140 lb Goal Weight:
111 lb Weight Loss:
40 lb Lb Left to Lose:
38.1443298969 % % Lost:
May 2008 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 45.5 BMI Start:
44 BMI Current:
20 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass |
One thing I know that has helped me,along with this website, is a wls support group meeting once a month at my local hospital. Many doctors in my area send people to our support group who are "thinking" of having the surgery just to get info and talk with people who have been through it. Maybe you can suggest that you and your husband go together--my husband said he really learned alot at those meetings.
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07-19-2007, 08:33 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Seasoned Veteran Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 1,864
Blog Entries: 8 Weight Statistics July 10, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
271 lb Start Weight:
145 lb Current Weight:
145 lb Goal Weight:
126 lb Weight Loss:
46.4944649446 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index 43.7357667585 BMI Start:
23.4010560147 BMI Current:
23.4010560147 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass | I agree with a lot of what you guys have said. For myself - I wasn't ready for wls til now. I have been watching from the bleachers for 6-7 years quite literally. I have been thru my spouse saying everything he could think of to jolt me out of my unhealthy lifestyle. I was just too bull headed to listen to most arguments and truthfully, I had to come to grips with my weightloss issues myself. It may take something to scare the heck out of him before he gets serious. MsVickie, I also agree with you that it's small steps and small bricks building a foundation for a new way of life and while I can't imagine going thru this alone I also know nothing made me take action til I was ready. My DH once he realized I was ready was there with the support (quite literally financial, emotional) that's when the big steps were taken. My best wishes and prayers for your and your husband. Please take time to carefully looking reprecussions if you DH isnt ready for wls - I know people who did not lose because they really werent ready. (Rather lost but regained quickly)
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