[nygal]

Excuse my rambling, but i just gotta vent some!

I'm MAD! I am having a great day today, but thoughts popped into my head and now im pissed.

For a long time I KNEW i was gaining weight and i KNEW my pants were going up in size, but i somehow missed it?!

Mmy friends and family still treated me the same as before i gained those last 70,80+ pounds. I still felt "cute". I was always happy and bubbly (was i?) I still did the same activites (did i?).

My husband still chased after me like a dog in heat... so my world was good- right?

I mean I did not have diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, or even high cholestrol--- (believe it or not). Like everyone said "your healthy but you just like to eat, so just eat less"...

I did not realize just how heavy i was until i was walking past a store window (from the outside) and saw my sideview reflection...

WOW! is that really me?!! Is that MY belly hanging to my knees like that?

WHY did no one tell me?? HOW did i miss it? HOW did i let myself get that way....

WHY do i eat alone at 11pm or run to taco bell at 2 am?? Why the compulsion to eat and to do it alone and act like i did not eat all day? Why do i tell my hubby to take the kids and go out on weekends because i have too much work to do (i work in my home office) intead of me going with and enjoying life? Why did i lock myself up in my office for 2 years? WHEN did i start doing that? WHY did hubby let me...

About a year aog, i realized that at 236 lbs, 300 was coming soon, along with those other ailments that can occur due to my being so heavy.

Crap-- if i don't do something once and for all, I'm toast!! Thus the WLS-- and this second chance at life

Today i saw myself in the mirror and i cannot believe how different i already look... how much my belly is already pulling up and going in- yeah!!

But NOW i am mad!!

NOT because i am losing the weight- but because i let myself go so far in the first place.

And no one told me.

Though they are saying plenty now. I get the "WOW your looking good!" "Hey why did you let it go so far?"

*I even get "Is THAT all your eatting?!"

What the?*x!! I can't win.

If i were doing drugs they would have said "hey stop doing that" .

But because it is food related people just ignore, or assume i just needed to stop eatting.

Well ya'll stop breathing how's that?

NO ONE undestood.

No one wanted to know or see the real issues behind my uncontrolable eatting...

Ok, all doen- thanks for listening!! Glad i am not alone anymore!!

[myavt]

I can most definitely relate. My hubby and I went on an "ice cream diet" the last summer of my "bad eating". He still weighed 195 at the end. I weighed 278 and am 5'2.

My hubby claims that I always looked the same to him--or only a "little" heavier--which seemed to come and go. He was in denial. Other's I found would tell me I looked great and then do the "Oh my god what should we do? She's killing herself!" behind my back because they didn't want to hurt my feelings.

When ya' wake up out of denial, reality does take a mind-bending shock!

However, whenever I'm tempted to point the fingers at others and say "Why didn't THEY..." (help me), I take care to point the finger back at myself and say--hey I can concentrate on the real problem: "Why didn't I..." (help MYSELF) or I can focus on the solution day by day and just get better.

Under all MY aggravation was a whole lot of anger at myself about letting myself get that outrageously FAT. I don't know how your health/psyche work, but I had to let up on myself and just say, "Hey, it's done and over--PERIOD." and move along from there.

I get frustrated that, for instance, I'm stuck at 190 today. But I'm sooooooo grateful to be in the 100's! My frustrations have more to do with what's going on now and don't linger too much.

I don't know if that would help you. It's what works for me.

XOXO
Mya

[Kenyar]

i can definitely say you are not alone. i did harbor a lot of furstration towards those who enabled me or said nothing about how big id gotten. but i came to realize it was no ones "fault" but my own. and by taking control and not sitting in it, you've come to realize this too.

always come on here and vent, voice opinions, or just speak your mind. it will help you to see where you were. looking back on these threads will be amazing to you in the end.

[LittleLisaMarie]

I have also felt that way too...Whenever i look at old pics i yell at my husband and kids and ask why they never told me how bad i looked. They still tell me to this day i didnt look that bad....I also blame myself for not seeing it as well....or seeing it and being in denial....as said above its over and done with and i will never let myself go like that again...

Keep up the great work.

LittleLisaMarie

[Rachael]

First of all, you ARE adorable!

I can relate to all you said to the point that I could have written that myself. I tell you, I understand completely. Every day it is a shock to see what I have done to myself and wonder why no one said anything - but it has gotten to where I see it in their eyes, their faces. And then there is my boyfriend who finds discussing my weight taboo. UGHHHH.

And I know they don't understand, no matter how well-meaning they are. And now mister you HAVE to discuss it.

But I do. I understand and no, you are NOT alone.

[MsVickie]

A lady at work told me not to have this done. She said you love food so much why would you want to take that away. I think they just see us as overweight and that is all there is to it. Do they see us as a person? I dont have that answer. I have thought about that to. You see I still think it goes back to ..... ok im overweight yea but shes my friend and I dont look as bad next to her.

[lazell]

WOW!!! it sure seems like there is a lot of funk out there right now.i can recall people not wanting me to go thru this out of fear i'de change.i'm a crazy girl and always will be.my daughter says noone saw it because i was so loved by everyone. she swears she didn't notice how big i was until i was laying in hos.bed after wls.it is crazy that nobody saw the real us.

[kitty56]

If the people who love you will love you any size and I think that is what a true friend is. My friends and family knew I wanted to be thinner and I went on all kinds of diets and was unsuccessful. They loved me just how I was and when I mentioned that I am going to have the gastric bypass they were all happy for me and they all knew I needed it to loss the weight, becasue I know I would had a good possibility of dying becasue I was so heavy, two years ago I weighted 384, that is pushing 400 pounds, with lots of health problems. But I cannot blame anyone but me becasue no one held a gun to my head to eat the bad food. I did it all to myself. I have seen family and friends leave people who are so overweight. And that just is not right just the fact that they are heavy and that to me shows that they never loved that person in the first place. I am so blessed to have friends and family that stuck to me when I was at my heaviest and to now losing the weight. I was never a person to hide in my home I went and did things but only things that I could handle. The walking was very limited and that did not make a difference to family or friends they just wanted me there becasue they would say that it was not the same without me there. And I know that if anyone would have gone on and on about my weight, that would have upset me and I would have ate food for comfort, and I just had to realize that I had to do the sugery to save my life and doing it just for me. I now look at food so different and food is not such an important part of my life.
Sorry if I stepped on anyones toes with my opinion. But that is how I fell and felt at that time.

[traciflud]

I felt the same, I knew I was buying size 26-28 and just learned to ignore it, and I knew I had gotten out of control, but I rationalized it. I think nobody said anything because it is a touchy subject, I could have taken offense, I could have cried, nobody wants to offend or make someone cry. In all honesty, I would have probably done both, and then ate more and gained more. I was like you, I had to have a wake up call that spoke directly to me and got my attention. I dont think it would have worked any other way for me at least. My husband and I had talked about my weight before and I know others in my family were concerned but I dont think anything they could have said would have affected me positively or proactively.

[BreeChick]

it's amazing and so hurtful when we finally have that "ah ha!" moment and see what we were. Wowsers it hurts. It wasn't really until I saw my before/afters on here side by side that I just didn't see how sad I looked, how ugly I was, even though everyone always said the whole "you're so pretty, if you'd just lose some of THAT weight"...well wowsers then when I got so small...um..well let's not go there on that one, okay?

When people starting including you in things you'd been left out of before and treat you like a 'real' person, you're gonna find that "ah ha!" moment again and get all angry again.

It's hurtful to find out that, yes, when we were huge we were kind of 'non-person' in everyone's eyes. We weren't always flirted with, looked over with that longing that the other girl's got..it's amazing all the things that should be good stuff things which will make ya just mad!