[Robbin]

It amazes me how many times I have made excuses for myself to not do certain things. Things like going out with friends, either it be to dinner or to a night club. Imagine this fat girl sitting in a bar..oh how uncomfortable it would be.
Even just going to a friends home, hoping no one else would be there.
OMG don't look at me...I would get so fidgity....
I was so embarrassed about how I looked that I just waisted my life away.
Just getting dressed was a hastle...

I feel bad for my husband, he has never said anything until last weekend.
We were out for a ride to look at a new housing community and he wanted to look at an open house. I didn't feel that we were dressed to go looking at houses, being that we were working in the yard earlier that day.
He got mad at me and actually yelled. "Why do you worry so much about how you are..?" He doesn't see me the way I do...to him I look great..especially now. He never yells, he gets frustrated.
I wanted to cry., he made me see what I did. I not only excluded myself from things, I have included my family in my insecurity's.
Now I was embarrased for how I just acted. It was an old habit....

I need to learn to forgive myself for all the years I have lost because of my weight problem. I need to take hold of this new energy and make good of it and get on with a new and improved life. I am actually looking forward to it.
I need to trust myself and move on.

Thanks to this web-site You all have helped me through some very scary times and very good times. Thanks to all of you for that.

These past two months have been an adventure, I hope I can continue my journey with all of you., you are all such inspirations to me.
I am getting blubbery...

hehehe...

ROBBIN

[ChuppyGirl]

Awwww Robbin come over here



I know exactly what you saying!!!! imagine I was like that from day one of my marriage!!! I was very happy that I marry the man I wanted for years, he's all the qualities that every woman dreams of! everybody were happy for me but yet I wasn't feeling secured in my wedding (I had lost ~45kg before my wedding coz I had gastric banding less than one year before my big day!) although I was slimmer than any other time in my life and people were stunned with how I looked but yet I wasn't feeling secured. I remember I had tears in my eyes many times during the wedding and there was a voice in my heas oohhh this one now is critisizing my hair,, noo this one is critisizing my arms ...all the nastiets thoughts passed throw my head and I swear and my happyness feelings turned to anger sometimes during the wedding towards people were in my head!!!! it was nerve racking and I didn't feel comfortable untill the party was done.

And through my 4.5 years of marriage there were many ups and downs and all were because of my insecurities due to my over weight, I had horrible experiences during my pregnancy's, my baby delievery's, traveling, .... I can write pages.. but now being 3 months post-op I feel that long list of sorrow are starting to fade away...

(((((((((((HUG))))))))))))) I know exactly how you feel awful that you can't forgive yourself...I'm exactly there..try to go to curch for prayers, or do some Yoga and meditation classes I'm doing them now.. it has helped me a lot to be in a quite peace with myself and to love myself too

Love you Robbin, hang in there honey I know for myself that even when I'll reach my WL traget I will still have some residual hard feelings towards some people who harshly hurt me and with myself too..But thank God that he created us with short-long term memory that gets deteriorated with time (Age hehehehe)...you and I will forget and forgive others and yourself that's for sure :~)

Love you
Hanadi

[Pillows]

awww Robbin.. I just wanna give you a great big hugg through the screen. It is hard to adjust your way of thinking after surgery and sometimes the realization of what you were or thought before is hard to face. You put it very well though.
Janae

[wannabethin]

Robbin, I think we've all been there. I'm hoping when I'm post-op that those negative feelings go away at some time. Right now if I am going to see someone who I haven't seen in awhile, I immediately start trying to calculate how much I've gained since the last time we were together. It can get crazy sometimes. I have a good friend who lives out of state. I haven't seen her for 7 years. She e-mailed me this week and is planning a trip back here sometime this summer. My mind kicked in overdrive--trying to come up with the weight I was back then. And what she will think that I'm even heavier now. It will be such a relief to not have to make myself nutty over that type of thinking. And to just grab something out of the closet that might actually look stylish, not only what will cover me up. Ugh, I'm so ready for those stumbling blocks to be behind me and start making up for lost time. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Robbin, guess we're all in this together, huh.

[Robbin]

Oh my goodness how many times I have had to meet up with someone I have not seen for awhile and have thought the very same things. They almost always looked great to me, but I never looked good enough for them...(hehehe) Deep down inside.....
My good friends have always stood by me and still are here to encourage me with my surgery. They are the best.
I think your friend will see you and be happy to be with you., nothing else. Be happy being with her and act as though there is nothing different.
I did and sometimes still do make jokes about how fluffy I have gotten...hey it gets a laugh and at time breaks the ice.

You will be so surprised after your surgery once you get through the first month or so how much better you will start feeling and looking.
And yes we are all in this together......

Janae you new photo is amazing. Looks like a glamour shot!!!! WOW WEE
You look fantastic...I am very impressed.
And thank you for your kind words.

Have a great weekend....

ROBBIN

[Pillows]

awww shucks Robbin...I took it by myself and then cropped and black and white...wooouaaalah.....there you have it. I have to admit that it is my fave pic of me ever so far...lol
Janae

[Robbin]

Good job, good job. I just hope my new photos come out so well....

Going to the zoo tomoorrow....hope to get some new ones there...

ROBBIN

[Robbin]

Thank you Hanadi.
I am doing sooo much better since this surgery. I am running around like crazy. I am finding the energy that I never had before, and yes the confidence is getting better.
Life seems alot better and the future seems so much brighter.

Thankyou, you are so good.

ROBBIN

[DocSanae]

Hi Robbin, I have taken the liberty of merging this thread since it was duplicated. I hope you don't mind.

Whatever, or however you feel that you need to forgive yourself for, I hope you'll keep in mind that if anything, any iddy biddy thing that took place before, had been any different, for any single one of us, none of us would be where we are now, none of us would be who we are now. None of us here may have never met here now, if one of us had done/thought any different in the past.
If you feel that you need to forgive yourself, then I hope you'll also know that you are a wonderful person for being able to think that thought. You've already started down the road of trusting yourself.
I'm sure you'll gain new confidence and new security in yourself as the days go by, and that new security will give you a glow that will light you up from the inside.

((((((HUGS))))))

[Robbin]

Yes Doc, you have said it all.
I am so very glad I found this site., like you and so many others I have begun this journey with a new perspective on what to expect after this surgery.
So many of my doughts and fears have been answered to some degree, or if there was any doughts, I have a list that I take on my check-ups. In the long run it is good to know we are all in this together...and THAT is a good thing.
My little Granddaughter is helping me find that new glow...she is the light of my life. My future......I can't think of anyting any better than growing old with her.
Thank you......

ROBBIN