[kat1268]

My husband had his surgery on April 4, 2005. Since then he has lost about 125lbs. He went from 355lbs to his currant weight of 230lbs. Our lives have changed dramatically. We have been married for 17years and have two teenage sons.

I thought I would just sign on and find out if anyone has experienced any sort of depression or has any emotional side effects from the surgery. My husband is going through a hard time emotionally now. I just wanted to hear from others and maybe it could help. It's been hard on me as well and is threatening to end our marriage.

Thanks in advance,

Kat

[fr1endly2]

HEY KAT!!!
MY entire first year has been filled with many ups and downs.
AND i really at times dont get why if i have lost 143 lbs im not
estactic and happy.

ITS a side effect of the surgery....
that im having
((((((((((TIGHT HUGS)))) please
PM me if you would like to talk more private
on this stuff....

lisa
xoxox

[DocSanae]

Hi kat, welcome to the board, thank you for joining us.
((((((HUGS))))))

Yes, a lot of people experience emotional issues post op. Reports from bariatric surgeons vary from 5-30%. The article I linked into this post states "as many as 20% experience anxiety or depressive symptoms that require therapy" in a quote.
One of the points would be, what was "eating" to the person pre-op. What did that person eat for? If it was being a crutch in certain areas, the surgery means you may lose that crutch, and so you find yourself looking for a new one.
Recent studies have revealed that the "doors" to registering satifaction in the brain are very close, almost right next to each other with food, some substances (as in abuse) and alcohol, so some researchers are beginning to think this may factor into the development of certain issues.

Also keep in mind, as the "exterior" of your husband changes, he is sure to have noticed differences in reception from some people around him and that may trouble him very much, too. Other than his body, his mind has to make many many adjustments, not only where food is concerned, but with dealing with other people, too. That could all build up into one huge ball of stress and frustration.

Bariatric surgeons and centers are beginning to provide post op group therapy as part of the program, or refer their patients to psychiatrist/psychologists whenever needed. If your husbad is not seeing someone in this area, getting professional help may be a good thought.

I hope things work out well for you and your husband,

[Robbin]

Kat1268,

Your husband is a very lucky person to have you care so very much to want to help him.
Listen to Lisa and Doc Sanae, they are both our mentors here....
It has only been 3 months (almost) for me, so I am still learning.

Good luck and I hope things are OK. Have your husband join you sometime, if he should feel comfortable enough, in the forum. it might help in some ways...just a thought.

ROBBIN

[Pillows]

Kat1268.... I am also dealing with this issue big time right now. I know there are many that do have them too. I echo Lisa Friendly's invite that if you ever want to talk in a more concentrated invironment feel free to pm me or use yahoo instant messenger to im me there. My yahoo id is dizzywritesagain@yahoo.com. I hope that everything turns out for you both and am glad that you are seeking help in this way to support him. He is very lucky indeed.
Janae

[kat1268]

Thank you all so much for responding. I'm a very emotional person and I wear my heart on my sleeve, so trying to be there for my husband and not cry because he's so far away from me right has been very hard. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for him, I just wish he would let me help or go to someone to get help. You know how guys are about going to the doctor.

It's hard to give someone that you love so much the space they need when you feel that you may lose them forever if you let go.

Thanks again,

Kat

[DocSanae]

Kat, one technique you can try to acquire (if you have no clue how to act) is to try to listen to what he has to say without interjecting any thoughts that come to your mind. In other words, listen to him without returning any comments, execept the occasional, "uh-huh" "and?" "so..." "is that how you feel?" things like that to keep him talking, and let him know that you are interested in what he is saying. Make sure you say them in a tone that conveys your sympathy and your receptiveness to his thoughts, and not criticizing him, or being critical of his actions. This is difficult especially if you have not had any training to do so, but unless you can get him talking, and have him come to grips with his own emotions and be able to calmly state what is troubling to him, it's not going to be easy to get him to the next step. Somehow, your husband is going to have to get to the point that he can see himself objectively before he can resolve whatever is bothering him. In other words, he is going to have to face where he's at himself before the next step can be taken.

Hmm, I could say more, but some things, unless I know the actual scenery, my comments may wind up way off. No need to hesitate giving me a PM if you think I may have some input that I can give you to help you.
(((((((HUGS)))))))

[Buckwheat]

this is a very tuff subject for me! since my wife had to wait on me hand and foot before my bypass surgery! its been realy hard on her seeing me get out and spread my wings again!! the last three years have not been easy! dunno much about your situation but! if your husband is anything like i was my first year post-op! hes just trying to catch up on lost time!!!

[ChuppyGirl]

Welcome Kat,

Very happy about your husbands achievements woow 125lbs down is never an easy job!

ALthough I'm 3 and 1/2 months out but oh boy I had depression cycles more than any other time ever!! I can't only blame it on the WLS but I am now in a inflection point in my career/family life!

lately I have anxieties about loosing one of my family memebers (death) although non of them is sick or I mean there is no reason to think what so ever! I always pray to God that I go first I don't want to have that experience of losing someone dear to my heart like hubby, children or my parents or seblings....I just go buzzorc I feel like an earth quake is happening in my head literaly my brain shakes!!!

Other reason of being in depression also is that I don't have physical real group support in my area, the only support I'm having around me is the virtual over the web kind of support. With all my due respect every single one in RR is dear to my heart I swear to God but sometimes you know you need to make an eye contact or have a warm hug when you need it so badly, I don't have this previlage! eeehhh what to say!

last reason I think is with me melting down I hate to see all this excess skin sagging down!!! it just turns me off, I know I made this to myself and with this WLS blessing I got my expectations so much high that I cannot handle the fact that while losing there will be plateauing times or skin that was filled with fat for the last 35 years will no longer be filled with fat and that's the effect of gravity too!

I hope I have helped you to understand some of your hubby's worrys I'm sure his are difenately different than mine!

[CraigT]

Hey Kat.. Great to see just how much you love and care for your hubby.

Looks to me like both of you have some emotional journeys ahead of you. I would highly encourage you guys to find a really good (God Centered) counselor to help you walk through some really new feelings and emotions that many of us gone through.

One of the main things I would encourage you to do is to continue to work on your own emotional stability. Your husband is going to bounce all over the emotional spectrum. During this, for both of your sanity, it is important that you continue to strengthen your own foundation. This will help you not be a "fixer" for your hubby. He needs to find his own end of the leash periodically. There is nothing like your chain getting yanked a couple of times to help speed up the emotional realities of this new life.

Always remember that "You didn't break him, and You can't fix him". You can however be part of the problem if you become an enabler.

Let him grow through the pains and gains of this new life. Just keep telling him how proud you are that he is where he is. Which is a lot better than where he was, and on the path to where he is going.

Blessings,