[JaniceB]

I'm 29, I'm 5 feet 5 inches tall, and I found out I weigh 325 lbs. Again. 7 years ago I was this weight and since then I yo-yoed back and forth but now I'm back at my heaviest again. I was hoping that my old scale just needed a new battery. But I bought a new one that weighs up to 330 lbs. I'm just so.... man, I'm just sick of this.

So I decided a few days ago I'm going to break down and get the surgery. It was a really difficult decision. Since then I've found out that my insurance doesn't cover it. And I've had a lot of friends say to me "you just need to be more disciplined. Eat better, exercise." And I can't argue with that. But at the same time I know I'm different. I KNOW what I need to do to lose weight, I just can't do it. Am I weak? I feel like I should be able to do it alone. But I've been obese since I was 4 or 5. It's got to be something so much more complicated than that.

So now I'm scared. I'm afraid of shelling out all this money out of pocket and I'm one of the people who has a bad reaction. Or who doesn't lose anything. Or I gain it all back. If I had insurance to cover me, I think I'd feel less trepidatious. It's SO much money. I keep telling myself it'll add up to less than a lifetime of co-pays for diabetes, etc. But man. So much money. I'm afraid I'm making a big costly mistake that if I were a better, stronger person I could avoid.

I need help. I need help BADLY. I'm not sick (no high blood pressure, etc) but I can feel it in my bones. In my back. My joints. And I'm scared.

Has anyone else self-financed their surgery? I say it's sort of like buying a new car. Try to rationialize that way.

I also just really, really, really love to eat. I love to binge. I'm scared of dealing with that withdrawal. I guess that's the food addiction/eating disorder talking, right? I never feel hungry in the physical sense, it's in my head. The desire to eat. I never miss meals. It doesn't go away. I live to eat. Is that what they're talking about when doctors say that the surgery helps you feel less hungry? Because my hunger is not in my tummy, but my head.

The idea of eating less food makes me want to cry. That's not normal.
I know I need help.

I read that over the long run the two procedures have about the same success rate. Read that you lose it slower with Lap-Band. I'm afraid of excess skin. after shelling out so much money for the surgery I'm afraid of needing plastic surgery too.

I'd really appreciate any and all feedback. Thanks.

[ksummer19]

Hi and Welcome! There are a couple of people on here who were self pay and I can tell you they do not regret it for a second. I'll let them them you for themselves.

I cannot honestly say you will get over your cravings for food but once the scales start moving you really do not want to touch those 'bad' foods. Plus you are never really hungry!! Being scared is all part of the process believe me we have all been there at some point.

In my opionion if I were you I would have the RYN instead of the lap band. With the lab band you have to go in for adjustments and then you'd have to pay cash for those visits also. That was one of the reasons I didn't do the lap.

You are young so I wouldn't worry too much about extra skin it may bounce back. It's us older folks that have no more bounce left!

Just stay here and do all the reading you can. You will learn alot from this group.

Take care

[JaniceB]

thanks, I appreciate it. Maybe just being involved in a supportive forum would help. It did a few years ago when I was on one of my diets. Sigh.

Now the big question -- how do I pimp out my profile like yours? haha

[ksummer19]

LOL I am not too good at adding pics and stuff but you can go to the user cp and fill in whatever information you would like us to see.

[ksummer19]

Ahh there you go.......Another New Yorker! There are lots of girls on here from NY. Trust me you'll get tons of support.

[kitty56]

I am self paying and I do not regret my decision at all. I would do it over in a heart beat again. At first it was scary for how much it cost to have the gastric bypass. But my husband and I know that I needed the surgery to get into better health. If you read some of the post lots of husband were scared of us having the surgery and it was just that they were scared for us. Mine was scared for me to have the surgery and he is just so happy that I have had it done and I am so much more healthier and the things I can do now are just so remarkable. My husband always compliments me on how I look now and that I feel so skinny to him, but I still have a ways to go yet to get to my goal. The things you can do now after surgery, compared to before are just so amazing to me and my hubby.
As far as the food goes, I hated food for the first few months and I had a very hard time eating, but I loved that becasue I had that full feeling just by eating a little and I still have that full feeling by eating a cup or so of food, and that is what I wanted out of my surgery to get that full feeling and satisfied feeling just by eating a little bit of food, and I have all of that. I revise foods so that I can eat almost everything that I ate before, except for it is revised to eating it the healthy way. So do not worry about the small amount f food that you can only eat after surgery, becasue your tummy is to full and you get the same full feeling after surgery as you do before surgery. Your tummy is very small and cannot hold much food and you still have the same full feeling. You just have to learn to stop once the pouch has that full feeling and not to overstuff the pouch, if you do that you learn in a hurry when to stop becasue you have that uncomfortable feeling and it hurts if you overstuff the pouch. Once you start your new life style and start to lose alot of weight, you find other things to occupy your time instead of eating. I was reading a post here last night and I cannot rememeber who wrote this, but it sure is true. I will try to remember what she said and if she reads this maybe she can write it the right way that she wrote it and that sentence sure stuck to my mind and ohh how true it is. Something like this "food tastes good but losing lots of weight feels much better". I did not quote it right but if someone knows the quote could maybe write it right. But I loved that quote and sure made me think about it.
So I have to say that even though we were self pay for the gastric bypass, every dollor spend on the bypass was worth every penny.

[JaniceB]

I haven't weighed under 200 lbs since I was 9. I can't even begin to imagine what it'd feel like to be 250!! Thanks for your support. Still scared but beginning the process. And congrats on your loss! (A weird turn of phrase, I'm realizing haha) There are so many loops you need to jump thru to even get to see a surgeon at NYU, so I'm going to call Mt. Sinai on Monday. I honestly don't think my insurance is going to pay, so we'll see. Bastards. I keep trying to find sites of people who regret the surgery or arguments against it but it seems impossible. Thanks again

[beckamarie]

Welcome...I am not a self payer but wanted to address some things you asked about. We all have the head hunger even after surgery the difference is you just physicaly cant eat that big of an amount and also for alot of us we get sick if we eat certain things. It is scarey but at the same time its the best decision I ever made. You may not have health trouble yet but if you continue on this road you are currently on you will someday suffer from it and thats not good. I look like a deflated balloon but really is it any worse then how I looked when I was Morb. Obese? I will take the loose skin over the beach ball look anyday. There are different types of bypass so if I were you I would research them all go to seminars and figure out whats best for you, in my opion though and I mean no disrespect, I would not get the lap band because you have more then 100 pounds to lose and the band isnt as successful for those that have Big numbers to lose. Just research and join in we are here for you

[JaniceB]

Yeah I'm starting to think that, too. The gastric bypass thing. Thanks for your reply. And btw, unless you've got great photo shop you don't look like a deflated balloon at all. haha. I've been spending today reading and researching and realize I'd probably have to get a tummy tuck. But you're right. Still better than being morbidly obese. Thanks

[genmel]

I just wanted to add that this changed my life for the better in every which way. I have no regrets and wish I would have done it at your age.