[kawahine]

aloha everyone,
I am now at 6 1/2 month post op....everyone notices my weight loss. But do you have acquaintances who blurt out questions ..."hey you must have had surgery for your loss! Did you have surgery?"

I don't want to be secretive...but I don't want to answer a question like that infront of a crowd. I would tell people on a one-to-one basis so that I can explain my reasons for this choice and the struggles of WLS. Everyone (not us) thinks that this is a simple cure for weightloss. So essentially I lie and let people know that no..I am on a medically supervised diet. Besides I hate to be the topic of gossip.

Weight loss, gain are great malicious gossip topics...and I know I am now a target for this. Somehow losing weight either makes others insecure...and you really find out who supports you or don't. Being oversized was a comfort zone for others toward me...now I find some friends support me...others gossip about me. (even ones that I've trusted and knows about the WLS).

Does shedding pounds and clothes sizes also mean that I will also need to shed friends and seek other friendships? What are your past experiences?

kawahine

[Kenyar]

well in some cases it does mean losing friends. i lost friends, a job - women in the workplace feel very threatened when all of a sudden other women are getting noticed. on the one hand it was a blessing in disguise. i got to start fresh elsewhere; not so much to "hide" the fact that i had surgery, but just a fresh start. new people who werent use to the old you and arent threatened by the new you; sometimes helps you settle into your new life a bit better. it depends on the individual though.

it is definitely YOUR CHOICE when, where, and if you ever tell people. dont feel pressured to answer questions until you are ready to do it. stay strong, hang in there

[GinaGurl]

i have only told certain people about my surgery because i feel as if they will judge me and if i was to fail which i won't they really will talk about me some people are so catty and jealous i haven't lost any friend yet i hope i don't

[sburtonh]

I have to say that I really could care less about people talking badly about me. I had the surgery and have busted my ass losing my weight and I will continue to bust my ass to keep it off. I am just useing a tool. Have the time the people talking badly about you have done something worse such as an eatting disorder to keep weight off or straved themselves, other haven't and just like to gossip. I do not need them my life. I have before the surgery and after surrounded myself with friends who support me. If they don't then I tell them to leave because I support you and I am not about to get used. Also people are caddy and fickle. When they become insecure they lash out at others to hide their own problem. You don't need that. Tell them to support you out of respect or get the F@$& away. Thats my 2 cents and what I do.

[GinaGurl]

i agree whole heartly scott i feel the same way

[sburtonh]

I try to follow the WWKD rule of life? What Would Kath Do trick. LOL just joking Kath. Just thought it is something you would agree with.

[Janice Carol]

Amen to exactly what Scott said. I tell everyone that I had the surgery and do not care whether they talk about me or not. They have never walked in my shoes. I haven't lost any friends yet. Probably because I have just started my weight loss journey but I figure if I do those people truly were never freinds. When I went out to eat for the first time since surgery on New Years Eve our waitter told me something that I can't get out of my head. He said his new years resolution this year was to only hang around people who inspire him. I really liked that saying because negative people can really being you down quick. I say let's forget about those negative people or if we have to deal with them just take what they say with a grain of salt and block their negativity out of our minds.

[thumper1]

Sorry this is happening to you.People anyway!!~! I too agree and tell people the truth when they ask...... if they dont like it or are "mean" oh well....I am a n ive person and it is their loss not to be my friend. Kathy

[Denise57]

I agree with everyone on this. I have also experince close friends, people I havetn seen in years that will come up to me and say "Have you been sick" or do you have cancer...lol I look at them and say No I just have cut back and watch what I eat. Yes there are people out there think it was the easy way out having the surgery, But really its not the easy way out. Its a total life style change for you and your family, and if I was ask if I would do it again I would say YES. I feel so much better now. And I'm thinkful for each day that is given to me.

[mynewlife]

I have to say "AMEN!" to what Scott said. It is nobody's business unless you choose to share. I'm only two weeks out and haven't had any comments yet. I have shared only with my family and my closest friends - who are all INCREDIBLY supportive. I know that I have co-works who will question and will bluntly ask about it. I'll deal with that when I get to that point. For now, my plan for how I'm "doing it" is "it hasn't been easy!" Which it certainly isn't. Having ones innards rearranged and making that committment for a forever lifestyle change is not something people should take lightly.

Hang in there and things will be better. If people drop you as a friend than it's their loss - and you're probably better off without them.