[vosh]

My name is Vanessa, and like most everyone here I spent most of my life fighting my weight. Did the standard growing up in a family that prized thin people, had a skinny sister (that was/is my dearest friend, strangely enough) but my mother was an abusive alcoholic, and I took the brunt. Enough about that.

Got married way too young, but the universe has a reason for it all, I have three treasures in my daughters that are now grown phenomenal women, and my middle girl has my granddaughter Vanessa Rose, and new little one Kain Douglas. She is the most amazing mother in the world!

I personally am in the end stages of my latest (3rd) marriage, seems my self esteem will take anything that comes down the tracks. Drives my daughters insane, at least I taught them better!

Funny thing is, I adored my current/latest husband. I became disabled shortly before we got married, and was 350lbs. He is 15 years younger than me, and he stood by me through fighting for SSDI, fighting doctors for care, getting to walk again, through my surgery, losing 170 lbs, and now I am stable on my meds, and I feel better than I have in years... and he leaves.

He hasn't worked in over 2 years, so he went back to school and earlier this year he met someone. While I was in Phoenix with my daughter when the baby was born I could tell something was going on, and he denied it for a while, but he was so different. I finally demanded that he get some kind of job to help keep our house, and he did, but it only helped half; he was always too busy with his friends playing board games (war miniatures) and that was always throughout our marriage, but now he didn't come home at all after his job because they all went out drinking.

I asked him to move out for a bit to see if he could get his act together, and I guess that is what he wanted. I have done everything else in the marriage, but I refused to get a divorce, even when he came over to finally tell me he was seeing someone (duh). I said if he wanted one he would have to do it himself, I wasn't going to do anymore for him.

I think he figured I would just take it into my own hands when I heard the 'news'... he was pretty thrown when I didn't. I expect he will, and I'll have to be okay with it, because I really don't want that back in my life; but I have no friends or social life since I am still medically unable to be up and around for long periods of time, and I tended to get housebound with my businesses on line trying to keep our house over the past two years.

Now I feel so alone I can't stand it, and I have bouts of horrible mind chatter about him with his new girlfriend getting on with their life and me stuck here with a house that won't sell, and no life. I'm not social in general, but I can be; I have a great sense of humor and friendship when I have friends.

I feel like I'm in a pit trying to claw my way out, and just scratching in the mud (and I just gre my nails out!)

I still have 40 lbs to lose, and I'm 48, so you know there will always be the extra skin issues, which don't bother me at all, I'm really happy where I am (smaller than I was in high school) and feeling great. It's the emotional strain taking a toll on my health right now, and how low I feel being a three time loser at this point...

Anyone relate?

Vanessa

[dixieladybug]

Hello again. I posted to your last post before I saw this one. We are so glad to have you join us. I am so sorry to hear about the personal trouble you are having. I have been down the same road myself. You have done such a great job with your weight loss and you look very pretty. Don't let any man bring you down. You have a chance now for a new life and you should live it to the fullest. Be a little selfish now and make it about you and not him. I know that is hard to do but you can do it. I was almost home bound before I had my surgery and I had two total knee replacements , one right before and one right after my wls and I can tell you now I am not house bound anymore. I feel like i have a new lease on life. You can now take your life in your own hands... get all dolled up and get yourself out of the house and live a little. There is life after a bad relationship... you can be happy again. The best thing you can do for yourself is to have a good life without him and let him know it. I wish you the best. Like I say i do understand because I have been there myself. (((hugs))) dixie

[DocSanae]

Welcome to the board, thank you for joining us.
Congratulations on your wonderful weight loss.
((((((HUGS)))))) May your journey go well.

Sorry to hear of your personal problems. Keep coming back to this forum, and share with us your trials and tribulations, it should help you get your balance back, and help you start afresh. Just being able to vent and *talk* will help you sort out a lot of things.
Hang in there, there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

[Jennifer23]

If I was in front of you, I would give you a really big hug. I am so sorry to hear about your troubles! It will get better though. You have already conquered so much and you will get through this too.

The people on this site have been wonderful and you've found a great support group here. Thank you for being so open and sharing your story. Please don't be a stranger....

[MsVickie]

I think im some shape or form we have delt at least with relationship problems at least before the surgery. Some on here have delt with them after. It has to be hard on the after. Im lucky. My surgery made our marraige stronger. Yes Im lucky.

I think your hubby did the last thing to you on purpose. He knew that if he said that to you it would hurt you. And it did. THe part your dealing with now is what you think you might have done wrong to cause this. Which you probally did nothing. That is the part we beat ourselfs up with. Until you can let your self know that and understand that you wont be able to keep going like you should. Since alot of the pressure has been put on you to handle things already honey you have delt with it buy yourself so long you can do it to lift yourself up and move on. Things are gonna change for the better for you now. You just cant see that. You have to be a strong woman to edure what you have so far. When you feel your at your weakest point you become the strongest.

Show this man your a strong woman which I think he already knows.... It might take time but in the end honey your gonna strive. Belive that.

Please keep commin back and talk vent help ask for help. We have all been there in different ways and are the same in the end.