[Cynkee]

I've been cruising the web looking for REY support forums, as I am scheduled for surgery in February 2010. As I educate myself about pre- and post-op behaviors, I'm sure to be back here with more questions. However, 2 months pre-surgery, I do have one question for all: how do I handle negativity from friends and family?

Originally, I wasn't going to tell anyone but my grown children that I was having surgery, I was just going to let them all believe I lost the weight - AGAIN. However, I decided it was nothing to be ashamed of, and have since been quite open about it. While most of my loved ones have been supportive, my sister and a good friend are extremely opposed to me having this surgery. I told them I wasn't asking their opinion, that I had already made the decision and was just informing them of my plans. However, I don't understand their reaction given my constant struggle with my weight. (You know, gain, lose, gain some more, lose again, etc.)

Any advice on how to handle the negativity?

[DocSanae]

Welcome to the board, thank you for joining us.
Congratulations on your date.
(((((HUGS))))) May your journey go well.

Check out the threads in Families and Loved Ones, there are lots of threads there that should help you deal with your siuation.

[Perfesser]

There will always be nay-sayers. They may be genuinely fearful for your health, having been "educated" by shows such as "The Biggest Loser" and by rumors. They may be jealous that you will shrink and leave them as the largest in the room. They may have been using you as "cover" so they wouldn't look so large. They may be threatened by your coming success, which would strip away all their flimsy rationalizations for not losing their weight.

Your first response about permission and information was spot on! If they press it, tell them more about the process you are going through just to get to the OR. How you're being tested, stressed, evaluated, probed and prodded in ways you never have, all to prove how healthy you are. They do this to make sure that you aren't going to do anything dramatic in surgery due to undiagnosed problems.

If they have open minds, show them some of the Before & After photos from here. Tell them that you are doing this whole process under the strictest medical supervision possible. Talk to them about your surgeon's personal track record (you have discussed that, haven't you? It's good info to know!)

In the end, there are those you won't satisfy. They will always define the conversation to keep you on the defensive. You are not required to play their game. When they continue to express opposition, politely tell them that if they are so set against it, they shouldn't have it, but if they ever change their minds, you can recommend a good surgeon. Don't let them control the conversation on their terms.

There is a recent thread on snappy comeback lines that you may find helpful. Some of the things posted there are wicked sharp!! It's at http://www.renewedreflections.com/fo...ack-lines.html

Good luck. You are doing this for you, to regain your full health.

Illegitimi non carborundum!!

CT

[MsVickie]

Hi there Im Vickie . Welcome to the board. SOmthing I will ask you if you dont mind is to fill in your stats for us. That will help us help you better. You dont have to post a pic if you dont want to. Many of us didnt until after we had lost right much. But your height weight and goal would help us along.

Now as for your question. They love you so much and they are right down scared and a bit jealous? For one thing they are not being educated like you are on this. They hear the horror storys and will believe them before any of the good ones.

So honey ask them to look at the good and if that done help.....tell em to get a grip this is YOUR decision no theres. LOL

[decker1976]

Welcome and thanks for joining us. Congratulations on your surgery date. Share what you're comfortable sharing. I can't speak for anyone but myself here but the reason no one but my husband knows I had WLS is NOT because I am ashamed. I don't feel the need to justify or explain myself to anyone. More importantly, for me, WLS is intensely personal & simply not on the table for discussion with others. Lately it seems like every time I turn around someone is asking how I'm losing so much weight. When I choose to respond I state that I have made lifestyle changes including eating right and exercising. Period.

[molly4220]

Hi, and welcome you will get so many mixed reactions from family and friends but remember it's your decision. Good luck!
Judy

[Cynkee]

I appreciate the warm welcome. I will continue to handle the naysayers as I have, since my husband, children and most of my loved ones are very supportive.

The surgeon performing my procedure is the best in the state, and I'm very confident in his skills. He has a great track record, and his nurse is wonderful. I've spent a lot of time talking to her on the phone, as I live 100 miles from my doctor. (That is a matter of choice, as there is a baratric surgeon at my local hospital, but I was more comfortable with the one I found out of town. Go figure.)

I'm excited and nervous about the journey I'm starting in the new year. In January, I begin the regimen of protein drinks to help shrink my liver. (My surgery will be laproscopic.) In the meantime, I'm doing a lot of research and pumping myself up for the changes in my life. I'm looking forward to my back problems and blood sugar levels improving, and not getting so winded when I climb the stairs.

And I have to admit, it will be fun to pull my skinny clothes out of storage and never pack them away again!

[Perfesser]

I fully understand on going past your local doc to get the best. Mayo Clinic in Rochester is about 15-20 miles closer to us than Minneapolis, and the traffic is much friendlier heading out that way, but I chose the one in Minneapolis because he runs a Bariatric Center of Excellence, and Mayo doesn't! (Go figure!!)

It's your body, and there are no do-overs!! Get the best you can and then follow his rules to the letter, and you cannot fail!

CT

[Cynkee]

Mine is a Center of Excellence, as well, and that did effect my decision.

[luvRdogs]

Hey! Another ND person.... welcome!!! I'm Salli Lou. I had my surgery at MeritCare in Fargo (even tho Grand Forks is a lot closer) and everything went great. Meritcare is Bariatric Center of Excellence as well.
My original plan was to not tell folks except hubby and grown kids and a few close people, but....that just didn't work for me. Too hard at my workplace since people can overhear you making Dr appts and everything. Everyone knows and for the most part people have been supportive. DH was the one who gave me fits at first, but he went to a couple counseling sessions with me and his attitude has really turned around. You only need to tell those you are comfortable with.

I am glad you found our "home" here. There are so many people who are understanding and wise. Anything you ask you will have those who give you a good response. This IS my support group since I can't drive to Fargo for one. Altru won't let me attend theirs without paying $30 each month and I am too stubborn (and broke) to do that. (I'm not comfortable going there anyway, so I'm like you, I just drive further for everything)

This is one of the best decisions I have EVER made for myself. Had surgery the end of July and I am already so much more healthy. My blood pressure is down, choleterol is down, iron and hemoglobin are up...all my labs have improved significantly. Less pressure on my bad joints. And, of course the weight has come way down. No more shopping in the plus size department! It's so exciting and rewarding. You just wait.....it's great.
Again, welcome and congrats on your date. It will come and go before you know it. I had NO pain with my surgery, just some discomfort and fatigue.

salli lou