[bertie]

Hi everyone! Been posting here for a few weeks but realized I never actually posted anything to officially introduce myself.

My name is Roberta, aka Bertie, and I live in Carmel, New York with my husband and three kids (a boy and two girls, 11, 7 & 4).

I always felt fat as a kid, even though looking back on old photos I guess I wasn't quite as chubby as I felt. I was also always the tallest or second tallest girl in the class, and I hated feeling like I stuck out (I'm 5'10" or 11" now). I was never thin, though, and eventually started to pack on the pounds for real. When I was 15 I weighed 180 pounds. During this time I contracted a really bad case of strep throat and received a huge dose of penicillin. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was allergic to penicillin and started developing anaphylactic shock. Long story short, by the time they figured out what was wrong with me, I was down to 135 pounds and several sizes smaller (a size 7/8) Boy, I was lovin' life then! It took me a while to adjust to the new me and the attention that went along with it, but I kept it off (mostly) for the next 7 years or so. However, between a bad first marriage at age 21, along with never really learning how to change my eating habits for the better, the pounds eventually returned with a vengeance.

I married the love of my life when I was almost 27. When he met me I was 25 and I was already getting plump, but being tall was able to carry it well for a while. By the time we married, I was probably in a size 18 already.

Life went on, we had our children, I quit my job as a legal secretary to be a stay at home mom, and each year I got fatter, and fatter, and fatter. Yes, there were several attempts to lose weight along the way: the Cabbage Soup Diet, Dexatrim, the Grapefruit Diet, Slim Fast, Weight Watchers over and over and over, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, you name it I tried it. Each time I might lose a little weight only to lose motivation and gain it all back and then some. I joined a gym last year and went faithfully 3 or 4 times a week, doing cardio, nautilus, and swimming. I joined a 12-week weight loss challenge at the gym and was the only one who made it to the end, losing a total of only FIVE POUNDS. I am probably at or near my highest weight now, 289 lbs., and pushing a size 24 or 26. I'm staring 300 in the face. I realized that 300 was as far as my bathroom scale goes.

I avoid mirrors, windows, photographs, being out in public in general. I stopped going to church, and am extremely self-conscious when I have to be out anywhere. I feel like when I am on line at the supermarket, people are checking to see what I have in my cart and are judging me for it.

My grandmother lived with agoraphobia and I was afraid that I was developing the same fears as her. I felt like everywhere I went, people were staring at me with disdain and talking about me in a nasty way, and I'm sure at times that some of them were.

While looking through some family albums one day, I realized I was cutting myself out of our lives by not allowing myself to be photographed very often. My desire for my husband diminished because I hated the thought of being undressed in front of him, even though he never gave me a reason to doubt he loved me for who I am. I found that I was embarrassed to participate in anything at my kids' schools, for fear that they would be made fun of for having the fat mom. Also, being heavy prevents me from doing a lot of activities with my kids.

I also was diagnosed with depression and to a lesser extent, anxiety, about a year and a half ago, and have been on medication (thankfully) to treat it. I was prescribed Cymbalta because, as the nurse put it, it is one of the only medications that does not have weight gain as a side effect. It has allowed me to function much better, and I'm grateful for it.

Along with the emotional toll my weight takes on me, physically I have not done much better. Osteoarthritis in my knees and back, herniated discs, high cholesterol, fatigue, recently high blood sugar, reflux, migraines, and dysphagia, to name a few.

In fact, it was my gastroenterologist who suggested wls for me. I had never really considered it before, but for the first time, when I left his office that day, I felt HOPE. I started researching right away, thinking I would definitely go with the lap band since in my mind it was the least invasive! However, my research led me to discover that roux-en-y would be the best choice for me. I've found a team of wonderful surgeons who I have complete confidence in, and am currently completing all the prerequisite screening and meetings and will hopefully have a surgery date sometime in July or August this year. Now that I've made the decision, I want it to be done yesterday! So I can start living my life again.

I was led to this forum during my searches, and was immediately struck with how warm and caring and NOT judgmental everyone here was. I felt immediately at home and welcomed, and I plan to stick around here as long as you'll have me

[Perfesser]

Well, bertie, we'll have you as long as you'll stay, so put your mind at ease!

I got serious when I was looking ahead to 300, too. My scale went to 330, but that first number - "3" - was a serious wakeup call for me. I heard of WLS and was considering the band, but the doc convinced me that RNY was the way for me, and I trusted his judgement. He's done thousands of these, and I was looking at my first. You hire a professional, trust your professional!

At one time, my cholesterol was in the 400s and my triglycerides were over 1600. They are much better now!!

Glad you found WLS and a good team, and I'm glad you found your home here.



CT

[sue4491]

Originally Posted by bfmama

Hi everyone! Been posting here for a few weeks but realized I never actually posted anything to officially introduce myself.

My name is Roberta, aka Bertie, and I live in Carmel, New York with my husband and three kids (a boy and two girls, 11, 7 & 4).
...
I was led to this forum during my searches, and was immediately struck with how warm and caring and NOT judgmental everyone here was. I felt immediately at home and welcomed, and I plan to stick around here as long as you'll have me

Great to meet you, Bertie!!!

Like you when I got to 267 (I'm shorter than you - 5'6"), I could see 300 looming in my future. Then a friend said to me "Sue, if you get to 300, your butt will not fit on your bicycle!" It was already not fitting too well at 267! Since I am an addictive bicycle rider (love it love it love it!), that was a deal breaker. I started by Dr Oz's cutting 200 calories a day and then, in Feb 2008, went on Weight Watchers.. hit goal in Oct 2009 and was at 112 lbs off in March 2010! This was not my first time on WW however but my fourth time (and I tried a bunch of other things over a 40 year period). I never lost more than 30 lbs before! I think if one keeps on trying, one eventually gets it!

So happy you are here - this is a wonderful supportive family - best place on the web and Doc Sanae is awesome too! I hope you come to visit often!

[pretty woman]

Hi Bertie,
Welcome. I see so many similarities in our histories...being tall, "carrying" weight well... not liking to be photographed.
I am about 3 months out and doing pretty well. I hope your journey goes smoothly for you; but if it doesn't, stick with it anyway. It is so worth a healthier life style.
Good luck.

[judst]

Bertie, as I read your story I felt like I was looking in the mirror again.... We are the same height, had the same highest weight, have similar mental issues, and the same physical issues all the way down to herniated discs! It's kind of creepy having so close of histories that I wonder if I have a twin I never knew about! Thanks for sharing about yourself.

[barbara sutton]

Welcome Bertie, hope your process goes well please feel free to share and ask questions.

[DocSanae]

Thanks for sharing your story.
Good luck with your process.
(((((HUGS))))) May your journey go well.

[KeriM]

Welcome Bertie! This is a great forum for support and answers.

[tcgc0114]

Hello! I have felt a lot that you feel so I totally know what you are going through! Welcome, and I hope this journey is great for you!

[ShawnC]

Welcome Bertie and thanks for sharing everything you said I can relate to so never feel alone in your thoughts most or all of us have been there or still are!! I will be 3 weeks post op on Monday and can tell you it was and always will be the best dession I have ever made!! I hope your jouney goes well and you did find the BEST forum out there!! Ask away I did and still do!!