Don’t Be A Freakin’ Turkey

The countdown has begun. The most dreaded event of the year is only days away. Everywhere people are talking about it, gleefully making plans with family and friends. But you feel anxious and vulnerable, wondering just how to manage an occasion that seems so normal to everyone else. Then one morning you wake up, and the day has come: Thanksgiving.

We all know Thanksgiving is supposed to commemorate the first feast between the pilgrims and Native Americans, and giving thanks for the blessings in our lives. But these days, no one cares much about the history or even the gratitude. It’s all about the big fat bird and the big fattening pies. There are no presents, no fireworks. The whole event is planned around a meal that can feed an army, and the turkey is pretty much the only one not stuffing itself. We eat our way into a coma all afternoon then hit the couch for a mid-day nap, only to start on the leftovers when the sun goes down.

All of this gobble-gobbling can cause a huge struggle for those of us who have had gastric bypass surgery, stirring up feelings of resentment, confusion, and neglect. This entire feast has been prepared by you or someone else, and odds are, you only get three bites. No matter how tantalizing, you don’t even get to taste all of the different dishes. It’s easy to see how at a time like this, life can seem pretty freakin’ unfair.

This is my eighth Thanksgiving since I had weight loss surgery - some years have turned out great, and some have been a mess. Overall, I’ve come to recognize that having an action plan and maintaining a sense of gratitude are the keys to a successful celebration. Here are a few strategies I’ve learned to reduce anxiety and pump up the fun.

Remember it’s only 24 hours

Although some Thanksgiving gatherings can seem interminable - especially if you’ve ever met my family - the truth is, it’s a one-day event. How many days, months and years had we been planning for our surgery - doing research, working with insurance companies, and meeting with our doctors to prepare for a life-altering event? Post-op, we’ve gone day after day eating right, doing our exercise, and sticking to our plan for healthful living. This 24 hours is truly a grain of sand on the beach of your new journey. Our primary objective for this day is to serve the loved ones around us in a spirit of gratitude. Choose not to become a victim. Thanksgiving will be here and gone before you know it.

Avoid stressful situations

Eight years ago, the first decision I made after surgery was that I wouldn’t host Thanksgiving at our house. I wasn’t going to volunteer for the stress of cleaning the house for a gaggle of guests, or put myself in the position of preparing a huge meal all day when I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat it myself. Instead, I went to my mother’s.

Of course, having Thanksgiving at a family member’s house can still stir up a lot of anxiety. (Have you met my mother?) No matter how tempting the situation or how much you may feel someone is baiting you, make a conscious choice not to engage in emotionally-charged discussions, such as politics, religion, financial matters, or family gossip. It is okay to not have an opinion. When the meal is over and everyone says their goodbyes, you’ll be grateful that you didn’t spend the last several hours in a heated debate with your annoying cousin Frank.

Another option is to have Thanksgiving at a restaurant, rather than with your relatives. Many restaurants serve wonderful, healthful meals in celebration of the holiday. You can order the foods you will enjoy the most and that are the best for you. And the cool part is, you don’t have to do the dishes.

Accept that you’re the exception

Each year during Thanksgiving, I keep very conscious of the fact that I am the only one at the celebration who has had weight loss surgery, and it is really okay for everyone else to have more than three bites - not to mention the sugar-filled goodies served up after the meal. It’s easy to feel angry and jealous when we’re watching people indulge, even overindulge in foods that are now completely off-limits to us. I have to remember that it isn’t a reflection on my worth as a person, nor is anyone trying to rub my face in the fact that I have to limit my intake. We chose to have our plumbing changed, and as a result, we no longer have the ability to pork out the way we used to. Other people may be qualified to eat gigantic portions; we’re not.

Have a plan of action

Overall, it’s important to go into Thanksgiving with a plan. Start now. The surgery will inevitably be a topic of conversation. People will ask you about it. People may offer you foods you have to say no to - or foods that you should say no to but don’t. If you haven’t prepared emotionally and psychologically, you leave yourself susceptible to a massive anxiety attack. Emotions naturally tend to run high when you have a close-knit group of family and friends gathered in one room for an entire day, or an entire weekend. They can run even higher when there is already dissention in the ranks.

The best way to handle Thanksgiving is to go into it with a plan, and a real attitude of gratitude. Know exactly what you’re going to eat, and exactly what you’re going to say when it’s time to quit. Also have a back-up plan, so you can retreat to safe quarters if temptation or resentments become to much to bear. (Make sure your spouse or whoever is with you is aware of your emergency exit strategy, so they don’t feel you’ve left them in the lurch if you need to bail.)

Throughout the event, remember, limiting your food intake means you’re actually taking care of yourself. You are being protective of your body and new pouch, and you’re sticking to your goals. You have a new lease on life, and the wisdom to make the right decisions. That, in itself, is truly a reason to give thanks.

On that note, I want to say how thankful I am for all of you. Even though I have been doing this for nearly nine years, I still rely daily on the insights and encouragement of others who have had weight loss surgery. I have made wonderful friends in the WLS community, and I feel privileged to have this new, extended family.

And for this, I am very grateful