Ignorance Was Bliss

Most of us at some point have heard the words, “Here, eat this. It will make you feel better.” Because we knew no better, we swallowed whatever it was and were comforted to some degree, at least temporarily. The foods I was trained with in this manner usually had a high sugar content, whether cakes, pies or cookies. The other comfort food category generally consisted of something fried and always included gravy. Growing up in the south, these types of food were so common that I had no idea what I was being conditioned to eat. How could something that tasted this good and was readily offered as an emotional remedy for whatever ails ya end up being the very stuff that would eventually become a demon in my life?

Truth was, at that time I just didn’t care. It worked.

I was so conditioned to comfort foods that, at the ripe old age of three, I wanted a glazed doughnut right after a tonsillectomy rather than something cold and soothing, like a popsicle. I had no idea just how abnormal that was until everyone at the hospital started asking me if I was really sure. There was something in the way they phrased the question that made me feel like I was asking for something wrong. I started feeling shame about asking for a doughnut and had no idea why. I felt bad, and doughnuts always made me feel better.

All of us can look back and find examples of times we were engaging in some activity perfectly to our liking, only to discover later that our actions had a direct negative result for ourselves or others. Think for a second about one of your own personal wake-up calls, where reality smacked you right in the face.

These memories can be painful, but such experiences are part of our normal growth process. It is even more important today as a WLS post-op that you allow yourself to maintain a posture of teachability. If you are not learning from situations like this, then you’re probably not venturing in to any new personal territory. The critical process today is to apply rigorous self honesty to such situations. Because of where we have ended up with our weight issues, we no longer have the luxury of being a passive recipient of truths. We now have a responsibility to actively search for the truth in our lives.

If we are not careful, we can attempt to rediscover our previous state of ignorant bliss, only to find ourselves wallowing deep in denial. Denial is not something to take lightly - it’s just a clinical way of saying dishonesty. You are not a victim of denial. It is a behavior or mindset that, at some brief moment in time, you consciously chose. You decided not to face the facts. One of the predominant challenges we suffer in this area is that we become so accustomed to this reflexive behavior, we enter into denial before we even engage our though process.

Fear of shame is a primary motivation for most of our endeavors into denial. We are afraid of feeling inadequate. The fear of not fitting in or not measuring up to our peers triggers the learned self defense tactic of twisting the truth. I have personally experienced this fear to a point where I have twisted denial into a form of justification. I can recall many times when I blurted out, “I never wanted to be a part of their group anyway.” More often than not, this statement could not have been further from the truth. I wanted to be a part of the “in crowd.” Most of us did. But today, I am grateful I wasn’t always accepted. (Lord knows, I tried to be one of the smokers, but could never get over the sickening dizzy spells.)

Those like us who have had the WLS must focus daily on the realization that we have not been permanently “fixed.” This is our primary truth. Yes, we all had a life-changing surgery that helps us by restricting our food intake; however, we are acutely aware that our eating habits were merely symptoms of something else that had gone awry in our life. We also have to firmly accept the reality that, as it relates to our weight, we are not victims. We did not wake up one morning, look in the mirror and find a belly and a butt. We did not explode into obesity overnight, nor did we slip and fall into a fat suit. We made choices over time that allowed the simple math of burning fewer calories than we stored to catch up with us to an overwhelming degree.

We now have the opportunity to do things different, but it means staying vigilant. The WLS is similar to training wheels with which you have been gifted for temporary help. We find that we must start reassuming control around 18 months post-op. This can be a real turning point. Our pouches have stretched a bit, and if we’re not careful, we will start practicing old behaviors that will produce the same old results. Familiar, yes; but is there any good reason for us to go back to that level of self-destruction? I answer with a resounding NO.

An ever-increasing awareness of the truth will be the key to your continued growth and progress towards our mutual goal. That goal is not a place or achievement out of your reach. I would ask for you to see this very moment in time as the exact place that you are supposed to be. You are smack in the middle of the destination. If you choose to walk in the truth, you will experience a relief and serenity that used to elude us, no matter how hard we chased it.

Although an incredible journey still lies ahead, you have already come so very far from where you once were. With both of these truths in mind, cherish today as the culmination of everything you have lived through, and the starting point of things to come.